Perhaps I’m not prominent enough a conservative for anyone to bother with censoring, but I haven’t been affected yet; my Facebook account remains untouched, my Twitter account (which I don’t use for much, as I hate Twitter with an abiding fury) hasn’t gotten messed with (other than continued stalking by a dissociative old duffer, which isn’t “Censorship” so much as “low comedy”), and generally things are OK.

Knock wood. know people like me are getting more and more rare in the world of conservative social media.


Joe Doakes from Como Park emails

This congressman is correct that the second amendment exists so the people can resist a tyrant. Whether trump is such a tyrant is not the point, he’s correct about the purpose of the amendment.
So why’s he a gun control advocate? What, the people will rise up and take back the country with their .38 revolvers?
If he really meant the resist tyranny comment, then he ought to be pushing to repeal the 1934 machine gun ban. Let ordinary citizens equip themselves with the same weapons as the military and let’s see how arrogant the deep state bureaucrats are.
Hey, don’t the Swiss have something like that? Everybody serves, everybody takes their service weapon home when they muster out.
Somebody ought to call him on it. Big signs: “How can we resist Tyrant Trump if you take our guns?” at every rally from now until he loses in November.
Joe Doakes

The Democrats aren’t any more serious about “Resisting Tyranny” (after they get a majority) than they are about equality.

Some Students Rights Are More Equal Than Others

New Prague student who joined the nationally-coordinated, Bloomberg-funded, District-supported “spontaneous walkout” over “gun violence” with a pro-2nd-Amendment sign…

…oh, do I even need to finish the sentence?

“I came out here with a poster trying to make a difference,” said Andy Dalsin, a senior.

Dalsin said principal Lonnie Seifert told him to give up a sign that read “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people” or leave the property, citing district policy.

“I stood in the back,” he said. “I didn’t try and cause a ruckus, but I was seen by the principal and he came and we had our exchange.”

The district said in a statement that “such items must be submitted to and reviewed by school administration at least 24 hours in advance.”

The whole sham “youth protest” is part of a narrative to push the perception that yoots are anti-gun in he first place.

It was never about “free speech”. It’s about conquering the culture.

UPDATE:  Should you ever bet against the depravity of Big Left’s minions?  No, you should not.

UPDATE 2:  Should you really assume any of them know the issue well enough that policy-makers – or people serious about policy in area – should take them seriously?    Again – no, you should not.

UPDATE 3;  And if you are one of the packs of students that beclowns themselves  with thuggery and violence, they’ll let you do it again to get a better photo op.

UPDATE 4:  According to reliable sources, New Prague public schools have taken down their Facebook page, and the principal is unavailable until late next week for any comment on the subject.

UPDATE 5: Failure to exercise free speech as directed will not be tolerated.

Orwell Was A Pollyanna

Progs at Evergreen State (but I repeat myself) equate science and white supremacy:

Earlier this week, some graffiti was spotted on campus that sought to couterpose intersectionality and the sciences, equating the latter with white supremacy. Facilities staff have completed the chore of cleaning up the graffiti.

Bret Weinstein – the former ESU bio prof who became a national symbol for the intolerant left, had a riposte:


Remember this Berg’s Seventh Law violation next time some liberal bobblehead coos that the left is the party of science.

It’s The Cultural Civil War, And We’re At The Battle Of Fredericksburg

Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

College Liberals credited with reaching out, attempting to provide safe space, tolerance.

Two thoughts:
First, the lack of outspoken conservatives on campus is not new.  When I was in college in 1980, the trend had already begun.  I knew of only four of us: me supporting Reagan, Dan (George Bush, Senior), David (Phil Crane) and Matt (uncommitted).  There may have been more who voted Republican but they were quiet about it.
Second, if you smack a puppy on the nose enough times, it will learn not to bark.  Young Conservative get smacked on the nose by social studies teachers in high school.  They get smacked in college classes by leftist professors.  They see others getting smacked online, fired for speaking at work (the Google guy), business destroyed (wedding cake baker), physically attacked and beaten (conservative speakers on campus). The lesson is clear – Liberals do not respect me or my rights, they tolerate me only so long as I don’t upset them.  Say one little thing they don’t like and boom, the mob will turn on me in a flash and blame me for provoking them.  “See what you made me do” isn’t an excuse reserved solely for rednecks in wife-beater shirts, it’s also used by Muslim terrorists and FBI Deep Staters and antifa rioters.
If a college kid joined up at one of these sessions but later found his car keyed “fascist” would it be a surprise?  No, because he outed himself, painted a target on himself, brought it on himself.  He deserved it.
The only way to increase intellectual diversity on campus is to punish those who act to diminish it.  And that’s never going to happen as long as Liberals run the schools.
Joe Doakes

A safe space “provided” by campus “progressives?”

