SCENE: Mitch BERG is shopping for a generator at Menard’s. As he pores over the spec sheet, Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK steps around the corner.
BIRKENSTOCK: Merg! The “christian” college, “Liberty University”, is building a gun violence range for its students.
BERG: It’s a gun range. And so what?
BIRKENSTOCK: It’s weird.
BERG: Hardly. It’s a conservative institution. Many of its students are shooters. The campus 2nd Amendment group is large and active, and shootings sports are popular among students. It’s not unreasonable to assume that a shooting-sports-friendly campus is going to be a draw for students who are, like most Liberty students, to the right of center.
BIRKENSTOCK: But guns on campus! Isn’t that just kind of weird? Shouldn’t school be a place of non-violence?
BERG: Non-violence? You mean like “gun-free” Virginia Tech?
BERG: Where a gunman killed 32 students and faculty?
BIRKENSTOCK: Don’t confuse me with irrelevant details.
BERG: Er, right. So – why should Liberty not provide that facility, if it’s an obvious marketing spiff for them?
BIRKENSTOCK: There should be no guns at places of higher learning.
BERG: Question for you, Moonbeam: should colleges teach abstinence only sex education?
BIRKENSTOCK: Good heavens, no. That never works!
BERG: Because people naturally gravitate toward things they enjoy?
BERG: So abstinence only education can not work when it comes to sex, but is the only acceptable solution when it comes to guns?
BIRKENSTOCK: Why do you hate women and minorities?