Trulbert! Part XVII – Between Heaven And Richfield

 - 12:00AM, November 1, 2015 – Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell

All was bliss.

“Freeks and Geeks” was on.  Hell, it was still on the air – new, original first-run productions.  Better than the original.  So was “Arrested Development”, come to think of it.  And “The Sopranos”, and ”The Wire”.  Simultaneously.

And on the radio, the Vikings had just won their third straight Super Bowl.

Continue reading

Trulbert! Part XVI – The Tracer Dance

 - 7:43 PM, October 31, 2015 – Corner of LaSalle/Blaisdell and Franklin, Minneapolis, MN

Paul Hendrickson never heard the 14.5mm KPV machine gun on Todd Chuffle’s truck fire.  He was dimly aware of a blinding flash.

But mostly, he sensed the back of his Toyota Camry getting violently slammed to the right, causing him to slew to the left.

He corrected hard to the right and jammed on the gas – but although the engine whined and the tachometer redlined, the car slowed, and its movement got more labored, as the sounds of grinding and smell of burned rubber and hot metal seeped in.  The car ground to a stop just around the corner, sheltered by a building.

“Holy crap”, he exhaled, sensing the car was tilting backward.

Continue reading

Democrats: Pissing On The First Amendment

In Houston last summer, the Democrat-run government passed an “anti-discrimination” ordinance which, like most such ordinances, did little about discrimination but did sodomize freedom of association.   It was opposed by a variety of religious groups, for a variety of reasons.

But that was just the warmup.

Perhaps inspired by Barack Obama’s siccing of the IRS against dissenters, Houston’s Democrat-run city government is looking for payback against dissenters; it’s subpoenaing ministers’ sermons from the run-up to the vote for the ordinance.

That’s subpoenaing; not just sternly asking:

The city of Houston has issued subpoenas demanding a group of pastors turn over any sermons dealing with homosexuality, gender identity or Annise Parker, the city’s first openly lesbian mayor. And those ministers who fail to comply could be held in contempt of court.

“The city’s subpoena of sermons and other pastoral communications is both needless and unprecedented,” Alliance Defending Freedom attorney Christina Holcomb said in a statement. “The city council and its attorneys are engaging in an inquisition designed to stifle any critique of its actions.”

ADF, a nationally-known law firm specializing in religious liberty cases, is representing five Houston pastors. They filed a motion in Harris County court to stop the subpoenas arguing they are “overbroad, unduly burdensome, harassing, and vexatious.”

Dear Wisconsin “Jon Doe” prosecutors; I take it back.  You are no longer the most corrupt pettifoggers south of the Fed.

And this is not an aberration.  This is every Democrat, everywhere in the country.  Oh, they make nice noises about “liberties” like making dung statues of the Virgin Mary and waving their genitals around in public; but when it comes to the real ones, speech (by people not favored by the ACLU’s ministrations, meaning people from flyoverland in general), assembly, association, the fruits of ones labor, self-defense, self-determination?

If your local Democrats haven’t sicced the IRS, or a prosecutor, or their county attorney, on you yet, it’s just that they haven’t had a clear opportunity yet. 

All eggs to be broken to make the state omelet.

PS:  Don’t you dare say there’s a war on religion.

Trulbert! Part XV – Gone South

 - 7:29 PM, October 31, 2015 – Dripping With Irony Coffee Shop, Minneapolis, MN

“What is he saying?” Dan-Marius Codriciu asked his sister in Romanian.  His English had always been weaker than Hana’s, especially when the speaker wasn’t in the blue-collar warehouse worker vernacular that Dan-Marius had learned in his five years in America.

“It looks like he’s telling the people to get up and join him?” Hana said, not quite believing what she was watching.

There were maybe ten people sitting drinking coffee and eating bakery goods in her little coffee shop on East Lake Street.  As every Sunday evening, the TV was tuned to “We’ve Got Issues”.  But this was no dry discussion of school board elections or corruption in the Richfield Water Department.

