Trulbert! Part XXX – Armageddon’s Two Minute Warning

 - 1:23 PM, November 7, 2015 – TV Control Trailer, Outside TCF Stadium

The control room crew had hurried through the line, grabbing styrofoam plates of walleye and cheese and eating a quick meal at their stations.  Tartabull – first in line – had briefly looked at Fleen, sensing something a little off, but he had bigger fish to fry, as it were.

By 1:23, the crew had finished their lunches, and the network was about ready to throw back to Minneapolis for commentary from Jackson, Khalid and Bazongas.

Fleen, Hendrickson, the Codricius and Broadman dug under piles of uneaten walleye as Tartabull got his crew ready to start the second half.

“OK”, said Tartabull, donning his headset.  ”Stand by.  What’s the count?”

“Back in ten” said the satellite producer.

“Ready 51, ready swoosh, stand by in the booth”. Tartabull got ready to head into the second half.

“Excuse us.  There’s a change in the plan for today’s broadcast”, Todd Fleen  exclaimed.  The assembled control room crew turned as one to see Fleen holding a clump of cheese-drenched fish to Lisa Rothchild’s head.

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Trulbert! Part XXIX – The Scent Of Walleye

  – 1:12PM, November 7, 2015 – The Press Box, TCF Stadium, Minneapolis, MN

“And the Packers are going to punt the ball away at third and long, as we approach the two minute warning for the first half.  And it’s a donnybrook here at The Bank in Minneapolis, with the Vikings and Packers tied at 30 in a game that…”

Buck Jackson picked up an index card he’d been handed by a producer.

“…a game that will help Minnesotans under the benevolent leadership of their Methodist protectors shake off the chains of Wisconsinite tyranny”.  Jackson flipped the card over his shoulder in disgust.

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The American Gulag

So according to the UK Guardian, the City of Chicago runs its own private Lyubyanka:

The facility, a nondescript warehouse on Chicago’s west side known as Homan Square, has long been the scene of secretive work by special police units. Interviews with local attorneys and one protester who spent the better part of a day shackled in Homan Square describe operations that deny access to basic constitutional rights.

Alleged police practices at Homan Square, according to those familiar with the facility who spoke out to the Guardian after its investigation into Chicago police abuse, include:

  • Keeping arrestees out of official booking databases.
  • Beating by police, resulting in head wounds.
  • Shackling for prolonged periods.
  • Denying attorneys access to the “secure” facility.
  • Holding people without legal counsel for between 12 and 24 hours, including people as young as 15.

At least one man was found unresponsive in a Homan Square “interview room” and later pronounced dead.

If it’s confirmed that the Chicago Police have been pelting the Fourth Amendment with rocks and offal – then :

  • It’s time to send US troops to liberate Chicago, and
  • it makes perfect sense that it’s in a Democrat-controlled city.

Much as I love Chicago, I won’t spend another tourist dollar there until those responsible for Homan Square are frog-walked out of their offices and put into Federal custody.

And it’ll be interesting to see what other such places pop up around the country.

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Trulbert! Part XXVIII – Gladiators’ Waltz

 - 10:42 AM, November 7, 2015 – Outside TCF Stadium, Minneapolis, MN

 The rattly blue Ford Econoline van with the “Magnificent Catering” decals slowly peeling off the sides trundled up Washington Avenue, leaving a faint haze of blue in its wake.

Marcus Boardman drove the van up to the first checkpoint, at the edge of the U of M Campus.  There, under the cover of a Social with a huge machine gun in the back,   a group of Methodists, backed up by soldiers from the NFL, were checking papers for vehicles coming toward the service gates.   He got into the line of vehicles and waited his turn.

“Everyone get your papers ready”, Boardman said.  ”They’re checking everyone”.

Fleen, Hendrickson and the Codricius, sitting in the back of the van amid the trays of food, got their passes out.

Boardman hoped they were all in order.  That is one huge machine gun, he thought, controlling his breathing as he looked at the gun in the back of the Social.  It was the biggest machine gun Marcus Boardman had seen since the huge GAU-8s on the old A-10 Warthogs he’d worked on back in the Air Force.  Not quite that big, Boardman thought – at least from the side.  From the business end – where he was, now – they all looked like battleship cannon.

He eyed the heat on his van as it idled, gradually moving forward as the vehicles in front of him were admitted.

And finally they were at the front of the line.  A pudgy Methodist carrying a menacing black handgun and wearing an old Hennepin County Sheriff hat walked up to Boardman’s door, as Marcus rolled the window down.

“Back unlocked?” the man asked, visibly bored.

“Yep, officer.  Go right ahead and check”, Boardman nodded, smiling.