It’s a trap.

Perish The Thought

Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

It is disheartening to see so-called Liberals calling to disband and outlaw the National Rifle Association.

The North American Man-Boy Love Association is allowed to exist, despite being an explicitly pedophile lobby group. The Ku Klux Klan is allowed to exist, despite being an explicitly white supremacist Lobby group. The Catholic church is allowed to exist, despite being firmly against homosexual marriage. But the NRA – the nation’s oldest civil rights organization – is beyond the pale.

It’s almost as if Liberals today never heard of freedom of speech, don’t believe it should exist, and have no commitment to intellectual diversity or fundamental constitutional values, they simply want power over the rest of us.

Oh, wait, never mind.

Joe Doakes

“Almost” as if they’ve never heard of freedom of speech.

If i didn’t know better, I’d say Joe was turning into a pollyanna.

An Inconvenient Bill

SCENE:  Mitch BERG is salting his sidewalk.   Absorbed in achieving a proper dispersion pattern, he doesn’t notice Avery LIBRELLE, walking up behind.  


BERG:   (Turns, mild suprrise followed by disappoinment).  Oh, hey, Avery.

LIBRELLE:  Gun owners are stupid.

BERG”  Naturally.   Why this time?

LIBRELLE:  They think someone is coming (BERG reaches into his inside coat pocket) for their (BERG hands a trifolded piece of paper to LIBRELLE) guns….

LIBRELLE starts reading LInda Slocum’s House File 1322, which calls for sweeping confiscations of guns and the systematic extermination of the right of privacy.  As LIBRELLE falls silent, LIBRELLE’s jaw keeps slowly flapping, like a beached fish, bill in hand.  

BERG:  Careful when you start walking agian.  Neighbor’s sidewalk’s pretty icy.

BERG goes inside, hauling shovel and remaining salt.   LIBRELLE stands, ,jaw flapping impotently, as camera fades to black. 

And SCENE.  

Time To Turn Out

DFL Rep.  Dave PInto abused a House rule to get Linda Slocum’s “Give Up Your Guns” Act to a publc hearing.

The hearing is tomorrow morning at the State Office Building, kitty-corner southwest of the Capitol.

The Dreamsicles are going to try to pack the chamber – and given the money they spend on profesisonal organization, they’ll make a good run at it.

The good guys have to beat the Orcs.   While the bill likely isn’t going anywhere (not this session, anyway), it is out there to froth up the Metro DFL base for an election where they’ve got some challenges.  The optics of having a GOP-controlled Public Safety Commttee faciong a roomful of ELCA-haired duffers and hissing hipsters and Edina yentas in orange would be propaganda gold come election time.

So it’s time for Real Americans to come out.

MNGOC has the details here:

Thursday at 10:15 AM – 12:45 PM
100 Rev Dr Martin Luther King Jr Blvd, St Paul, MN 55155-1200, United States

Come down as early as you can – 8AM isn’t out of line, earlier is better.  Of course it’s short notice; I’m 50-50 at best, myself, and that’s if things go well today.

But every warm body we can get into a seat in that chamber – hopefully wearing one of the classic GOCRA or new Gun Owners Caucus t-shirts – will be a win over Michael Bloomberg’s propaganda machine.

This won’t be the last time we’ll have to try to turn out the troops – but it’s an important one.

Please give it  your best shot.

Our Slimy Overlords

Mark my words:  Any police official who refers to citizens as “sheep” (and, perforce, to police as “Sheepdogs” or “Lions”) needs to be escorted from public life, sans badge, gun, and power, with extreme prejudice.

Like Broward County sheriff Scott Israel – whose office didn’t have time to investigate nearly forty contacts with Nikolas Cruz, but has had time to act like…

…well, a Democrat pol in office:

Israel had been a Republican but ran for office as a Democrat. He was first elected sheriff in 2012, then re-elected in 2016. According to the Sun Sentinel:

The outreach workers, who mainly attend community events, are in addition to political activists and others Israel hired into community affairs roles, writing and designing printed pieces about the agency, and sharing it on social media. The employee log shows six hired into community affairs roles, their salaries totaling $388,729.