 “Rise up! Rise up and seize this moment! For they may have taken our pensions, and our programs, and our security – but they can never, ever take our birthright!” said the man – Myron Ilktost – on the screen.

“Dan-Marius”, Hana said, in Romanian, nearly in a whisper, “call the cousins.  Have them get down here.  Now”.

Continue reading

Because I’m Here To Solve Problems

Police departments – at least, some that Mother Jones talked with – are ostensibly trying to get rid of surplus military gear:

Even before police militarization made the news, hundreds of police departments were finding that grenade launchers, military firearms, and armored vehicles aren’t very useful to community policing. When Chelan County police officers requested one armored car in 2000—the request that landed them three tanks—they pictured a vehicle that could withstand bullets, not land mines. Law enforcement agencies across the country have quietly returned more than 6,000 unwanted or unusable items to the Pentagon in the last 10 years, according to Defense Department data provided to Mother Jones by a spokeswoman for Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-Mo.), who has spearheaded a Senate investigation of the Pentagon program that is arming local police. Thousands more unwanted items have been transferred to other police departments.

The catch?  The Pentagon doesn’t really want it all back.  It’s cheaper to let local cops maintain it than to keep it in Federal storage.

Which is vexing some cops:

In reality, however, police departments may find the returns process slow, mystifying, or nonfunctional. Online law enforcement message boards brim with complaints that the Pentagon refuses to take back unwanted guns and vehicles—like this one, about a pair of M14 rifles that have survived attempts by two sheriffs to get rid of them.

I’ve got an obvious answer – one that’ll make cops, the Pentagon and citizens (the right ones, anyway) happy: sell it to private citizens.  Or at least the private citizens that pass the same background check that qualifies them for a state carry permit.  It’ll save government money, and make the country safer by making Real Americans better-armed.

Facetious?   Halfway.  A fair chunk of this equipment could, and should by all rights, be going into the “Civilian Marksmanship Program”.  But Barack Obama has been sandbagging the CMP for the past six years – which is why the price of surplus M-1 Garand rifles (from WW2 and the Korean War) is so very high these days.

But I digress.

And I’m about to digress some more; it’d seem we have some real powderpuffs in uniform (empasis added):

[Hillsborough NC police lieutenant Davis] Trimmer has twice requested permission to return three M14 rifles that are too heavy for practical use.

“Too heavy for practical use?”  They weight eight pounds.  Our troops lugged them all over Vietnam, for crying out loud.

Maybe the lieutenant was referring to carrying all three of them together?

Turn them over to me, if that’d help…

Trulbert! Part XIV – Trick Or Death

-5PM, Octoer 31, 2015 – The Hendrickson Residence, Minneapolis, MN

Paul and Lynn Hendrickson sat on their front porch.  The first of the trick-or-treaters were out on the street; Lynn dipped into a bowl of fun-size TacoBars for the little kids, and handed out airplane bottles of vodka to the adults; they appreciated it.  There was a brisk nip in the air.  Winter would be here soon.

The door opened, and the kids came out.

Abby was first; she was dressed as a large sheet of paper; over her face, she wore a nylon stocking with a question mark on the forehead.

“Wow, Abby – I’m stumped.  So what are you?”, asked Paul.

“I’m the authors of the Federalist Papers”.

Continue reading

Trulbert! Part XIII – The Shrieking Of Autumn Leaves

- 10:00 AM, October 29, 2015; Offices of Claimtech Enterprises, Minneapolis, MN

“There’s good news, and there’s bad news”, Shirley Bleagelle said, firing up a presentation on her laptop.

“Let’s get the good news first”, said Robert Roberts, sitting at the head of the table, playing with a Blackberry.

“OK”, said Jim Perforate (pronounced per-for-ah-TAY). “On the one hand, we’re still growing. More and more parts of the upper Midwest are using the Cud as their primary currency, and the converter apps are selling like botox at a Kardashian family reunion, and the currency exchange is making a metric poo-ton of money”.

