With the entry into the workforce – at least in “creative” fields – of a generation of people who’ve come to see their feelings as inviolable arbiters of how the world is and should be, the holiday season has become just a little more fraught.
I”m here to help.
Im’ attaching a list of the types of colleagues you can expect to encounter in the modern workplace this time of year.
The NPR Malaise-o-holic: If you listen to National Public Radio, you’d think the nation was gripped by a wave of depression from Thanksgiving through New Years every year. In the world of public broadcasting, the holidays seem to be perceived as a shared ordeal of awful food shared with un-hip, conservative, crassly-commercial relatives that is at best endured and at worst, succumbed to. Don’t believe me? Just ask them. They’ll be happy to share.
The PC Warrior: “Merry Christmas”.
“A-HEM. It’s happy HOLidays“.
This one will also be happy to inform you that “Christmas is really pagan“, smugly unaware that that’s the point, if you’re a Christian. Nobody is born Christian (except Christ, maybe); we’ve all converted from something else, or from nothing.
The Humbug: They hate the holidays And they’ll tell you every time the subject comes up.
The Triggerer: “Merry Christmas!”
“What’s so merry about it?”
Christmas is part of the aggressions foisted on indigenous societies by white male Christianist conquerors, donchaknow.
Father Festivus: Yes, yes, we get it; your mocking of other peoples’ traditions and petty joys is just as big a laugh now as it was when George Costanza talked about it in Seinfeld, what, 55 years ago?
The MacroAggressor: The Macro aggressor combines all the above – the theatrical assumed depression, the Urban Progressive Privilege, the roiling fog of fatigue, the intolerance and the self-adoring – and wraps it with a layer of overt hostility. The MacroAggressor hates the Holiday season, especially Christmas, and anyone who partakes. And, like all the above, they’ll be happy to vent about it at the slightest opportujnity – or even without it.
Anyway – to all the rest of you, may you and your family be blessed by the joy this season brings.
And for the six groups I list above? MERRY CHRISTMAS. In your face. Over and over.