They All Look The Same To The DFL

It’s the second stupid, bigoted attack by the DFL in as many weeks – and it involves my good friend and longtime Northern Alliance colleague King Banaian.

Can you imagine the uproar if a Republican campaign would be stupid enough to drop a campaign piece saying…:

  • “Keith Ellison: Too involved in Saudi Arabian politics to bother with Minneapolis”
  • “Satveer Chaudhary:  Too Hindi To Bother With New Brighton”

Not only would the DFL descend on the idiot candidate like a biblical plague, but 99% of the GOP would feel obliged to join them.

But the DFL has done it again.

Last week, it was the anti-Catholic attack on Dan Hall in Burnsville, which has gotten national attention.

And over the weekend, perhaps a dumber attack still.

Courtesy of Luke Hellier at MDE, this mailer was sent out in re King Banaian, who’s running for House in District 15B – the east half of the Saint Cloud area.

Images courtesy MDE

Images courtesy MDE

King is the former chair of the Economics department at St. Cloud State.  He’s prominent enough an economist to land all sorts of contracting work for governments around the world who are interested in opening up free markets; since I’ve known him, he’s consulted with the Macedonian, Ukranian, Mongolian, Armenian, Kazakh and other governments.

Heaven forbid someone in the Legislature would have earned international respect at economics.

Here’s what the piece says:

King Banaian certainly has a resume – jetting acrosst eh globe to consult the governments of Egypt, Macedonia, Armenia, Ukraine and Indonesia.

But what does all his international travel tell him about the needs of families here in St. Cloud?

Other than the fact that he’s lived there for a couple of decades and become a pillar of the community, you mean?

But worst of all is the photo.  King – that is his real name, and it’s a family thing – is of 100% Armenian descent.  And like most Caucasians from that part of the Caucasus, he’s fairly described as “swarthy”.  Sitting in front of an exotic-looking building, the piece is clearly aimed at some SEIU droog who might be wavering in his DFL loyalty; they’re counting on that droog to look at the picture and go “d-uuu-uuuh, he looks like one of them AY-rabs, g’huck”.

Check out the postcard.  It’s from Saint Paul.  And while I can’t make out the ZIP code from the postmark, I’ll lay 1000-1 odds it’s from the DFL mothership down on Plato.

(On the upside?  At least the DFL bothered to check his biography; had they gone by his name, the piece might have read “Saint Cloud doesn’t need any drunk Irish running things”.  If they went by the photo alone, we might have been favored with some Juan Valdez references. We should perhaps be thankful for small favors).

I asked Banaian for comment earlier.  He’s too busy campaigning to worry about it yet.

The DFL:  they want to win Minnesota one ignorance racist rube at a time

UPDATE: King Banaian says “people here knowmy service as a local economic expert as well as international adviser. Voters care about fiscal accountability, not my passport”.

I suspect he’s right.  But it’s not the people in 15B that I’m worried about.  It’s that wacky bunch down on Plato.

Top Five Reasons Emmer Should Be Governor – #2: Moving Minnesota Forward

For all the left’s and media’s caterwauling about “bipartisanship”, Tom Emmer is the only candidate in the race who actually calls for it.

Oh, Mark Dayton yaks about “reaching across the aisle”, but he showed that hand five years ago, when he told the world that his political opponents are, ironically, sick and depraved:

The DFL’s record of “bipartisanship” works like this; do everything they want without question, maybe they’ll say nice things about you.  There is no “bipartisanship” in the DFL; only power.

How “bipartisan” is Mark Dayton going to be?  Look at the scorched-earth campaign his minions at Alliance for a “Better” Minnesota are running.  They don’t care who they insult, attack or destroy today, because tomorrow they plan on governing absolutely, or not at all.

As to Tom Horner?  His “bipartisanship” is like that of, say, Liechtenstein; with no legislative presence, and no propsect of any ever forming, the Independence Party needs to curry favor in a “bipartisan” manner with whomever they can – like any good hooker.  Horner – on the imponderably tiny chance he wins, and that’s something I just mention out of intellectual curiosity – will have to be “bipartisan” to have any influence at all.  Which is one of many reasons he’ll do well to finish with 10% of the vote.

Emmer?  His is the only candidacy that has said, repeatedly, that this is go time for all Minnesotans, of all political stripes.  He’s run a clean, idealistic campaign – because he knows every bridge he burns is one he’ll have to rebuild once it comes time to try to get this state working again.  Contrast that with Alliance for a Better Minnesota’s slimy, craven campaign of personal and group attacks.  Who do you call “bipartisan” – or, to pick a much better word, who do you call “genuinely committed to bringing everyone to the table?

Emmer is the candidate who is committed to making positive change.

Isn’t that what we need?

Previous Reasons Emmer Should Be Governor

#3: The Overhaul

#4: Buck The Narrative

#5:  Our Better Nature

Top Five Reasons Dayton Should Not Be Governor – #2: Moving Minnesota Backward

As we discussed on Thursday, Dayton has running an amazingly sleazy, fact-free campaign for governor.

But let’s say – heaven forfend – that he wins.  What then?

Welcome back to the 1970s.

Mark Dayton’s entire plan is a throwback to a mythical era in Minnesota politics, the sixties and seventies, when DFLers joined hands with (suitably liberal) Republicans to fashion a large, communitarian welfare state that aggressively redistributed wealth from the parts of the state that worked, back then, to the parts that didn’t at the time – a time when Minnesota’s booming private industries “partnered” with government and academia to build a progressive, benevolent, forward-thinking state that was the envy of much of the rest of the country.

Let’s accept it all at face value for now; let’s say that the “Minnesota Miracle” was exactly that; a project guided by the wise, benevolent hand of “good government”.

The “Miracle”, even by that tolerant definition, depended on a number of factors that were unique to that era:

  • Minnesota was a sleeping giant: The state had underperformed for the first century of its existence – and made up for lost time, taking advantage of its natural advantages in communication, resources and population to take its place as the largest commercial, industrial and population center between Chicago and the west coat.
  • The US was #1!: The United States was still by a good stretch the world’s most powerful economy in 1960-1970.  The Japanese and German economic powerhouses were gathering steam – but in a very real sense, they were still rebuilding and gaining momentum from World War II (remember – 1967 was half as far from VJ Day as it is from today).  China was in the throes of Maoism, and had an economy the size of Mississippi, and wasn’t lending anyone anything but cheap Kalashnikovs and Little Red Books.  The US economy was head, shoulders and ankles bigger than our competition.
  • Minnesota Was Breaking New Turf: The academic and private research markets were delving into new territories that were brand-new at the time; computers, medicine, healthcare, defense, and industrial research that led us to companies as diverse as 3M, Honeywell, Ecolab, Control Data, Cray and a host of others.  And the booming US consumer market, as well as an immense export market for which the US was the #1 supplier, gave immense domestic and export opportunities to General Mills, Pillsbury, Daytons, Target and a range of other home-grown corporations that grew into giants.

Add those three factors up, and you have a recipe for immense, nearly effortless earnings without a whole lot of competition.

