Berg’s Law

I first codified the various “Berg’s Laws” in 2005. Now, for the first time, I’m going to put them all in one place:

Berg’s First Law of Liberal Iraq Commentary – “No liberal commentator is capable of addressing more than one of the President’s justifications for the War in Iraq at a time; to do so would introduce a context in which their argument can not survive”

Berg’s Corollary to Bissonnette’s Law – (Whenever someone introduces an “Old West” analogy into a discussion on civilian firearms ownership, the person can be presumed to be covering for absolute ignorance on the subject). Corollary: Whenever anyone says “people who favor guns are compensating for something, ifyaknowwhatImean”, know what they mean only in the most academic possible sense.


Berg’s Third Law of Human Resilience – At any time less than three weeks after any natural disaster, whenever government and the media declare “there can not be any more survivors, and this is now a recovery operation”, they will be wrong.


Berg’s Fourth Law of Media/Sports Inversion – The Vikings will be contenders until the moment the local media actually believes they will be contenders. At that moment – be it pre-season or Week 12 – the season will fall irredeemably apart.


Berg’s Fifth Law of Historical Illiteracy – 99% of the invocations of Godwin’s Law are intended to get out of a losing argument.


Berg’s Sixth Law of writing a Blog in a city full of people with dubious senses of Humor – To every joke, there is an equal and opposite inappropriately petulant reaction.


Berg’s Seventh Law of Liberal Projection - When a Liberal issues a group defamation or assault on conservatives’ ethics, character, humanity or respect for liberty or the truth, they are at best projecting, and at worst drawing attention away from their own misdeeds. Here are the references to Berg’s 7th Law.

The McKay Corollary To Berg’s Seventh Law – Any time the liberal media (to say nothing of leftyblogs) “reports” on guns or race, they should be distrusted but verified. And then, to an almost-mathemetical standard of invariably, distrusted some more.


The “Sixty-First-Minute” Corollary to Berg’s Seventh Law – any time the mainstream (to say nothing of overtly liberal) media presents supposedly damaging information about conservatives, they should presumed guilty of dishonest editing or outright manufacturing of evidence until proven innocent.  They are almost never proven innocent.


The Fugelsang Corollary To Berg’s Seventh Law – a liberal who uses “I’m happy with my penis size” as a conclusion to a debate on the Sexond Amendment doth protest too much.


Berg’s Eighth Law of Diversity: American liberalism’s reaction to one of “their”constituents – women, gays or people of color – running for office or otherwise identifying as a conservative is indistinguishable from sociopathic disorder. Here are the references to Berg’s 8th Law.


Berg’s Ninth Law of Experiential Value: Advice on “keeping a marriage together” from anyone whose kids haven’t been moved out for at least five years is also known as”wishful thinking”.


Berg’s Tenth Law of Quantum Context: When a liberal says a conservative is “lying”, the odds of the “lie” being merely an ambiguity triggering some form of cognitive dissonance increases in geometric proportion with the volume and stridency of the liberal’s declaration. Here are the references in this blog to Berg’s 10th Law.


The Mother Jones Corollary to Berg’s Tenth Law:  “Progressive” media accusations regarding conservative depravity should be distrusted and verified.  The probability that the accusation was at best a mistake and at worst a malicious misrepresentation of fact approach 100% in direct proportion to the hypoerbole of the accusation.   Example.


The Santorum Corollary to Berg’s Tenth Law:  If the news media reports something askance about a conservative’s behavior, a full look into the facts will likely show that it was reported with key context missing.  (Removed:  While it’s an overwhelming tendency, it doesn’t quite rise to the level of a “Law”.  Close, but not quite). 


Berg’s Eleventh Law of Inverse Viability: The conservative liberals “respect” for their “conservative principles” will the the one that has the least chance of ever getting elected. Here are all the references I could find to Berg’s 11th Law.


The McCain Corollary To Berg’s Eleventh Law: If that respected conservative ever develops a chance of getting elected, that “respect” will turn to blind unreasoning hatred overnight.


The Huckabee Corollary the McCain Corollary To Berg’s Eleventh Law: The Republican that the media covers most intensively before the nomination for any office will be the one that the liberals know they have the best chance of beating after the nomination, and/or will most cripple the GOP if nominated.


The Reagan Corollary To The Huckabee Corollary the McCain Corolloary To Berg’s Eleventh Law: The Media and Left (pardon the redundancy) will try to destroy the conservative they are most afraid of.


Berg’s Twelfth Law Of Hyperbolic Political Empiricism: The humorous, satirical or hyperbolic explanation of “progressive” behavior will, in direct proportion to the recklessness, extralegality, deviance or confrontiveness of the “progressive” actions being analyzed, to be the correct explanation. Here’s the entire catalog of Berg’s 12th Law references.


Berg’s Fourteenth Law Of Media Behavior: The more strenuously a media organization identifies itself as “fact-checkers”, the more completely their “fact checking” will actually be checking statement for congruency with liberal conventional wisdom. Here are all the references to Berg’s 14th Law.

The Maddow Corollary to Berg’s Fourteenth Law:  The same goes for science.

Berg’s Fifteenth Law:  When the Truthers show up, the debate is over.

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