(SCENE: Major Thomas ASHTON and Sergeant Major Iain MACTAGGART, members of the British 22nd SAS Regiment – Britain’s premiere Special Forces unit – are standing by a helicopter pad. Both are suited up for a mission that nobody will confirm is a hostage rescue mission deep into ISIS territory; guns, ammunition, grenades, radios, and survival gear)
ASHTON: Should be a bit of a dustup, eh, MacTaggart?
MACTAGGART: Aye. Not the first bloody time, Major.
ASHTON: True. All right, Sergeant-Major. Let’s check the men’s kit. This is going to be a nasty one.
(An orderly – Royal Air Force communications specialist Aircraftman Sheila O’RIORDAN – jogs up to ASHTON with a piece of paper. She stands at attention and salutes the Major)
ASHTON (taking the paper): Yes?
O’RIORDAN: Flash message from Ministry of Defense, sir.
ASHTON: Thank you. Dismissed.
(O’RIORDAN salutes. ASHTON returns the salute. O’RIORDAN jogs back to the radio tent)
MACTAGGART: So w`hat’s MOD say, Major?
ASHTON: President Obama has declared a climate conference. ISIS has surrendered.
MACTAGGART: ISIS couldn’t face the onlaught of Powerpoint, eh?
ASHTON: Sounds like the mission’s off.
MACTAGGART: Peace has broken out?
ASHTON: Yes, Sergeant-Major.
(Both men stand for a beat – and then erupt in laughter)
MACTAGGART: I’ll tell the helos to spool up.
ASHTON: Right. Wheels up in ten.