But the world has changed since 1970, when the myth of the Minnesota Miracle was created.  Japan and Germany have been joined by South Korea, Taiwan, Malaysia and Indonesia as significant competitors.  China, hobbled by totalitarian madness forty years ago, has turned into the world’s fastest growing economy.  India, written off as unsalvageable forty years ago by the likes of Paul Ehrlich, has turned into a huge competitor as well as a large market.

The conditions that allowed Minnesota’s government, and its government unions and other hangers-on, to latch like a leech onto Minnesota’s market and still allowed both to grow fat and happy are not here anymore.

So why would anyone think that returning to the same system (only more!) would yield the same results?

Indeed, why would anyone think that acting like a California or a Greece or a New York would make Minnesota anything but a cold California, a chilly Greece, a windy New York – in debt, floundering, and cold to boot?

The short answer – there is no rational reason. It is impossible and irrational.

Minnesota deserves better than to have an obsolete myth foisted on it by a past-his-shelf-date demigogue.

Previous Reasons Dayton Should Not Be Governor

Top Five Reasons Emmer Should Be Governor – #3: The Overhaul

Who does government work for?

If you said “us”, either you aren’t from Minnesota, or you are hopelessly naive.

For the past forty years in Minnesota, the state budget has grown, consistently, vastly faster than inflation.  Not just a little faster, but much, much, much, much faster.

No matter who was in charge – DFLers or, until recently, the equally-liberal “Republicans” like Arne Carlson – the budget grew, year in and year out, usually by double digits.

Worse, during the good times our productivity was taxed to excess, giving even more of the results of our labor and creativity to the government than it thought it was going to get.  And the government, rather than giving it back from whence it came, decided to find still more things to spend that money on, “obligating” us to keep that spending going full-steam when times got tighter.

Minnesota has been on a treadmill designed to ensure that government gets what it needs – and wants – first and foremost, for the past forty years.

And there is no way we can keep it going.  If Minnesota adopts the budget that the DFL and the state’s machinery demands – a 20% increase over the previous biennium – it will be followed in the next biennium by another 10-20% increase, and then another, and then another, until by the time our children have to try to run things our entire state economy will exist, one way or another, to feed government.

Absurd?

Of course.  Because no economy can sustain that kind of growth.  The market will collapse, as it did in Greece, and as it is in California.  The private sector will go Galt, as indeed Minnesota corporations are starting to do now – keeping their corporate headquarters here, for now, but moving service and manufacturing and even engineering jobs to Wisconsin, the Dakotas, Mississippi, and India because Minnesota is too damn expensive.

There is one candidate who will get in front of this trend, stand astride it, and yell “Stop” – whose vision involves stopping the train not only before it drives off the cliff, but turning it around and changing the way this state operations – with zero-based budgeting, with a rational appraisal of what government should be doing, with a focus on what really makes Minnesota great – Minnesotans, with their infinite motivation and creativity, working in their enlightened self-interest, backstopped with their voluntary, communitarian spirit.

Once upon a time, Ronald Reagan said America faced A Time for Choosing.

Minnesota is in the same place today as we were 46, and 30, years ago. It is a time for choosing.  Freedom and prosperity?  Or mediocrity and serfdom to the soulless bureaucracy?

Choose freedom.  Vote Emmer.

Previous Reasons Emmer Should Be Governor

#4: Buck The Narrative

#5:  Our Better Nature

Top Five Reasons Dayton Should Not Be Governor – #3: Unexamined

There are so many unanswered questions about Mark Dayton.

Now, if we had an institution in our state whose job it was to ask tough questions of those who would tax our earnings and spend our money and run the free association of equals that We The People call our government – say, a big organization with a long tradition of asking questions, with Codes of Ethics and printing presses and TV and radio transmitters, for example – perhaps some of these questions might have been asked or, at the very least, asked consistently and clearly after, say Labor Day, when the vast majority of non-political junkies tune in to the subject of politics.

But we apparently have no such institutions in Minnesota.  So nobody was able to ask…

  • Why did Mark Dayton quit his teaching job in mid-year, after working about 1/3 of the time a real teacher would have? And let’s be clear -0 when I say “nobody” was able to ask, I mean Sheila Kihne, housewife and mom and blogger, asked.  She asked questions about Dayton’s resume, his education, and his many breaks from his rigorous teaching schedule in NYC to participate in protest rallies in the Twin Cities.  The rest of the media?  Not quite so much.
  • Who Is Financing All Those Attack Ads: It was all right there in plain sight; “Alliance for a Better Minnesota” the group behind most of Mark Dayton’s attack ads, was financed largely by friends of Mark Dayton, and Mark Dayton himself.  Curious?  It was, briefly, to Tom Scheck of MPR, who was nearly alone among the Twin Cities media in covering ABM’s background at all, and even that long before the vast majority of Minnesotans cared.
  • How About All That Erratic Behavior?:  Emmer’s two “DUIs” – actually “Careless Driving” convictions in 1980 and 1990 – received slavering coverage.  But Dayton’s apparently meltdown in office, culminating in his departure from the 2006 Senate campaign, apparently weren’t something the public had a “right to know”.  Not even given reports that he’d had alcoholic relapses in office and at least once since leaving office.  And rumors of his battle with mental illness continue to go unexamined, except via the most collegial sort of questions from the media – and again, this started and ended long before the voting public really started caring about this campaign, so even the tiny wedges of perfunctory coverage – a Rachel Stassen-Berger/Baird Helgeson piece that ran on the Sunday after Christmas of last year – if not the least-read news weekend of the year, certainly a contender.  Given that this is the extent of any recent coverage in Minnesota’s “newspaper of record”, it’d be charitable to say the Strib “buried” the story by giving it the most ludicrous possible minimum exposure possible while actually writing anything at all.
  • Dayton’s serial budget shortfalls: The Twin Cities’ media questioned Dayton about the serial shortcomings in his various budget plans in only the most cursory, perfunctory way possible.  There were certainly questions – I’ve had a couple dozen myself, and I’m just a lowly blogger.  And yet the questions about Dayton’s plans – the racist gutting of charter schools, the illlusory reliance on halving state contractors for $425 million of savings that can not be realized, the simple fact that the entire plan is dead on arrival at the new, likely much-more-conservative legislature none of these questions got any serious examination from a Twin Cities media that seems more intent on breaking the DFL’s generation long losing streak than in the public’s “right to know” any but the most cursory, trivial and meaningless factoids about Dayton’s plan.

If you were a banker, and Dayton sat before you peddling his record as collateral for a loan, you’d tell him to come back in a year when he’d built up some decent credit.

He shouldn’t get to build that credit on our time and with our money.

Previous Reasons Dayton Should Not Be Governor

Standing In The Wings Like An Avenger

Today, the Northern Alliance Radio Network brings you the best in Minnesota conservatism from 9AM-3PM.

  • Volume I “The First Team” and Volume II “The Headliner, Brian and John or some combination thereof kick off from 11-1, and Ed and I follow from 1-3PM Central.  Our goal?  To get all eight Congressional candidates, the three Constitutional Officers and our next governor, Tom Emmer, on the air, in one Get Out The Vote special, for those of you who can’t get out to see Emmer with Chris Christie, Tim Pawlenty and Haley Barbour.  Tune in!
  • The King Banaian Show! – King is on hiatus until after Tuesday.  Hopefully he’ll be “Representative Banaian” when we next hear from him!
  • And for those of you who like your constitutionalism straight up with no chaser, don’t forget the Sons of Liberty, from 3-5!