The Methodist, along with another who carried a black pump action assault rifle, walked to the back of the van, and pulled the door open.

Henrickson, the Codricius and Fleen handed over their papers.  The doughy man looked at the paperwork, and inspected each of their faces – lingering a little longer with Hana Codriciu, who batted her eyes and smiled.

He man nodded, handed back the papers, and shut the door.  ”Go ahead!”

Boardman pulled ahead, and drove to the service entrance, and down under the stadium – right past the Master Control trailer, Fleen noticed.

“OK, everyone”, Fleen said, pointing at the trailer.  ”That’ll be our target.  Remember where we go to get there”.

Boardman pulled into a parking spot, and the five started unloading trays of food onto two-wheeled carts.

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Trulbert, Part XXVII: Avengers Brunch

 - 4AM, November 7, 2015 – the Hendrickson Residence, Minneapolis, MN

The evening had started so well.

The rumor was right, Paul Hendrickson thought.  Imminent danger does get the libido cranked up. 

But that – the third “that”, anyway – was a few hours ago.  And now Hendrickson lay awake, staring out the window, not sleeping a bit.

It seemed like just this past summer, life had been so…normal.  Him a humdrum project manager at a mediocre services company; Lynn a bored teacher; both of them frazzled parents of teens and tweens.  Average.  Boring.

Hell, Hendrickson thought, it was last summer.  

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It Gets So Very, Very Old

It gets old, always, always, always repeating “if a conservative said this, the media would collectively crap a cinder block”.

But it’s always true.

But former NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg said something that would put him squarely in David Duke territory; emphasis added for the dense and dazed:

“It’s controversial, but first thing is all of your — 95 percent of your murders and murderers, and murder victims fit one M.O. You can just take the description, Xerox it, and pass it out to all of the cops. They are male, minorities, 15 to 25. That’s true in New York, it’s true in virtually every city in America,” Bloomberg is heard saying in the newly released audio.

And his prescription?  Well, it’s meant to sound a little more benevolent than something a Klansman would say, but spiritually it’s the same exact thing:

“That’s where the real crime is,” he added. “You’ve got to get the guns out of the hands of the people that are getting killed. First thing you can do to help that group is to keep them alive.”

“Keep them alive” – by disarming the victims.

Forget dog whistles; this piece is full of racist foghorns.

And it puts an exclamation point on the most important premise related to the gun control issue today; it is today, as it was in 1968, and 1866 and 1842, an instrument of keeping ethnic minorities disarmed, helpless and in “their place”.

Rarely as they as obliging as to say it in as many words, as Bloomberg is recorded saying (and the media is doing its best to scrub all mention of the tape’s existence); even Heather Martens is smarter than that (thus far).

Do the world a favor; make sure a black DFL voter hears this.

While Barack Obama Tries…

…his darnedest to turn the US into at third-world country, it’s at least a little reassuring to see that it goes both ways.  Almost alone among post-colonial African nations, Botswana chose free markets, representative democracy and a fair, equally-applied rule of law.

Hopefully Obama – and Governor Dayton – can learn something from them…

Ron Latz: Big Brother

Last week, Senator Ron “I went to Harvard – I bet you didn’t go to Harvard, did you?” Latz tabled Senator Petersen’s digital privacy bill, likely killing it for the rest of the session.

And yesterday?

For the third consecutive session, lawmakers have sparred over whether LPR “hits” on innocent people should be deleted immediately—what privacy advocates want, or kept for 90 days– what law enforcement wants.

This session, a 90-day retention bill sponsored by Sen Ron Latz, DFL-St. Louis Park, cleared the Senate Judiciary Committee, which he chairs, over protests from Sen. Branden Petersen, R-Andover, who authored a competing bill arguing for zero retention. While the committee opted not to move forward with Petersen’s bill, Latz’s bill headed to the Senate floor for a vote.

In other words, Sen. Ron “we are all created equal, but some of us are more equal than others” Latz, who also led last sessions push to create a paper trail on all firearms purchases, wants to keep a 90 day record of everywhere everyone has been in a car.

Let’s let that sink in for a little bit; the DFL jammed down legislation that puts the state in charge of all of your personal and health data; they tried their darndest to register the movement of every firearm in the state; they successfully defended one was electronic surveillance; and now, thanks to Sen. Latz, they will have a 90 day record of your travels.

NOD TO POLITICAL REALITY:  It’s entirely possible that Latz has submitted the “90 day retention” bill as  a sop to his police and prosecutor organization benefactors; that he referred it to the Transportation committee to so it gets tabled without Latz’s fingerprints on it; that he’s playing both sides.

I don’t care.