“Excellent!”, said Roberts.

Continue reading

Trulbert! Part XII – The Klieg Lights Of Freedom

 - 7:30AM, October 29, 2015 – the WCCO Morning News

“After weeks of attacks in  Minneapolis involving arson, murder, and groups of armed people, last night saw two incidents in the suburbs – one in Bloomington, one in Fridley”.

Anchor Juan Del Amore grinned the seductive smile that had finally landed him the job in a major market, finally getting him the hell out of hellholes like Lubbock and Tuscon, into a market with some decent freaking restaurants, rather than trying to impress women at Denny’s, he absentmindedly thought, and looked to the next line on his teleprompter.

“Reporter Jessica Hardman begins our team coverage, from Bloomington”.

“Thanks, Juan”, said Hardman, her perfectly-coiffed blond hair waving in the light autumn breeze, her plum blouse unbuttoned just the way the consultants said had tested so well in their latest round of focus groups.

Continue reading

The Democrats’ War On The First Amendment

Kevin Williamson’s conclusion:

The only thing stopping federal authorities from suffocating free speech — not only by independent groups such as the SBA List, but by individuals, trade groups, National Review, and the New York Times — is the First Amendment.

And Harry Reid wants to gut it. Figure out why that is and you’ll know everything you need to know about the Democratic party, which with each passing day functions less and less like a political party and more like a crime syndicate.

What led him to the conclusion?

Well, here’s the opener:

Dissent is the highest form of patriotism. Dissent is the lowest form of crime. If you are a drone in the hive of the Left, it is possible — easy, in fact — to believe both of those things at the same time.

Just read the whole thing.

Trulbert! Part XI – Rumor Of Warp

 - 8AM, October 28, 2015 – Behind “The Stretchy Premise Cafe”, Downtown Minneapolis

It was a chilly, clear morning – even inside a red wool blazer, like the one Jared Voorhees was wearing.  He also wore a red wool “Jets” stocking cap over his normally sculpted mop of blond hair.

t had been a rough month for the Jets – once Minneapolis’ most powerful street gang.  First, there had been the escalating series of battles against the Sharks, who came repeatedly to street fights armed with handguns and submachine guns, making short work of Jets and their switchblades and broken bottles.

Then – it was hard for Voorhees to believe it’d been just a few days – the decapitation attack against Lester Sommerfeldt and the rest of the Jets’ leadership, outside Cafe Acrimony, just a few blocks away.  Continue reading

Trulbert! Part X – Human Nature

6PM, October 25, 2015 – Dripping With Irony Coffee Shop, Minneapolis, MN

The the big-screen TV in the corner, which was usually turned down during the work day, was tuned to CNN.

At a table in front of the TV sat Dave Os, Arnie Quist and Frena Marquette.

The top of the hour commercial break ended, and the opening montage for “41 Minutes:  CNN’s Weekly Newsmagazine”, opened with an explosive swoosh.

Os, Quist and Marquette applauded, excited.

Hendrickson took a seat at a table behind them, as the show’s host, Jordyn Mendez, a former Miss Ohio, wearing a navy blazer coyly unbuttoned over a yellow silk camisole top that showed just enough cleavage to be enticing without enough to be Fox News, her long black hair draped over her shoulders, framing her geometrically-perfect face in a way that had bidden men in countless marketing focus groups to stand and cheer in raw animalistic delight, began speaking in a delivery that conveyed the confidence with the teleprompter she’d gleaned working as a morning anchor for three years in Huntsville, Alabama prior to her “discovery” at CNN.

“Good evening, and welcome to 41 Minutes, CNN’s weekly newsmagazine.  I’m Jordyn Mendez.

Continue reading

Trulbert! Part IX – Freedom

 - 9AM, October 24, 2015 – Second Federal Bank, Minnepolis, MN

Paul Hendrickson walked out of the bank feeling half his weight.  His little house in South Minneapolis was all his.