(All times Central)

So tune in to all six hours of the Northern Alliance Radio Network, the Twin Cities’ media’s sole guardians of sanity. You have so many options:

  • AM1280 in the Metro
  • streaming at AM1280’s Website,
  • On Twitter (the Volume 2 show will use hashtag #narn2)
  • UStream video and chat (at HotAir.com or at UStream).
  • Podcast at Townhall, usually by Monday
  • Good ol’ telephone – 651-289-4488!
  • And make sure you fan us on Facebook!

Join us!

Top Five Reasons Emmer Should Be Governor – #4: Buck The Narrative

There are two duelling narratives at work in the Minnesota gubernatorial election this year.

One of them is a huge, national narrative; the immense, perhaps unprecedented in 65-100 years, backlash against the currently-absolutely-ruling party.  Conservatism is, by most rational accounts, about to deal a thrashing to liberalism that’ll make the 1994 election look like a flip of the Scott County Soil and Water district‘s power structure.  Whatever it is.  The point being, the “Narrative” is that the GOP wave rolls and breaks, sweeping away liberal politicians from coast to coast.  The left fears the wave; when you have liberal Democrats backing and filling and trying to portray themselves as conservatives and telling a sitting president two years off the biggest electoral mandate in decades to “shove it“, and even the likes of Lori Sturdevant are filling their sandbags (didja know Larry Pogemiller has grown more conservative?  Lori says so!), there’s a narrative out there.  And of course, the counter-narrative, from the DFL and the media (pardon, as always, the redundancy, and it’ll be a joy to be done with this campaign if only so I can retire that particular phrase for the next 18 months or so), is that Minnesota is the state that always bucks that trend; we voted against Reagan in ’84! (for a native son, at a time when our GOP was indistinguishable from the DFL).  The narrative says that conservatives, usually Republican, are going to win and win big.

The counternarrative, being pushed by the DFL and their BFFs in the regional media?  The hope that they can manufacture some change in one of the DFL’s greatest frustrations; the Chicago-Cubs-like inability to win the big prize, the governor’s office.  The DFL hasn’t had an elected governor in a generation, since 1986, when Rudy Perpich slouched into his last, ludicrous term (Jesse Ventura doesn’t count, even though he fronted the DFL-lite “Independence Party”, and his policy strings were pulled by “moderate” DFLers Tim Penny and Dean Barkley, and since he had no party representation in the Legislature he had to spend his entire term spooning with Roger Moe to get anything done, and essentially governed as an insane man who, paradoxically, was sane for a DFLer).  The press’ desire for change in the governor’s office – for a DFLer, any DFLer, even an ersatz one like Tom Horner – is almost physically palpable.  And it reminds one of the old parable of the frogs who wished for a king, and were sent a stork.  Storks eat frogs, lest the irony escape you.

The media, for all their caterwauling about reporting what actually happens, loves narratives.  It satisfies the human desire to bring order and pattern to chaos (not to mention putting their party in control, with an aim toward redistricting Michele Bachmann out of Congress, since those stupid voters keep refusing to do it for them).

Screw the narratives.

Minnesota needs not only a leader, but a leader whose goal and mission is to break with the bigger, longer, more debilitating narrative that’s driven this state for far, far too long – that Minnesota is a big-government, big-“service”, big expense state.  It was a model that arguably worked a few decades ago, when our economy and our world were very, very different places that were a lot more forgiving of wholesale patronage and gross inefficiency.  More on that in tomorrow’s installment of this series.

Minnesota needs a new narrative – one that we, The People, write as we go, through our own merits and drive and energy and determination.  Not one written at 4225 Portland, or on Plato Boulevard, or on Times Square.

We can elect Mark Dayton, and keep on acting in someone else’s story – the same story we’ve lived through before.  The same story that’s reaching its miserable denouement in California, and Massachusetts, and Illinois – leaving They, The People, broke and out of work and picked clean by the taxman.

Or you can write a new narrative – our narrative – starting on November 3, if Tom Emmer is elected.

I’m making my choice, of course.

Previous Reasons Emmer Should Be Governor

#5:  Our Better Nature

The Real Contest

After the release of the welter of ludicrous polls from the Strib and the Humphrey Institute that – inevitably – showed Mark Dayton with improbably large leads earlier this week, the grownups have finally spoken.

First came the public release of an internal poll by the Emmer campaign showing the race an even-up, 40-40 tie.

And the KSTP/SurveyUSA poll (rated as the third best polling in the US by left-leaning Nate Silver at 538) shows a statistical tie – 39-38 Dayton, with a four point margin of error:

The poll shows Emmer has expanded his lead among men by two points, while Dayton’s lead among women has fallen 14 points since earlier this month. Emmer leads by five points among people ages 18 to 49; Dayton has a nine-point lead among those over age 50.

This tracks with results I saw a few weeks back in District 32B.

Here’s the part I love; the Leftybloggers’ constant bleat of “omitting cell phone users underpolls Democrats” is shown to be so much wind in sails:

For the first time, the KSTP/SurveyUSA poll includes a survey of people who only use cell phones. Among this population, who tend to be younger voters, Dayton and Emmer are both at 35 percent. Fifteen percent of these voters are undecided.

The good news for conservatives (and ergo Minnesota’s future)?

  • Emmer is up strongly in the SurveyUSA poll: Two weeks ago, Emmer was down by five. with a four point margin of error.
  • Emmer is up by an equal margin in internal polling:  On October eleventh – less than three weeks ago – a source inside the Emmer campaign told me that internal polling was showing Emmer down by four points.  The latest poll shows, as does the Survey USA poll, a four point jump for Emmer.

Polls, as everyone who knows polls will tell you, are a snapshot in time.  Comparing the snapshots over the past month shows that Emmer is doing exactly what his campaign has always been aiming to do; surging at the end.

A Not Remotely Modest Proposal

We don’t know how the Minnesota gubernaturial election is going to turn out yet.  I have my predictions in; you are welcome to do your own.

But one thing is for certain; it’s not going to be a 12 point race.

Which would provoke a curious person to ask; what is with the “Star/Tribune Minnesota Poll” and the “MPR/Hubert H. Humphrey Institute Polls”?

This week, they showed results for the gubernatorial election (MNPoll had Dayton +7, HHH had Dayton +12) that, I assert, may not actually be intended as DFL morale-builders – but if they were, it’d be hard to show how they’d be different.  Their oversample of Democrat “likely voters” may or may not be built on experience in Minnesota elections – but it doesn’t take a keen-eyed journalist to see that their methodology is drastically wrong.  Indeed, there are those who are taking that look; Jake Grovum at PIM does a good job of BS-detecting; he covers ground Ed and I have covered on the show as well as our various blogs over the past few months; it’s well worth a read.