If Senator X submitted a bill calling for the sterilization of black males to fight crime, even at the behest of a big contributor, even knowing that his political maneuvering was going to see that it went nowhere, it’d still be a loathsome bill.

And so is this one.


SCENE:  Mitch BERG is waiting for new tires to be put on his car.   

Bill GUNKEL, former Republican who is now chairmain of the Inver Grove Heights chapter of “Former Republicans for Ron Paul”, walks in.

GUNKEL:  Boy, is the GOP in trouble!

BERG:  Huh.  Hey, Bill.  Why do you say that?

GUNKEL:  Because a GOP legislator in Montana proposed legislation to ban yoga pants in public!

BERG:  Wait – that proposal was unanimously tabled by the GOP-dominated committee to which it was introduced, without so much as a hearing.   They killed it.  Dead.

GUNKEL:  Yeah, but this is proof that the GOP is in huge trouble!BERG:  Er, OK.  Why is that?

GUNKEL:  Because a Republican introduced legislation banning yoga pants in public! They hate liberty!

BERG:  ”They” unceremoniously shot the bill down.  It’s dead. Gone.

GUNKEL:  Yeah, but this is proof that the GOP is in huge trouble!

BERG:  Right – you said that.  So given that the GOP also killed the bill, why do you say that?

GUNKEL:  Because a Republican introduced legislation banning yoga pants in public! They hate liberty!

BERG:  Look, the state of Montana is controlled by the GOP; the House of Representatives is 2:1 GOP.  Montana has very low taxes, in effect no speed limit, they’ve nullified both Obamacare and any unconstitutional federal gun laws, and they are in general a vastly freer state than most of the lower 48 – all under GOP control.  That’s as compared to Minnesota, which – believe it or not – all you Ronulans haven’t managed to turn into a Free State Project home base just yet.

GUNKEL:  Yeah, but pull your head out, sheeple; this is proof that the GOP is in huge trouble!

BERG:  Um, OK.  Why?

GUNKEL:  Because a Republican introduced legislation banning yoga pants in public! They hate liberty!

BERG:  Except the rest of the Montana Republicans took the bill OUT of contention.

GUNKEL:  Yeah, but this is proof that the GOP is in huge trouble!

BERG:  Don’t say “Because a Republican introduced legislation banning yoga pants in public! They hate liberty”.

GUNKEL:  Because a Republican introduced legislation banning yoga pants in public! They hate liberty!

Avery LIBRELLE walks into the lobby. 

BERG:  I never thought I’d say this, but Avery!  Thank goodness you’re here!


Who Has Two Thumbs…

… And predicted this two years ago?

Less than two years after Minnesota raised its cigarette tax to one of the highest in the country, cigarette smuggling has become a growing business in the state. Now officials want more money to combat the problem.

Minnesota Department of Revenue officials seized or assessed untaxed tobacco products in more than 40 percent of the 374 retail inspections conducted through the first three quarters of last year. Before the cigarette tax jumped $1.60 per pack, or 130 percent, retail inspections found untaxed tobacco products only 8 percent of the time. The agency typically conducts 700 inspections a year.

Why, as it happens, you read it here first.

Not that it takes a rocket scientist to figure this out. But it seems the DFL has banned rocket science.


Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

Technology to track citizens is a Good Thing because cops can find suspects (and also make some nice coin selling license plate data).

Technology to track cops is a Bad Thing because ordinary citizens can find speed traps (and thereby save some nice coin on speeding tickets).

Cops want dash-board cameras to film encounters with citizens, but don’t want citizens to film encounters with cops.

Cops should be allowed to use guns for self-defense, but citizens shouldn’t.

Cops are Government Agents; Government Agents analyze every problem as a power-struggle between Us and Them; and Government Agents always come to the same conclusion: heads they win, tails we lose. That’s one reason the Founders insisted on the right to keep and bear arms – so ordinary citizens could resist the enemies of freedom, foreign AND domestic.

Joe Doakes

And if our founding fathers had known about ubiquitous video and open source cryptography, then put those in the constitution, as well.

Trulbert! – Part XXVI: Darkness Before The Damned

 - 6AM, November 6, 2015 – The Hendrickson Residence, South Minneapolis, MN

“OK”, said Hendrickson, trying to sound more confident than he really felt.  ”So everyone’s got their job to do.  Me, Traian, Miss Hardman and Mr. Fleen The White will go to the Broadmans to learn about catering.  Charlie, Dan-Marius and Stefan will go looking for those crazy Scottish Presbyterians, wherever they are.  And Dave…”

He turned to Os.

“What is it you’re doing again?”

“I’m going to go find other anarcho-capitalists to convince them of the individual utility of joining in the struggle”.