Israel’s opponents say he’s built a publicly funded political machine, paying back supporters with jobs and using them to keep him in office. They say the money could be better spent, particularly after the sheriff complained about not having enough funding to secure the county courthouse, where a murder suspect recently escaped.

Sound like the priorities in a city rhyming with “Every schmiberal city in the schmunited shmates” to anyone but me?

Oh, yeah – and this next bit?

Asked about the allegations, Israel responded, “What have I done differently than Don Shula or Abraham Lincoln or Martin Luther King, Ghandi?”

He also said, “Lions don’t care about the opinions of sheep.” That’s a paraphrase of a quote from the Game of Thrones character Tywin Lannister, a villainous public administrator known for promoting his family’s interests ahead of the government’s or the people’s.


That’s what he thinks of citizens.  Not unlike way too many cops.

It’s time for some changes in Broward County.


“Aliza Worthington” describes herself as “Brooklyn-bred, Baltimore by choice, music snob, history nerd, family-obsessed, friend-dependent, amateur glassblower, passable dancer, & since age 40, a writer”

She may have had a point until she hit that last clause.

Ms. Worthington – a honky – writes a piece in the ever-more-loathsome “Medium” entitled “Black Panther” Is Not For Us, White People“.

I’m gonna stop just short of telling white people NOT to see it. To be clear, I hope this movie makes A BAZILLION GAFLILLION SCHMATRILLION dollars opening weekend, and wins every single award possible. Speaking to my fellow white people, though, can we please consider letting Black people have this joy without us ruining it for them with our presence?

We have ruined, and continue to ruin so much for Black folx.[That’s right. Folx.  She is that dumb – Ed] Yes, often just by inserting ourselves where they are rightfully trying to enjoy their greatness in peace, and without our white nonsense.

Ms. Worthington:   do black “folx” (#VomitInMouth) need your help defending their culture?

I’m sure they’ll rise as one and offer their “thanx”.

Or, if you get tickets, and you notice it’s sold out, and some Black folx are outside bummed they weren’t able to get tickets, give your tickets to them and go to Applebee’s instead.

How very, very twee.

It just has to be tough, being both a honky and ˆ”authentic”.   Well done.

Ms. Worthington:  I’m going to exercise that greatest “white privilege” (I choose to call it “freedom”, and invite everyone of all races to partake in it) and go wherever I damn well want, do what I want, and mock your appropriation of the voice of American blacks.  They don’t need your help.

This is Modern “Feminism”

Former state representative Phyllis Kahn, commenting on Minnesota public radio’s upcoming pledge week:

I, myself, have chosen to remember how Garrison Keillor treated…

… Well, everybody. By all accounts, Keillor was obsequious to those he saw as his “superiors” – presidents, governors (provided they were Democrats) and stars – mildly ingratiating to peers who, in his opinion, could help him, and rude, dismissive and arrogant to those he saw as “below” him. And the legends about him as an employer should follow him into the next life, if there is cosmic justice.

It’s not hard to imagine that Phyllis Kahn believes there is one set of rules for everyone else, and one for the likes of her and Garrison Keillor; she’s the one that used her political clout to Jimmy the Minneapolis city code to ptrvent De La Salle high school from putting up lights at it’s football stadium – to avoid harsh and her nighttime mellow.


Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

The IRS has apologized for treating Conservative groups differently from Liberal groups.

It’s not enough.  The IRS under the Obama Administration intentionally engaged in viewpoint discrimination based on political affiliation.  That’s the most fundamental of all First Amendment violations, and it was done by agents of the government while performing their official duties.  That’s a violation of 42 United States Code 1983 and entitles the aggrieved person to damages plus attorney’s fees for bringing the action.

Who’s the aggrieved person?  Mitt Romney in specific and the nation in general.  What are the damages?  Trillions.

Campaign Finance law says an individual can only donate so much to a political campaign but a non-profit corporation set up to “educate” the public can spend more and, if the corporation qualifies under Section 501(c)3 of the tax code, donations are tax-deductible although the corporation’s activities must be limited to retain the deduction.   Set up a dozen such corporations, raise millions of dollars, spend it on advertising to “educate” the public and thereby influence the voters.