And it doesn’t take a conspiracy theorist to look at the record of both of these polls and at least suspect that they smell a rat.  The Minnesota Poll has a 20-plus year record of showing DFL gubernatorial and Senate candates faring an average of 7.5% stronger on the eve of the election than they actually perform. I need to go over the figures for the Humphrey poll, but off the top of my head I do know that the HHH showed Mike Hatch leading by six points at this time in the ’06 campaign; somehow, Tim Pawlenty did seven points better than that.

It’s not that I’m qualified to bag on the inner workings of the statistician’s game; I dropped the class after one week in college.

But when you have…:

  • a twenty year history with the Strib/MNPoll, and a growing history with the HHH poll, of…
  • …errors in methodology in polling that consistently result in 6-7 point polling errors…
  • just happen to consistently – as in, without exception – favor the DFL candidate in close, important elections (forget about the 2006 Senate race), and which are…
  • …lavishly publicized at the beginning of the elections’ “get out the vote” phases…
  • …by the respective  sponsoring news and academic organizations, both of whomcan be accused – perhaps unfairly but definitely rationally – of having group cultures that favor, implicitly or explicitly, the party that is the consistent (invariable!) beneficiary of the statistical error, cycle after cycle after cycle…

…well, that strikes me as an interesting story.

Now, it’s been made clear to me in this election cycle that the elite of the Twin Cities political media establishment – the Rachel Stassen-Bergers and Tom Schecks and Bill Salisburys and Pat Kesslers and David Brauers and Erik Blacks and Tim Pugmires who do the heavy lifting at political coverage for the major regional media – don’t like mere peasants with blogs kibitzing about how they do their jobs, to say nothing about their story timing and selection.

But if I were a journalist (pardon the blasphemy – tis a silly thought), this woudl strike me a subject worthy of some scrutiny.

Perhaps even…investigation!

But I suspect that job will be left to us mere unlettered peasants, in our spare time, over the next two years.

Just saying.

HHH Institute?  Princeton Research? Strib?  MPR?  Expect a phone call in early December.

Top Five Reasons Dayton Should Not Be Governor – #4: Fool Us Three Times…

F. Scott Fitzgerald once said that Americans hate second acts.

It’s baloney, of course, Americans love a good comeback story.  Our history is crowded with ’em; Grover Cleveland’s second term; William Howard Taft’s service on the Supreme court; Richard Nixon (who perhaps should not have had his second act); Ronald Reagan himself, whose career spanned several different iterations.

But as George Patton said, Americans hate a loser.

And while God no doubt loves Mark Dayton, it’s quite clear that if we, the people of Minnesota, were a bank, and Mark Dayton were coming to us for a loan, and his collateral were his record in office, we would turn him down.

Dayton’s record doesn’t even qualify as “checkered”; it’s just plain bad.

Leave aside his questionable record as a New York City high school teacher – during which he taught about 1/3 of the working days during his tenure, and left in mid-year.  Let’s look at his political record:

  • State Auditor: Dayton was, at best, an undistinguished State Auditor.
  • Economic Development Director: Dayton shuffled through two years as the state’s Economic Development Director.  And then, with another recession on the way, he quit – as related by his boss Rudy Perpich’s son in a brutal Strib Op-Ed, to safeguard his own political future.
  • The Bumbler: His term as Senator was the stuff of comedy legend, almost like an out-take from the old TV series Benson.  When even the ultra-liberal Time calls a Democrat “America’s Worst Senator”, it’s time to sit up and take notice.  And – her’e’s the important part – learn from experience.

Dayton is a dissipate playboy who regards politics as a hobby.  If you had a kid who messed up this much, would you give him not only another toy, but a bigger, more expensive one?

Of course not.

Minnesota deserves better.

Previous Reasons Dayton Should Not Be Governor

#5: We Are Better Than This

Top Five Reasons Emmer Should Be Governor – #5: Our Better Natures

What are Minnesotans’ great strengths?

We have so many; we’re resourceful (who else could live in such a cold place)?  We’re smart – our test scores show it (although North Dakotans would seem to be smarter, by that measure); we’re communitarian, even without the heavy hand of government to drag it out of us.

We’re self-starters; we’ve created things as varied as sandpaper and the artificial heart; the homing torpedo and instant cake mix; the supercomputer and solid dish soap…

…and while government has had its role in many of those achievements, Minnesotans should stand up and take credit where it’s due; government at the very best merely got out of the way.

But look at Mark Dayton’s entire campaign.  Everything about it reads like a return to the 1970’s, from the goals – resurrecting and perpetuating programs like Local Government Aid – through the “eat the rich” language.

Just as our companies, and our families, have had to change to meet the challenges that happen as times change, so must our government.

There is one candidate that will make government adapt to the same changing times we all face.

Tom Emmer has run a campaign that has not only focused on the positive – he even chided Ed Morrissey and I for calling Dayton “the opposition”, a stark contrast to the deeply, cravenly slimy campaign that Dayton has run – but looks to the best of Minnesota’s character.  His budget doesn’t scapegoat classes; it calls for some shared sacrifice on the way to a much, much better goal.  Mark Dayton’s campaign appoints others to be “Happy To Pay For A Better Minnesota”; Emmer puts the onus on all of us – and presents us all with the opportunity, not only to escape California/Greek/New York style stagnation and bankruptcy, but to share in honestly-earned rewards.

Tom Emmer has run a principled campaign; he presents the state with a tenable plan to balance its budget while taking care of the people who need taking care of, and asking a little more out of those who don’t – like city governments.

He appeals to Minnesotans’ better natures – our strength, our communitarian spirit, our intelligence, our vision.  Not our passive-aggressive venality.

It’s just one of the reasons I’m voting for Emmer.  But it’s an important one.

Four more to go before Monday.  Stay tuned.

Chaos

It was seventy years ago today that Italy invaded Greece.

We’ll come back to that.

———-

Chaos Theory is a mathematical, physical and, occasionally, philosophical theory that says among other things that any action can, theoretically, have a hypothetically infinite set of consequences – even consequences that would never have been predictable.

Such was Italy’s invasion of Greece – from whose language, ironically, the word “Chaos” comes.

———-

Mussolini, feeling left out of the big conquest-go-round (he’d been stymied by French resistance in the Alps during the Battle of France, had had only captured a few square miles of the country, and his total so far had been the occupation of Albania in early 1939, and the 1935 conquest of Ethiopia – and even that wasn’t going all that well.  Mussolini decided he needed to rack up a trophy.

Months  of diplomatic maneuvering followed, of course.  The Greek Government was actually fundamentally friendly to the Nazis; the Greek dictator, Ioannis Metaxas, was fundamentally a Fascist in the classical sense of the term, and sought friendly relations with Hitler (who, to be fair, seemed to be the winning side at this point in the war).

Metaxas

Metaxas

But Mussolini saw low-hanging fruit.  His few successes in the war so far had come at the expense of the British; he’d swept aside a token British force to occupy British Somaliland.  Since Britain seemed to be on the ropes so far, he sought to build up bases from which to securely pick over what he thought would be the corpse of British power in the Eastern Mediterranean – Egypt, the Suez Canal, Palestine – to add to his new Roman Empire.

Italian troops in East Africa.