It’d been a matter of timing.  With the collapse of the Dollar, Second Federal’s stock in trade was suddenly worthless.  And whatever economy had sprung up in the Twin Cities in the previous seven weeks had largely bypassed banks – at least, traditional ones, like Second Federal.

More complicated still? 

Continue reading

I’m Trying. I Really Am.

To be a nicer, more civil person.  I truly am.

Here’s the deal.  I left the Libertarian Party in 1998 largely over the LP’s complete illiteracy on foreign policy and defense.

Now, many “Libertarians” are drawn to the belief, and the party, by the reductionistic magical thinking that all of the world’s questions break down into binary, black-or-white answers.  The right answer to everything lies in unbending, unyielding adherence to “principles”, any deviance from which for any reason is an unforgiveable impurity.

Which is a fine and dandy thing, if your “principles” are so well-thought-out as to account for all of the myriad gray areas life, human nature and history throw into one’s path.  For example, the idea that some “libertarians” have that one is either an isolationist peacenik…or a “warmonger”, with nothing in between.  Too stupid to mock.

Anyway.

What I’m trying to do is figure out a way to write “if everything you know about history and foreign policy is stuff you read from the inside of Ron Paul’s anterior colon, you probably are not going to be a partner in a serious debate”.

And I got nothing.

I’m open to suggestions.

Trulbert! Part VII: In Hoc Slogan Vinces

 - 9:59AM, October 14, 2015 – in front of Dripping With Irony Coffee Shop, East Lake Street, Minneapolis, MN

Paul Hendrickson pulled up to a parking spot on Lake Street.  He was running a little late today – it’d been a long night working on getting TransactionTech available for its rollout later today.  Coffee was not just a nicety.

He walked inside.

Continue reading

Trulbert! Part VI: Currency Events

 - 9AM, October 7, 2015 – South Minneapolis, MN

Paul Hendrickson drove up to a gas station – formerly a “BP” station, across from a former “Superamerica” – and told the attendant (who ran out to offer his services) to fill ‘er up.

“Cash or In Kind?” said the smartly-uniformed attendant.

“Cash”, said Hendrickson, taking out two of the small steel squares whose production he’d overseen the previous week.

The attendant took one of the pieces of steel – about the size of a large postage stamp – and bit it, smiled, and started filling Hendrickson’s tank.

So much easier than last month, Hendrickson thought, when I had to negotiate a fill-up in casseroles, office supplies and bags of sugar.

The tank filled up with a “clunk”.  The attendant handed Hendrickson four pieces of cardboard – each worth a “dime”, or a tenth of a Cud – and said “Thank you, sir!”.

Henrickson pulled away from the pump, smiling at how much better his company’s idea – and in part, his idea – had made life in the Twin Cities in the past month or so.

Continue reading

Ferguson

What do I think about what’s going on in Ferguson, Missouri?

Re the Brown shooting:  On the one hand, American police do a lot more shooting than any other police force in the world.  More shots were fired in that single incident in Ferguson than were fired by the entire German police force in six whole weeks. 

On the other hand, African-Americans do get a disparately-harsh response from law-enforcement.   It causes some to prejudge all cases involving black shooting victimes.

On the third hand – that cuts both ways.  We don’t know the facts – not all of them – about the Brown shooting, but we’ve seen the media whitewash the likes of Darren Evanovich, trying to create a racial incident out of what turned out to be a perfectly clean self-defense shooting. 

On the fourth hand, if Brown was going for the officer’s gun, that’s a legitimate cause for self-defense.  Even for a regular citizen.  If someone grabs your gun, the law doesn’t require you to read his mind as to what he intends to do with it. 

On the fourth, we may not ever really know why the scuffle happened, or exactly what happened. 