When the IRS subjected Conservative groups to more rigorous scrutiny than Liberal groups before awarding 501(c)3 status, the IRS deprived Conservative groups of a meaningful opportunity to raise funds to get out their message, to educate the public on their side of the issues, to inform the voters of the Conservative alternative.  It deprived Conservatives of political speech at the most crucial time – right before the election.  This is banana-republic voter suppression and Obama’s IRS completely got away with it.  Nobody was fired.  Nobody was jailed.  Nobody cares.

Pretend the IRS had done it to groups organized by Blacks, or Muslims, and imagine the outrage.  An apology years later, from a different administration, wouldn’t be good enough for them.  It’s not good enough for me.

Joe Doakes

The only groups the Feds have been more dilatory about apologizing to have been slaves and Indians.

Which should tell you something.

Mom Knows Best

Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

When kids grew in the 1960’s, Mom ran the household.  She decided when you had to get up, whether you had to make your bed, what kind of shampoo you used in the shower, what was cooked for meals, what clothes you wore, how much makeup you could wear, how long you could grow your hair . . . and as a kid, you were expected to shut up and do it.

Mom was the adult and you were just a kid, therefore she knew better than you and whatever she decided was for your own good, whether you understood it or not. You never got to make any of your own decisions.  At best, you might get an allowance but even then, your entertainment choices were regulated.

Same thing at school.  Class subjects, length of class, rules of behavior, what to eat, what to wear . . . all determined by your “betters” on your behalf.

Living under Liberalism is like being a permanent 12 year old.  I resented it then, and I resent it now.

Joe Doakes

Years ago – when I was still sorting out the details of my political worldview – a very left-of-center acquaintance described society as “like a big family – with mom and dad watching out for the kids”.

And then I realized – while I had some problems with some conservatives, I could never, ever be a “progressive”.

The Hollers Of Fresno

The most impoverished state in the union?  Gotta be West Virginia, or Mississippi.  Maybe Alabama or Arkansas. .


Wrong.  It’s California.  On the way to spending itself into the poorhouse, California has helped create a huge impoverished underclass untouched by the glitz of Hollywood and the sheen of Silicon Valley.

And the story should sound familiar to anyone from Minneapolis or Saint Paul:

Apparently content with futile poverty policies, Sacramento lawmakers can turn their attention to what historian Victor Davis Hanson aptly describes as a fixation on “remaking the world.” The political class wants to build a costly and needless high-speed rail system; talks of secession from a United States presided over by Donald Trump; hired former attorney general Eric H. Holder Jr. to “resist” Trump’s agenda; enacted the first state-level cap-and-trade regime; established California as a “sanctuary state” for illegal immigrants; banned plastic bags, threatening the jobs of thousands of workers involved in their manufacture; and is consumed by its dedication to “California values.” All this only reinforces the rest of America’s perception of an out-of-touch Left Coast, to the disservice of millions of Californians whose values are more traditional, including many of the state’s poor residents.

With a permanent majority in the state Senate and the Assembly, a prolonged dominance in the executive branch and a weak opposition, California Democrats have long been free to indulge blue-state ideology while paying little or no political price. The state’s poverty problem is unlikely to improve while policymakers remain unwilling to unleash the engines of economic prosperity that drove California to its golden years.

When you have uncontested one party rule upheld by legions of voters dependent on the gravy train, you can get away with keeping those legions in the dumps while you virtue-signal your merry way toward your pension.


“It Takes An Elite Education To Be This Stupid”

Failed former Minneapolis mayor Betsy Hodges has left the US, dodging the opprobrium from progressives outraged over what her mismanagement of Minneapolis did not only to the city, but to the reputation of American progressivism.

“It’s not completely justice, but it’s a start” said Ramona Beel-Zebab, spokeswoman for The Association Of Progressive Associations”.

When last heard Hodges … was… was…

Oh, I can’t keep a straight face.

No, Betsy Hodges isn’t running from her legacy.  And good heavens, no, progs aren’t gut-checking their movement over the misery it’s caused.

No, they’re making it part of the next generation’s playbook:

The Harvard Institute of Politics announced Betsy Hodges will be among its 2018 resident fellows.

Her study group will focus on racial equality, policing and local governance.