Italian troops in East Africa.

So seventy years ago yesterday, Mussolini demanded that Metaxas allow his troops free passage through Greece to occupy strategic locations – naval and air bases that could be used as jumping-off points in the Eastern Med.

It was an absurd request, designed to be rejected – and Metaxas knew it.   When the Italian ambassador presented Mussolini’s ultimatum, Metaxas replied in French (at the time, the lingua franca – hah! – of diplomacy), “”Alors, c’est la guerre” – “Then it’s war”.  This was passed on to the Greek people in a single word – Ochi.  “No”.

It was a setup, of course; the Italians invaded promptly, seventy years ago today, with half a million men and a division of tanks and six times as many planes as the Greeks owned.

Italian CV33 tankette - small tank - deploying to Albania before the invasion.

Italian CV33 "tankette" - small tank - deploying to Albania before the invasion.

The Greeks were a small country – but they were an exceedingly tough nation.  The people who hewed a living from the rocky peninsula had just won their independence from the Turks within the previous generation, and still held their independence dearly.  And they had had generations of experience fighting in the rocky, inhospitable mountains.

Greek troops moving into the mountains, 1940

Greek troops moving through the mountains, 1940

While the nation was poor, it had invested heavily in its military – then as now.  Even today, the Greek military is exceedingly large for the nation’s size and strategic position; it’s hereditary hatred of Turkey, whose military is equally exaggerated, keeps things tuned to a fever pitch.

And partly due to that national history, and partly due to Metaxas’ militant nationalism, the Greeks were ready.  They’d built a line of fortifications in the extremely rugged country along the Albanian border.  The Italian offensive smacked into the Elaia-Kalamas line – and bounced off.

By mid-December, the Italian offensive had petered out.  A Greek counteroffensive tossed the Italians out of whatever parts of Greece they’d conquered, and the riposte lopped off a quarter of Albania by April.

Greek soldier sitting on disabled Italian tankette, or mini-tank.

Greek soldier sitting on disabled Italian "tankette", or mini-tank.

In March, concerned by the potential threat to vital British territory at Suez and Crete, Churchill diverted British troops from Africa to Greece to help backstop the Greeks.  Faced with the complete implosion of his ally and, potentially, the loss of North Africa, Hitler responded by invading Greece in April of 1941.  Invaded from Albania and Bulgaria – Hitler’s ally – Greece fell in a three-week Blitzkrieg of immense brutality, leading to four years’ occupation (and fierce Greek resistance).

———-

So let’s go back to chaos theory.

The invasion of Greece set off a chain of events that, directly and indirectly, changed the course of World War II.

  • The Neutralization of Italy: Along with the crushing defeats that’d come in North Africa the following year, Italy proved itself a paper tiger.
  • The Costliest Rescue: Hitler, to bail out his paper-tiger ally, diverted troops from his planned invasion of the Soviet Union to conquer the Greeks.  He was forced to push back the invasion – Operation Barbarossa – by a couple of months to make up for it.
  • The Costliest Counter-Rescue: The British diversion of troops and resources to Greece weakened their position in North Africa, leaving their holdings overextended and ripe for counterattack by German general Erwin Rommel, who would become known as the Desert Fox.
  • Pyrrhic Victories: While the British – overextended, at the end of their supply lines – got clobbered in their attempt to rescue Greece, they were largely able to evacuate.  Many evacuated to Crete – where a German airborne assault managed to conquer the Island in June of 1941, but with casualties so horrific that the Germans never attempted another airborne assault.
  • The Sandy Backwater: Rommel’s success in the deserts of Libya and Egypt led to the diversion of immense British resources to countering him – which led eventually to the turning-point Battle of El Alamein, in early 1942.
  • Supply Lines: The attempt to supply the British forces in Greece passed through and by the key British base at Malta led to one of the epic ongoing naval and air battles in history, as the Germans and Italians pounded the British-held island of Malta.  After Greece fell, Malta became a threat to German/Italian supply lines to North Africa, making the skies above Malta one of the most ferocious air battles of the war, and the seas around Malta a graveyard of British and Italian ships and submarines; the ongoing battle around Malta may have been one of the costliest naval campaigns in history.
  • Diversion: The imperative to lift the threat to Malta, clear the Germans and Italians from Africa and open the Mediterranean to ease the threat on the Suez Canal prompted the first great US land campaign in Europe – “Operation Torch”, the invasion of Morocco and Algeria.  Fraught with costly blunders against the experienced Germans, it was a bloody education for US troops.
  • A Stitch In Time: The two months delay in the launching of the attack on the USSR meant that Hitler’s troops arrived at the gates of Moscow as winter fell, rather than at the beginning of autumn.  It meant their drive to the Caucasus, and the vital oil fields, bogged down in the frozen rubble of Stalingrad, rather than passing through.  This crippled the Germans’ timetable, and enabled the USSR to rebuild its army, to absord Lend-Lease equipment from the US, and to eventually go on to win the war in the East.
  • Echoes: The Greek resistance to the Nazis, esconced in the rugged mountains of that craggy land, was among the largest in occupied Europe.  And like many resistance movements, it was deeply divided between Nationalists loyal to the pre-war government, and Communists whom Metaxas had forced underground and who had been engaged in resistance even before the war. Both sides took their tolls on the Nazis, Italians and Bulgarian occupiers.  Both sides absorbed immense aid from the UK, USSR and, eventually, the US. And after the war, they turned their attention on each other in a bloody civil war that threatened to put Greece in the Soviet bloc for a decade, and into deep-seated political feuding that made the Greek communist party a serious contender for power into the eighties, and has made left-right politics in Greece a bloodsport until this very day, with consequences the Greek nation is feeling even as we speak.

And so a small,  pointless, ego-driven sideshow had side-effects that tipped the outcome of World War II, the Cold War, and our current economic climate.

Opa.

The HHH And The DFL Get Out The Vote Effort

Another MPR/HHH Poll. Another lopsided sample.  Another improbably huge Dayton lead.

Another day in a city where the media and academy actively work with the dominant political party to maintain control.

According the poll, which has a margin or sampling error between 3.6 percent and 5.5 percent and surveyed 751 likely voters, Dayton had support from 41 percent of those voters, Republican Tom Emmer had support from 29 percent and Independence Party’s Tom Horner had 11 percent.

Blah blah blah.

Rachel Stassen-Berger did manage to put this rather key fact in paragraph three, rather than buried under the fold as in most coverage of these DFL morale-builders (emphasis added):

The poll’s sample includes 45 percent Democrats, 38 percent Republicans and 16 percent independents. The percentages for both the Democrats and the Republicans are higher than recent Star Tribune Minnesota Polls, which had a sample that included roughly a third of voters in each category.

I’m not saying there’s collusion between the HHH (although Emmer would cut higher ed funding), MPR (whose state subsidy Emmer favors cutting) and the Star/Tribune (which has been audibly slavering for a DFL governor) to try to get out DFL votes.

But if they were colluding, I’m not sure how these polls would be any differnet, or differently-timed.

Top Five Reasons Dayton Should Not Be Governor – #5: We Are Better Than This

Think back over the past six months of Mark Dayton’s campaign. Think over the ads he’s run.  Think back over the messages.

