(SCENE: Mitch BERG is walking his dog down Grand Avenue in Saint Paul. He’s walking past an organic car repair shop when Avery LIBRELLE walks out, almost bumping into BERG).
LIBRELLE: Merg! Hah! I woke up this morning thinking “Merg must be feeling sad today! Obamacare is a huge success!”
BERG: Well, it’s not really…
LIBRELLE: Which bums you out more, Merg – that more people weren’t insured, or that less weren’t?
BERG: Well, I’m just trying to figure out what all the happiness is about.
LIBRELLE: Seven million subscribers!
BERG: Let’s assume the Administration is giving real numbers. That’s seven milion people who’ve signed up. Not seven million paid, issued policies. But if you put it up against the five million people wholosttheir coverage over the past year, that means we’re up a net two million – assuming they all actually pay their premiums, which all of them will not.
LIBRELLE: You’re just jealous that no Republican healthcare plan gets people lining up for it!
BERG: Wait – you say that’s a good thing!
LIBRELLE: When people line up to buy something, that means it’s popular. Like an iPhone!
BERG: If that analogy held up – if Obamacare is extremely popular – then they’d have been waiting in line last October, when the plans first hit the market. This is like people waiting in line to buy iPhone 3s before they go out of production.
LIBRELLE: That’s stupid! Nobody would do that!
BERG: Unless it was your only shot at getting a phone, and you were going to wind up without a phone if you waited another day. The “lines” had less in common with these…:
…and much more in common with these…:
People trying to get something before an onerous deadline makes it impossible.
LIBRELLE: Wow. You’re a real debbie downer.
BERG: As always, I’m a realist. The Administration is trying to put lipstick on a dead pig in time to save the Democrats in time for the mid-terms.
LIBRELLE: Hey – you used the word Democrat! You hate women and their children!