“Right.  That.  We meet back here tonight and go over the final plan.  Everyone set?”

Everyone nodded – all of them also trying to look more self-assured than they felt.

Except for Dan-Marius Codriciu.  He felt pretty self-assured, to be honest. Continue reading

The Scarlet Drawing

Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

Lot of talk from Liberals after the Charlie Hebdo killings about Free Speech doesn’t mean Without Consequences, it only means the government can’t punish you for saying it.

Private groups can still bring social pressure to cost you your job, your elected office.

And maybe your life, because you asked for it by drawing offensive cartoons.

When it comes to subjects dear to Liberals hearts like sluts, welfare and Muslims, Liberals claim to abhor social shunning because it has a chilling effect on Constitutionally protected freedoms but they don’t, really, abhor shunning; they just want to change who wears the scarlet letter.

Joe Doakes

In many ways, they are the new Puritans.

A Limit Too Far

Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

Paul Mirengoff, writing at Powerline, says we need the government to spy on us now, more than ever.

He echoes Speaker of the House John Boehner’s reasoning that people don’t need to be secure in their persons, papers and effects: if they’re innocent, they have nothing to hide.

That whole Fourth Amendment thing was just a big mistake.

You can trust the government to spy on you responsibly.


Joe Doakes

Thats something some conservatives get terribly, terribly wrong.

Trulbert! Part XXV – Dandelion Tea

9:57PM, November 5, 2015 – the Hendrickson Residence, South Minneapolis, MN

Paul Hendrickson sat in the family room.  He was nursing a cough; he still felt chilled from his morning in the minivan.  He sipped a cup of acorn coffee – the houseful of guests had exhausted the family’s small stockpile of Caribou beans, and even old can of Folgers they’d overlooked in the back of the cupboard.

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Trulbert! Part XXIV – Immovable Objects

 - 5AM, November 5, 2015 – Highway 169, South Of Osseo, MN

Quist and his group of a dozen survivors of the massacre in Corcoran first fell upon a group of about twenty Methodists who were picking over whatever they’d left behind on the swathe of bloody rubble their raid had cut through Maple Grove. They’d stealthily surrounded the Methodists, and moved in for the kill.

It had been a slaughter.

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Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

The nation’s problems have been solved. They must be, if the Feds have nothing left to investigate besides painkiller use in the NFL to make sure million-dollar superstars aren’t taking drugs to help them win by playing while hurt.

I notice they didn’t investigate the Vikings. Nobody playing there, hurt or not.

Joe Doakes

It’s the fans that need the painkillers.

Trulbert! Part XXIII – Redemption’s Handmaiden

 - 10PM, November 3, 2015 – The Garage Behind The Hendrickson Residence, Minneapolis, MN


Hendrickson slowly got to his feet, shaking off the residue of the crippling anxiety attack.

“I know, Dad – don’t be stealing trucks.  I get that.  But from what Nicolai and Hana have been saying, if the Methodists have been taking all the beer, then if I learned anything from watching Boardwalk Empire, the beer is worth something…”

“But…”, Hendrickson searched for a follow-up thought.

“It was parked behind that school over on Minnehaha Parkway that the Methodists are using as a warehouse for stuff they’ve stolen.  Nobody was watching it.  I got away clean…”

“When did I let you watch Boardwalk Empire?”

Charlie didn’t have an answer for that.

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Creative Dissension

Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

It’s be wonderful if Minnesota would strengthen its Constitutional protection of gun owners, as other states have. I’ve pointed out for years that the level of scrutiny is the key to winning court cases.

As was noted in the comments, adding “and we really mean it” to the Constitution does nothing when the judges are routinely ignoring the law, and the legislature won’t pull their funding to bring them into line. That’s what we need in this state and this nation: a good old-fashioned constitutional crisis. The Congress and the Minnesota legislature need to shut things down. Stop funding the court and the Executive Branch until they come into line with the powers enumerated in the state and federal Constitutions. Yes, we’ll get ripped in the media, but we’re going to get that anyway so we might as well get something for it.

Won’t happen with compromisers like Mitch McConnell in charge, of course; but if we can keep sending Tea Partiers, maybe someday . . . .

Joe Doakes

The hope is what keeps me in the GOP.

Open Letter To The New GOP Majorities

To:  New GOP Majorities in the MN House and US Congress
From: Mitch Berg, Uppity Peasant
Re:  Agenda


Want something to show you’re serious about getting the boot of government off of innocent citizens’ necks? 

Reform civil-forfeiture laws.  Now. 

Including, preferably, eradicating laws that allow corrupt pettifoggers to run rackets with the blessing of “the law”. 

Do it now, so we can see who the real enemies are. 

That is all.