Why would you vote for Mark Dayton?

Now, make no mistake; the Dayton campaign – and its “third-party” advertising from the Alliance for a Better Minnesota, which is “third party” only on the most technical sense of the term, having been funded largely by the Dayton family – has tried to give you all sorts of reasons to vote against Tom Emmer; two drunk driving arrests 20 and 30 years ago, some grossly out-of-context statements about food server wages and legislative records and some poking and prodding at his conservative voting record.

But why would one vote for Mark Dayton?

Let’s go through his ads and see if we can find a positive, affirmative reason to vote for Mark Dayton, rather than against Tom Emmer.  Let’s run through the Top Five reasons:

5. He wants to tax “the rich”.  Which “rich?”  We’ll come back to that later.

4. He was a high school teacher forty years ago, and will make sure that schools get more money, or something. The message is a little vague.

3. Er…

I got nothing.

The fact is, Mark Dayton’s entire campaign has been run on slime.  Think of the campaign’s salient points, such as they’ve been:

  • Emmer favors “Uncertified” Teachers… – …of exactly the type that Mark Dayton himself once was.
  • Minnesota Cities need to be able to launder their spending through the state to dodge accountability to their own taxpayers: We pretty well addressed and debunked that here, and here, and here, and here, and here.
  • Emmer Got Sued!: The Strib’s Pat Doyle “distinguished” himself with his hit piece on Emmer, which managed to maneuver itself into spreading everything about Emmer’s legal and personal record that could be construed as unfavorable – while carefully excising all exculpatory context.  Someday when they give awards for showing that “journalistic ethics” are merely “a framework by which journalists justify the means toward their ends”, Doyle will be a winner emeritus.
  • Emmer Hates Gays – Except even the most remedial degree of reporting shows that the whole claim is based on a fraudulently-overblown and out-of-context claim of support for one Bradlee Dean.  This was blown up into the most contrived astro-turf campaign I have seen in all my years of watching DFL astroturf – a coast-to-coast fabrication of the vapours that generated much heat about Target Corporation’s donation of $150K in cash and services to a pro-business PAC that, nonetheless, did nothing much except show America what a bunch of yapping McCarthyites Minnesota liberals are.
  • The Phantom Plan: Until about Labor Day – four solid months – the DFL and its minions caterwauled about Emmer’s lack of a “budget plan“.  Then he released a plan – which balanced the budget – and pointed out the inconvenient truth that Dayton’s first whack at a plan came up $3billion light; his second plan is a little over a billion off the mark.
  • Emmer Had Two DUIs, and wanted to lower penalties for drunk driving!: The episodes were twenty and thirty years ago.  And Emmer has been constantly forthcoming about his youthful mistakes, unlike Senator Dayton’s silence on his record of alcoholism, mental illness and other erratic behavior (of which more later).  As to ABM’s giggly claims that Emmer tried to “lower penalties for drunk driving” – it turned to be a gross, craven distortion, the sort of thing that was called a “filthy lie” in a more direct age.

Alliance for a Better Minnesota broke records, not only for spending (nearly unreported by the mainstream media and utterly unchallenged by our state’s so-called “watchdog” organizations), but for the serial falsity of its claims.  The DFL’s bullpen of news-release blogs were only too happy to carry the water.  While the DFL caterwauled about corporate funding, ABM spent nearly four million in funds from public employee unions and…the Dayton Family and candidate Dayton himself.

Mark Dayton has no positive vision for the state of Minnesota.

He waves the flag of “class” envy – really achievement envy – and vague blandishments about school funding…and that’s about it.

Minnesota deserves a better vision than this.

Minnesota deserves better than Mark Dayton.

That Little Bit Of Wind In My Morning Sails

A few months ago, I attended a get-together with a few candidates.

Now, the upside of a huge surge year like this is that you get a lot of people who are taking their first run at politics, and miiiiight need a little polish to their presentation skills.

But I can feel good that not a single Republican candidate I met came across quite like this.

No, I’m feeling pretty good now.

Lists Everywhere

Over the next five days I’m going to run three lists.

  • The Top Five Reasons Mark Dayton Should Not Be Governor – I’ll be running them one per day between now and Monday.
  • The Top Five Reasons Tom Emme Should Be Governor – One a day til Monday, except I may take Sunday off and double ’em up on Monday.
  • And finally, my traditional Top 100 Reasons I’m Voting For Tom Emmer on Tuesday morning, as we all get up and head to the polls.

They’ll pretty much sum up the past six months on this blog.

Stay tuned.

Backing And Filling

The DFL starts to work on its damage control from its viciously anti-Catholic attack piece.

Blois Olson – who is not “the DFL”, per se, but has a history of working for DFL candidates – in his “Morning Take”

MN GOP will push to find controversy with a direct mail piece in SD40. GOP operatives are working hard to advance outrage over a mail piece sent by the MN DFL in the race for SD40 where incumbent DFL Sen. John Doll is running against GOPer Dan Hall.

“Find controversy?”

I think the controversy pretty much jumps out and beats you over the head.  Check it out for yourself:

Click for full size

Not a lot of room for interpretation there.

There is no doubt that if they get traction with this it could have some statewide impact on the election, especially if they advance the narrative that the piece is anti-Catholic. While one side of the piece shows a clergy collar with a faux button “Ignore the Poor”. The other takes legitimate pointed criticism at GOPer Dan Hall’s positions related to the MN budget and ties it to his profession as a chaplain.

Which is part of the DFL’s outreach to the region’s – mostly the Metro’s – “social justice-gospel” addled – Catholics; the idea that the state’s budget itself is a sort of Good Work.

That’s no different than finding issue with any other candidates profession and the political positions they take. The piece is hard hitting, but clergy of other faith’s wear a collar, and the word “Catholic” doesn’t appear anywhere on the piece.

Olson goes on to point out that priests of other denominations wear clerical collars.  But the ad’s only context is the current race – where Archbishop Nienstedt has attacked gay marriage, and where Tom Emmer is a very orthodox Catholic.

And neither the Episcopal nor Orthodox hierarchies have taken any key political stances in this election (or have they?  Who would know?) as has the Archdiocese.  If this piece is a swipe at the Anglicans, Greeks or Russians, it’d be a response to an Orthodox or Episcopal stance that nobody’s really aware of; being a highly-qualified pundit, I’m pretty sure Olson knows that’d be a curious misallocation of resources at this point in the campaign.

The ad is a swipe at District 40 Senate candidate Dan Hall, who is a volunteer chaplain with the Burnsville Fire Department.  The DFL’ s line is that Hall is a “Hypocrite” for preaching on the one hand, and supporting Governor Pawlenty on rejecting the big federal Medicaid payment.

The DFL is taking it upon itself to tell us who is or is not a good Christian and Catholic, based on adherence to the DFL’s budget wish list.

Senators Koch and Fishbach gave a statement about an hour ago asking if candidate Dayton stood by his party’s attack.  Dayton is Catholic – or at least he’s given the homily at ultraliberal Saint Joan of Arc in Minneapolis.