And that, in fact, is the only real response I have to add.  Remember the media’s reports in the first hours, days, even weeks after Columbine?  Virginia Tech? The Giffords and Aurora Theater and Newtown shootings?  Remember how close to the actual facts of the stories they got?

Not at all.

So I’ll wait for the facts to shake out, assuming they ever do.

Regarding the Police Response:  I’ve written before about how I oppose the militarization of the police.  And the first couple of days of the Ferguson PD’s response was the Keystone Kops led by Major Frank Burns.  Oh, don’t get me wrong; I have no problem with the DoD selling military firearms and armored vehicles to police departments – provided they sell them to law-abiding citizens, as well.

And yet when the Ferguson Fusiliers were withdrawn and replaced by the kinder, gentler, New-Ageier Missouri State Police?   The violence ebbed ,then came back as bad as ever, prompting local, black residents to wonder to the media why the cops weren’t shooting looters.  And now the National Guard is involved. 

The Charlatan Caucus:  Of course, where there are grievances, there will be grievance vultures.  And sure enough, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are on the scene – which in and of itself devalues much of the local community’s complaints. 

As bad, in their own way?  The media – which continue lead with inaccurate info, when they’re not making the story about themselves.

Trulbert! Part V: Atlas Hocked

 -7AM, September 7, 2015:  The Arnie Quist residence, Corcoran, MN

The dew still hadn’t evaporated off the grass, as the squirrel warily scampered out from behind the tree.  He stood up on his hind legs…

…and bolted in fright a second later, as a crossbow bolt hissed through the air mere inchest from him.  He ran up a tree and hid among the branches; breakfast would wait. 

Arnie Quist shook his head in disgust.   He didn’t want to have to fall back on stored food this fast.  And sick as he was getting of rabbit and squirrel, this was in fact the moment he’d been waiting for all these years.   The Collapse!

He looked at the families next door and across the road from the 5 acre hobby farm he’d inherited from his grandfather.  They were busy trading goods and services and produce and other voluntary transactions.  The ones who had practical jobs – carpenters and mechanics and dentists – were busy trading their skills for compensation.  His other neighbors – well, it varied.

But none of it was gonna matter.  Because eventually it was all really gonna come crashing down on them. 

Soon, he thought.  Soon

Continue reading

Our President Misses The Concept Of “Democratic” Government

The Lightworker, on his penchant for trampling the separation of powers:

“The American people don’t want me just standing around twiddling my thumbs and waiting for Congress to get something done,” Obama said.

Well, yes, Mr. President; if Congress doesn’t pass legislation, those of us who understand the Constitution, especially the bit about “separation of powers”, most certainly do want you to go golfing, rather than usurp the role of Congress.

Head for the golf course, Mr. Lightworker.

Leading By Example

A New Jersey cop responds to a citizen’s allegations about his First and Fourth Amendment rights being violated:

“I’ve made you objections (sic) about what’s going on at the shelter over there,” [an animal rights activist] told the cop. “My 1st and 4th Amendment rights were violated – my civil rights were violated…”
The Helmetta police officer replied, “Obama just decimated the freakin’ Constitution, so I don’t give a damn. If he doesn’t follow the Constitution, we don’t have to.”

Just a crabby cop having a bad day and picking a lame excuse?

Perhaps.

But our founding fathers understood better than our generation does that freedom only survives when “the authorities” respect the idea. 

And to too many of them, it’s just not there.  Continue reading

Trulbert! Part IV: A Brave New Whirl

- CNN, Noon, September 1, 2015

“As the world tries to unravel the shock of the sudden devaluation of the US Dollar and most other currencies to, in effect, zero, we are monitoring the complete closure of the entire United States Government”.

Jordyn Mendez, a 5’10 former beauty pageant winner with tan skin down her long, elegant neck plunging into a low-for-TV neckline on a black business dress, framing her long black hair and eyes with a rare ability to simultaneously convey “flinty no-nonsense” and “come do me, baby”, who also had some local TV journalism background, looked into the teleprompter.

Continue reading