Some of you may be asking – which half of this post is the parody?

Betsy Hodges on Racial Equality?

Betsy Hodges on Policing?

Progressivism is about making poverty, racial division and inequity permanent bloody shirts to wave in society’s face.

Being Evil

Last year, Google’s collective (heh) culture of Urban Progressive Privilege-sotted virtue-signaling intolerance fell onto Google engineer James Damore for the high crime of out that Google, ironically, has a relentlessly PC, virtue-signaling-focused corporate culture.  Damore was summarily fired.

This past week, Damore and his team  filed their lawsuit

Damore has now answered Google with a legal broadside, and it’s extraordinary. Most people don’t have time to read his entire 181-page complaint, but those who do will find a comprehensive argument that Google’s corporate culture encourages, sanctions, and facilitates an extraordinary amount of abuse against conservative white males.

Artists Conception of a Google staff meeting:


And he has the receipts. Much of the complaint consists of screen shots of internal Google communications and postings on internal Google message boards that would constitute strong evidence of hostile-environment race-and-gender harassment if the the races and genders were reversed. For example, “Googlers” (that’s what employees call themselves, using Google’s silly corporate language) relentlessly enforce a so-called “Googley” culture where employees blacklist conservatives (blocking them from in-house communications), actually boo white-male hires, and openly discuss committing acts of violence against political opponents. The “punch a Nazi” debate is alive and well at Google, and the definition of “Nazi” is extraordinarily broad. In one posting, an employee proposes a “moratorium on hiring white cis heterosexual abled men who aren’t abuse survivors.” In another, an employee advertises a workshop on “healing from toxic whiteness.” Another post mocks “white fragility.” The examples go on and on, for page after page. Damore also alleges (and again, provides screenshots of emails and other communications to support his claims) that managers actively attacked conservative employees, encouraged punitive actions against dissenters, and even awarded “peer bonuses” for speech attacking conservatives.

Google is a private business?  Sure – they’ve got every right to run things any way they want.   But we’ve seen what mindless monocultures have brought to most of our major cities; what do you think it’ll do to a company?

Googlers may have special coding skills or may fit seamlessly in the company’s Googley culture, but it’s now plain that much of their discourse represents a special kind of pettiness, stupidity, and intolerance. It’s often fact-free, insulting, and narrow-minded. In other words, a Silicon Valley monoculture produces exactly the kind of discourse produced by monocultures everywhere. While there are certainly kind, courteous, and civil progressives at Google, the existence of the monoculture also enables the worst sorts of behavior.

Read the whole thing.

A Sign You’ve Solved All The Serious Crises

Dogs at Los Angeles’ animal shelters may  be going vegan:

The idea was proposed by Commissioner Roger Wolfson, a Hollywood screenwriter who cited research that he contended shows vegan diets “eliminate” many health problems in dogs, which are omnivores. But he said rethinking the dogs’ meals is about far more sweeping matters — the environmental effect of a meat industry that produces the main ingredients in lots of dog food and the ethics of feeding animals to animals.

“We have to embrace the fact that the raising and killing of animals for food purposes must only be done if we have absolutely no other choice,” Wolfson said at the meeting, according to a recording published on a county website. “This is about the long-term survival of every man, woman and child in this room, and all of the people in our lives.”

While “progressives” are all about “science” when it comes to smooching Bill Nye’s hindquarters or browbeating fundamentalists, it’d seem they’re swimming against the scientific current here…:

The city’s chief veterinarian, Jeremy Prupas, was not convinced. In a report to the commission, he recommended rejecting the proposal, saying that it could deprive dogs of sufficient protein, calcium and phosphorus and that it could be inadequate for injured, pregnant or lactating pups. Prupas said he’d consulted three clinical nutritionists at veterinary medical schools, one shelter medicine specialist and a veterinary toxicologist who works with a pet food company. None endorsed vegan dog diets, he testified.

Oh, yeah – and vegan dog food, not unlike vegan human food, costs four times as much as the regular stuff.

Which is all fine, if you’re just playing “government dress-up” with other peoples’ money.

Which is another way of saying “California”.

Although if it passes in LA, look for Alondra Cano to propose it in short order in Minneapolis.

Boca Chica And The DFL’s Intellectual And Political Cleansing

Boca Chica, on Saint Paul’s West Side, has been a neighborhood fixture for at least five decades and counting.