I’m gonna suspect he lets this ride without mention…

UPDATE:   MDE has scanned the full postcard.

CORRECTION:  The postcard was sent by the DFL State, not Central, Committee.  It was an inadvertent slip.  Hard to tell all those committees apart.

Pray For Cold

Parts of northern Minnesota have gotten/will get two feet of snow out of the blizzard currently sweeping in from the Dakotas.

If you follow conventional Minnesota political wisdom, the worse the weather is, the better the GOP does.

So the colder it stays, and the more of that snow lingers ’til Tuesday, the better it’s going to be for Cravaack and Byberg.

So break out those parkas and tough it out and hope for some serious cold.

Fake And Inaccurate

Berg’s Seventh Law – “When a Liberal issues a group defamation or assault on conservatives’ ethics, character or respect for liberty, they are at best projecting, and at worst drawing attention away from their own misdeeds.” – remains one of the most accurate formulas in American politics today.

The left has been caterwauling about “Corporate Money in Politics” – the fallout from the Citizens United case, which allowed corporations to donate money to political campaigns.  They’re concerned, so they say, about money “polluting politics”, and want it stopped, stopped, for our own good.

Berg’s Seventh Law says that they are trying to draw attention away from their own activities.  And the Law is a law for a reason; it’s always right:

A record $87.5 million has been spent by one union, the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees, to elect Democrats. Paid not by voluntary contribution from its members, but by forced union dues from workers—who are paid by taxpayers.

I’m opposed to unlimited spending by any outside interest group or individual, and I believe full disclosure should be required on all campaign spending. Thanks largely to the Supreme Court ruling on the Citizens United case, however, the law encourages this political money pornography. But it’s laughable to hear President Obama and the Democrats suggest that this is somehow a Republican phenomenon.

Six of the top 10 overall political action committee spenders are union groups, with the vast amount of contributions supporting Democratic candidates. The spending by labor unions, with AFSCME as Exhibit A, makes a mockery of President Obama’s bogus boogeyman scare tactics about supposed shadowy foreign interests—a charge to which CBS anchor Bob Schieffer asked David Axelrod, “Is that all you got?”

Contrary to what Obama and the Democrats would have us believe, the Tea Party is largely fueled by small-dollar donations from American citizens in amounts of $200 or less.

Here in Minnesota, unions and the Dayton family and associates have been pouring money into the PACs “Alliance for a Better Minnesota” and “Win Minnesota” and “The 2010 Fund”, to the tune of double Emmer’s campaign fund.  Most of the money is from out of state.  Almost all of it is in huge chunks, as opposed to the small donations that have floated the Emmer campaign – a phenomenon first noted in this blog in 2002, when it came out that the average donation for the “populist” Paul Wellstone was five times as large as the average donation for Norm Coleman, even though both had about the same amount of donations.

The DFL; Democracy For Lease.

Catholics: They Hate You. They Really Really Hate You.

Chalk up the list of minority groups on whose votes the Minnesota DFL party believes they can count, no matter how brazenly they abuse them; blacks, women, gays, asians, latinos…

Catholics?

This is a mailer the DFL sent out:

Click for full size
It’s from the DFL State Committee, and features…:
… a picture of a priest wearing a button that says “Ignore the Poor”.

The picture takes up the entire side of the postcard!

How low has the DFL party sunk that they would mail out pictures of a priest urging people to ignore the poor?

In their haste to try to run from the Democrat agenda of Higher Taxes and ever more Inefficient, Ineffective and Expensive Government programs, the DFL has gone too far.

The other side of the postcard talks about Government Health Care. Government run health care means the end of Catholic Hospitals. I guess the Democrats have to demonize Catholics in order to justify their stand on Government Run Health Care

I’ve long since given up on Minnesota Catholics following their church’s direction on, say, abortion; apparently those that convenience doesn’t win over, ideology trumps.

But Catholic Charities is not only among Minnesota’s largest charities – it’s among its most efficient, in terms of dollars reaching the actual poor.

Are Minnesota’s catholics satisfied being yet another kick toy for the DFL to demonize with impunity?

CORRECTION:  I inadvertently credited the postcard to the DFL Central Committee.  It’s actually the DFL State Committee.  I have  corrected the error, and regret any confusion caused by my mistake.

For Your Convenience

Democrats: pre-marked ballots in Nevada:

Some voters in Boulder City complained on Monday that their ballot had been cast before they went to the polls, raising questions about Clark County’s electronic voting machines.

Voter Joyce Ferrara said when they went to vote for Republican Sharron Angle, her Democratic opponent, Sen. Harry Reid’s name was already checked.

Ferrara said she wasn’t alone in her voting experience. She said her husband and several others voting at the same time all had the same thing happen.

“Something’s not right,” Ferrara said. “One person that’s a fluke. Two, that’s strange. But several within a five minute period of time — that’s wrong.”

The voting machine technicians?  SEIU employees.  What could possibly go wrong?

The get-out-the-vote effort? Reads just like a conservative’s wisecrack.

Isolated incident?  Nope:

A Craven County voter says he had a near miss at the polls on Thursday when an electronic voting machine completed his straight-party ticket for the opposite of what he intended.

Sam Laughinghouse of New Bern said he pushed the button to vote Republican in all races, but the voting machine screen displayed a ballot with all Democrats checked. He cleared the screen and tried again with the same result, he said. Then he asked for and received help from election staff.

“They pushed it twice and the same thing happened,” Laughinghouse said. “That was four times in a row. The fifth time they pushed it and the Republicans came up and I voted.”

M. Ray Wood, Craven County Board of elections chairman, issued a written statement saying that the elections board is aware of isolated issues and that in each case the voter was able to cast his or her ballot as desired.

And between Hennepin and Ramsey County along we have 75 charges of voter fraud from 2008.  That’s 1/4 of Al Franken’s margin of victory, in counties totaling 10% of Minnesota’s population.

But remember – according to the DFL, all of you who want to bring integrity back to our election system are racist thugs.

Helps keep things in perspective, doesn’t it?

Winter Is Springing

Via the NWS, there’s a storm brewing over God’s Country:

COLDER AIR MOVING SOUTHEAST FROM SASKATCHEWAN WILL RESULT IN RAIN CHANGING OVER TO ALL SNOW OVER WESTERN NORTH DAKOTA THIS MORNING AND THEN OVER NORTH CENTRAL NORTH DAKOTA BY AFTERNOON. THE COLDER AIR WILL REACH CENTRAL AND SOUTHERN NORTH DAKOTA BY THIS EVENING.

THE PRECIPITATION WILL BE IN THE FORM OF ALL SNOW TONIGHT THROUGH WEDNESDAY ACROSS ALL OF WESTERN AND CENTRAL NORTH DAKOTA.

THE COMBINATION OF THE VERY STRONG WINDS COINCIDING WITH PERSISTENT FALLING SNOW WILL RESULT IN VERY LOW VISIBILITIES.

THUS A BLIZZARD WARNING HAS BEEN ISSUED FOR ALL OF WESTERN AND CENTRAL NORTH DAKOTA WITH THE EXCEPTION OF SOUTHWEST NORTH DAKOTA.

