SCENE: Mitch BERG is working on the potato boxes in his backyard. Avery LIBRELLE walks through the back gate into BERG’s back yard.
LIBRELLE: Hey, Merg! The case of workplace violence in Orlando proves that it’s time for America to get serious about guns.
BERG: We did. Or at least parts of the country did; the parts that ratcheted up the penalties for gun crimes, and seriously prosecuted straw buyers, saw a marked decrease in gun crimes. Of course, that wasn’t “sexy” enough for the Democrat-run governments of most major cities – so while the rest of the nation’s crime rate plummets, in major Democrat-run cities it’s rising…
LIBRELLE: I’m already bored. The Orlando workplace violence episode proves that guns are no defense.
BERG: It showed that a cop working security was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that Mateen, unlike most mass shooters, didn’t fold up when he ran into resistance. As might befit someone who was carrying out a terror attack, as opposed to someone just seeking immortality as a spree killer. That’s just a theory…
LIBRELLE: …I’m still bored.
BERG: Well, bore yourself with this; had a any person in that club had a legal, permitted firearm, they could have stopped the shooting.
LIBRELLE: Can you guarantee that?
BERG: There are no guarantees in life. But I’d like to talk you through three hypothetical scenarios.
LIBRELLE: Don’t make me bored!
BERG: What’s with the boredo…oh, never mind .
Scenario 1: You’re out at a bar. Someone starts shooting. People around you are getting hit left and right.
Suddenly, a schlub nearby sees an opportunity while the shooter is shooting the other way; they draw their legal handgun, and they kill the attacker.
LIBRELLE: That’s unrealistic.
LIBRELLE: The attacker would shoot them first. They’d sense they were about to be attacked, and turn and kill them. Which would just make it worse for everyone else in the club.
BERG: What, you think mass shooters are superman ninja warriors or something?
LIBRELLE: Doesn’t matter. That never happens.
BERG: By my count, it’s happened at least sixteen times in recent years.
But that brings us to the second scenario. Let’s say a citizen draws, and misses, or doesn’t kill the shooter, and the shooter kills the citizen. That’d be tragic – but it’d throw the shooter’s plan off, and give people time to escape in the confusion, and probably safe at least a few lives.
LIBRELLE: You’re dreaming.
BERG: Well, it’s happened. But it probably beats the third scenario.
LIBRELLE: Which is?
BERG: (Very, very quietly, with an air of fervent, quiet concentration). You’re at a bar. (LIBRELLE listens intently; BERG continues, quietly). Shooting rings out. People are dying left and right. But the bar is a gun-free zone, and everyone in the bar followed the law tonight. So there’s exactly one armed person in the joint – the mass shooter, motivated by hate, or desire for immortality, or on a terror mission. And the shooter keeps on going, blasting away, killing defenseless person after defenseless person (BERG grows quieter, leaning toward LIBRELLE, who leans closer as well), killing everyone around you until…
LIBRELLE: Until wha…
BERG: (At a whisper) he lifts his gun, and (BERG yells at the top of his lungs) BOOM! RIGHT AFTER YOU PROJECTILE CRAP YOURSELF WITH FEAR, HE BLOWS YOUR F****NG HEAD INTO A MILLION F****NG PIECES ALL OVER THE WALL!
LIBRELLE: (Leaps backward eyes, wide with fear, transfixed, hyperventilating).
BERG: Your choice.
LIBRELLE: (Quickly shuffles out of BERG’s back yard).
BERG: Seriously, Avery. It is your choice.