I’ve been there many times; I’ve taken my family there more times than I can possibly remember. It’s a pillar of the West Side community, and it knows it:

Boca Chica was named by my father, Guillermo, after a small town on the Gulf of Mexico where he spent many memorable times. “Boca Chica”, translated, means “little mouth of the river”. Today, Boca Chica has grown substantially and is rated “one of the best Mexican restaurants in the Twin Cities,” according to the Minneapolis-St. Paul Magazine’s March 2006 issue.

At Boca Chica Mexican Restaurante, we have a desire to contribute to our community’s cultural heritage by preserving in our beautiful painted murals the history and the essence of the Mexican people. These murals, painted by Rigel from Merida Yucatan, cover the walls in all three of our dining rooms. You can relax and enjoy comfortable dining in the Aztec room, the El Grito room, or the El Cortijo room.

I’ve also attended GOP political events there.

No more.  The Fourth District GOP was planning an event on January 10, a week from tonight, at Boca Chica.  According to the chair of the CD4 GOP, no more:

Yesterday I received notification from the Boca Chica Restaurant that they cancelled our Turn Minnesota Red CD 4 2018 Kick Off Event, which was scheduled for Jan. 10, 2018. Needless to say, I was upset. Apparently the Boca Chica Restaurant does not want to have Republican groups or organizations to have events at their restaurant. As Chairman of CD 4, CD 4 will not attempt to set any more events at the Boca Chica Restaurant.

The restaurant explained to a GOP figure of latino descent from the neighborhood that the restaurant had been the subject of “social media pressure” – although a quick investigation shows no facebook or twitter posts with Boca Chica and any GOP organizations.

My suspicion:  it’s DFLers from the neighborhood, carrying out “intellectual and political cleansing”.  They want to drive the GOP underground in places they control, figuratively and, perhaps, literally.

This is life in Democrat country.

Perhaps if we asked them to bake us a wedding cake?

Car Neutrality

SCENE:  Dayton, Ohio – 1904.  A group of protesters – young activists from Snofe Lakes, California – chant slogans in front of the Leach and Bitwell Auto Company; “Keep The Roads Democratic!”, “What do we want?  Road Neutrality.  When do we want it?  Now!” and “Cars are a Public Utility”.   After a few moments, Arthur LIBRELLE climbs up on the soapbox.  

LIBRELLE:  What we seek is highway neutrality.   We demand that the government treat cars and roads as the public utility they truly are.   That way, in thirty years, your children will be able to buy a car like this (LIBRELLE points to a 1904  Leach and Bitwell roadster – a two seater with a hand-crank starter that is basically a glorified go-kart with a two cylinder engine and a couple of chairs which lists at $5,000 – which is about $200,000 2017 dollars) – and their children, and their children’s children, as long as California is the capitol fo the horseless carriage industry.  Nobody will be able, using just more money, to buy a better car!

(Hezekiah MERG chimes in):  But if you treat the budding auto industry like a utility, there’ll be no impetus for someone like, say, Henry Ford or Louis Chevrolet, to respond to the market demand and build a cars that, before long, will be every big as good as the specimen you see here, for  a fraction of the price.

LIBRELLE:  (Scoffing as the young people from Snofe Lakes laugh uproariously)  Oh, it is to laugh!  The idea that people from Detroit will ever build cars, or that technology will ever surpass what we see in front of us!   No, indeed; let us regulate cars and roads like utilities, that they may ever be as successful as the crown jewel of Los Angeles’s transportation system, our streetcars!

(The crowd erupts)_.

Cell Neutrality

SCENE:  Walll Street, – 1983.  A group of protesters – young activists from Slough Fnakes, Vermont – chant slogans in front of the Motorola headquasrters building, wielding protest signs; “Keep Cell Phones Democratic!”, “What do we want?  Cell Neutrality.  When do we want it?  Now!” and “Car Phones are a Public Utility”.   After a few moments, Ashton LIBRELLE climbs up on the soapbox.  

LIBRELLE:  What we seek is car phone neutrality.   We demand that the government treat car phones and suitcase phones as the public utility they truly are.   That way, in thirty years, your children will be able to buy a mobile phone like this (LIBRELLE holds up a 1984 Motoirola cell phone – the size of at World War II walkie talkie, that cost $10,000 in 2017 dollars plus $1,000 a month and $4 a minute for talk times) – and their children, and their children’s children, as long as Motorola remains unchallenged atop the car phone industry.  Nobody will be able, using just more money, to buy a better phone!