ANTICIPATED SNOWFALL AMOUNTS WILL BE HIGHER FOR THOSE AREAS MAINLY NORTH AND EAST OF THE MISSOURI RIVER. BY WEDNESDAYAFTERNOON…THE HIGHEST SNOWFALL AMOUNTS WILL RESIDE OVER FAR NORTH CENTRAL NORTH DAKOTA ACROSS THE TURTLE MOUNTAINS WHERE 10 INCHES OR MORE OF SNOW IS POSSIBLE. FROM MINOT TO HARVEY AND INTO CARRINGTON EXPECT 4 TO 8 INCHES OF SNOW. 2 TO 4 INCHES OF SNOW IS POSSIBLE ALONG A LINE FROM WILLISTON TO GARRISON…BISMARCK TO JAMESTOWN AND SOUTH TO WISHEK TO ELLENDALE. 1 TO 3 INCHES OF SNOW IS LIKELY WEST OF THE MISSOURI RIVER.

Hopefully it stalls over the Red River and doesn’t arrive in Minnesota ’til Tuesday.

Dateline: March 26, 2011

The following scene presumes – heaven forfend – that Mark Dayton wins the election.

SCENE:  Office of Governor Mark Dayton.  Dayton is sitting in his chair, idly twirling a nut back and forth on a bolt.

DAYTON: (Continues to twirl bolt for about five minutes, back and forth and back and forth…)

(Esme Murphy – the Governor’s communications director – bursts into the room)

MURPHY – Sir, we have a problem.

DAYTON:  Is it time for you to paint my toenails again?

MURPHY: No, sir, that was only during interviews during the campaign.  We have a serious problem here.

DAYTON: (stares into distance, idly spinning nut on bolt) Oh.

MURPHY: The House Republicans have blocked your budget proposal.

DAYTON: (looks up from nut and bolt, looks wordlessly toward Murphy without really focusing)

MURPHY: Sir, this is a bit of a political emergency.

DAYTON: (Focuses, just a bit)

MURPHY: Shall I summon your advisers, sir?

DAYTON: (Nods.  Maybe.  Kinda.)

MURPHY (leaves room)

DAYTON: (goes back to idly spinning nut on bolt)

Three minutes pass.  Then Murphy re-enters, with Secretary of State Ritchie, House Minority Leader Rukavina, Senate Minority Leader Marty, Budget Director Denise Cardinal, and Representative Phyllis Kahn.  Chief of Staff Mike Hatch enters last, as Murphy starts to speak.

MURPHY: The rest will be here shortly; Rachel Stassen-Berger is working with a photographer on making them better-looking on camera.

(Group assembles in front of DAYTON’s desk)

MURPHY: So the situation is this; the House Republicans have blocked…

HATCH: Shut up.  (Murphy falls instantly silent) The House Republicans have blocked your budget proposal, “Governor” (HATCH coughs theatrically as he makes the scare quotes with his fingers in the air; a little glob of spittle flies through the air and lands on…) Dayton.  First things first; the Republicans should never have taken the House or Senate back.  We know whose fault that is, don’t we?

(Hatch turns to Ritchie, who visibly flinches)

HATCH: Assume the position.

(Richie falls limply to his knees)

HATCH: Lori!

(Swanson places a ball gag in Richie’s mouth, ties it securely around Richie’s face, and pushes him, face down, to the ground.  Swanson then stands on Richie’s back)

HATCH: With that out of the way – this is an emergency, “Governor”.  Even the DFLers that survived last November are rebelling, calling your tax bill “suicide”, and still we are six billion dollars short…

TOM DOOHER: (the head of the Minnesota Teachers’ Union enters, speaking) That’s Nine Billion, Governor (he says, looking at Hatch).

HATCH: Right, nine billion dollars short.

JAVIER MORILLO: (representative of SEIU enters, speaking) ELEVEN billion, Governor

HATCH: Right, eleven billion dollars short… (Hatch, Murphy and the rest stare at the door for a moment before continuing)  …for now.  We need to come up with a plan, and we need it NOW.  (He gestures at Swanson, who grinds a stiletto heel in the small of Richie’s back, as Richie squirms in pain)

DAYTON: We shall…

(twirls nut)

MURPHY: Sir?

DAYTON: …sell another Renoir.

HATCH: Good idea, sir, but a Renoir is worth a few million; we would need about a thousand of them…

CARDINAL: Actually, five thousand five hundred of them at current sale prices

HATCH: (spins on heels, pulling a dagger from under his jacket, screams hysterically) SHUT UP! IF I WANT YOUR OPINION I WILL GRANT YOU THE RIGHT TO HAVE ONE!.   (Cardinal flinches)  I WILL RIP OFF YOUR HEAD AND CRAP DOWN YOUR THROAT.  DO YOU READ ME?  (Cardinal nods, meekly)

HATCH: Yes, sir, five thousand-odd Renoirs to close the budget gap…

DOOHER: Er, that’s gonna be six thousand.

HATCH: Six thousand Renoirs to close the gap.

DAYTON: (Nods, twirling the nut on the bolt)

HATCH: Sooooo, we need a political solution.  Marty! (John Marty snaps to attention) Throw a party for the GOP caucuses in both chambers.  Open bar!  And then have the Highway Patrol waiting for them!  We’ll catch ’em all driving drunk!  Hah!

SWANSON: Already tried that, sir.  Didn’t work.

DAYTON: (idly spins nut on the bolt as head bobbles idly back and forth)

HATCH: (pounds hand on Dayton’s desk) DAMMIT! Maybe we should get photoshopped pictures of all of them in a bathroom stall at the airport.

KAHN: Seems a bit implausible, sir.

DAYTON: (puts bare right foot up on the desk)  My toenail needs painting.  Esme?

MURPHY: No, sir, not now…

DAYTON: Oooh.  Then I’ll get Keri Miller to do it.

MURPHY: (sighs). I’ll put in a call, sir. But we have to figure out this eleven-billion dollar gap…

DOOHER: Thirteen billion dollars.

MURPHY: …this thirteen billion dollar gap first, sir.

DAYTON: (nut falls off bolt).

(Room falls silent)

DAYTON: Close the office.  I’m going to Vail.

HATCH: “Governor” (makes scare quotes with fingers), we can’t “close the office” (makes scare quotes with fingers).  You have to “Make a decision” (makes scare quotes with fingers).

DAYTON:  (Puts head down on desk)

HATCH:  Oh, christ.  OK, get him outta here.  (Marty and Kahn carry Dayton from room as Hatch continues with scarcely a pause). OK, Murphy?  Start the new ad campaign; “Minnesota – where everybody’s rich!”  Bill it to Alita. Again.  And Tom? (Rukavina snaps to attention)  Submit a bill that’ll increase taxes on “the rich” to 15%.   Lori?  Put out a release saying we’re investigating – er, you’re investigating Majority Leader Zellers for witchcraft.  Let’s move, people!

(Group exits, leaving Richie face-down on the floor, whimpering)

AUTHOR’S NOTE:  Now, I believe, as I have since May, that Tom Emmer is going to win by three.  But just in case people are undecided, the above qualifies as “fiction” only because it hasn’t happened yet.