To: The Democrat Party
From: Mitch Berg, Uppity Peasant
Re: Campaign 2016
We’re heading toward a presidential election.
You’re facing a field with a highly-accomplished woman, two Latinos, a black man, two very accomplished surgeons, two CEOs, a couple of Horatio Alger stories, a former Solicitor-General of the United States (that means “a really, really smart lawyer”), a former federal prosecutor who beat the Mob like a bongo drum, and a couple of governors who’ve actually accomplished great things (albeit one fewer than I’d have liked, all things considered).
You’ve got a governor who enthusiastically led a failed state, a career senator who’s famous for his malaprops, a retreaded hippie who would run the economy on unicorn farts, and a “feminist icon” who is where she is precisely because she married an up-and-comer, no different than any other Mad Men-era Scarsdale housewife, and has spent the past 40-odd years enabling him no less than the most abjectly-subjugated burqua-clad Pakistani second wife.
This is the paragraph where I normally throw in the punch line. But I really don’t need one, do I?
That is all.