(Hank MERG chimes in):  But if you treat the budding cellular communiations industry like a utility, there’ll be no impetus for someone like, say, Steve Jobs or Victor Droid, to respond to the market demand and build device that, before long, will not only do everything the phone your holding does thousands of times better, but do it for about one percent of the inllation adjusted cost.  Indeed, in 24 years, I predict that non-profits will be giving away phones that are millions of times more powerful per dollar, and criminals will buy them to use once and throw away!.

LIBRELLE:  (Scoffing as the young people fromSlough Fnakes laugh uproariously)  Oh, it is to laugh!  The idea that phones will be a commodity, like Pet Rocks, or that technology will ever surpass what we see in front of us!   No, indeed; let us regulate car and suitcase phones like utilities, that they may ever be as successful as the public education system!

(The crowd erupts)_.

On The One Hand…

…the bureaucracy – any bureaucracy – runs by rules of its own.  Those rules usually have  more to do with sustaining bureaucracy itself than to solving whatever problem or administering whatever service that bureaucracy is supposed to be doing.

On the other?  Read past the bureaucratese in this report and it appears that the Minneapolis Police Department has been shaving a lot of corners on psychological testing of its new recruits.

Does this have anything to do with, among other things, the Damond shooting?  Bureaucratic checkbox-checkers running amok?

Maybe a little bit of both?

Ripped From The Fictional Headlines

Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

Scene:  a cluttered office, a fat, balding man chewing a cigar, reading a script and scowling at it.  A young man steps into the doorway and raps on the door, three times, quickly.

Writer:  Boss, I’ve got a great idea for a new show.  It’s a political thriller, got action, intrigue, it’s great.

Boss:  Yeah?  Siddown and lay it out for me.

Boss tosses the script he was reading onto his desk and leans back in his chair, studying the young man.  Young man sits down, butt on the edge of the seat, and leans forward, speaking eagerly

Writer:  okay, there’s the guy, see?  And he works for the FBI.  He’s a true patriot, he hates the way the country is going and he wants to help a good candidate get elected.  He makes a donation like everybody in the office, but he wants to do more.  All the sudden, he finds himself assigned to investigate his favorite candidate for breaking the law.  But he doesn’t want to do it, see?  But he has to, see?  So there’s dramatic tension.

Boss: yeah, but the law is the law.  What’s he gonna do?

Writer:  that’s the cool part.  He interviews the candidate but he “forgets” to put her under oath.  So none of her answers can be used against her, right?  And there’s a suspicious death tied to the charges but he knows this candidate has a long trail of suspicious deaths and shady dealings so he’s afraid she might be involved with this one, too.  So he doesn’t want to investigate that, see?  But he’s torn about it, see, because maybe she really is as crooked as the rest of them.  But maybe she’s not, and besides, her opponent is a real jerk.  So he calls the death a “robbery gone bad” and when his boss is going to make a press announcement saying the candidate broke the law, our guy changes it to say she did NOT break the law.

Boss: wait, why wouldn’t the boss notice the change?

Writer:  the boss isn’t a cop, he’s a political hack, a time-serving moron.  So he goes along with the charade and the candidate gets away with the crime and stays in the election.

Boss: okay, weak, but we can work with it.

Writer: wait, it gets better!  His candidate loses the election.

Boss: what the hell?  How’s that help?  The show’s over.

Writer: no, no, it’s just getting started.  The candidate was supposed to win, see?  All the polls said so. All the experts said so.  She was so far ahead, she didn’t even campaign the last week, the election was in the bag.  She booked a hall and ordered fireworks and had her victory speech written and when she lost, it was stunning.  The talking heads on tv were stunned.  The losing candidate was drunk two days, couldn’t give a concession speech.  Total disaster.  And meanwhile, the smug jerk who won the election is all over Twitter rubbing it in, offering her five cents on the dollar for the fireworks she doesn’t need anymore.

Boss: yeah, so?  Sounds like a depressing show.  Nobody wants to watch that.

Writer:  Yeah, yeah, but our guy, remember him?  He’s in the FBI.  They see all kinds of wacko stuff, all kinds of nuts and goofballs with conspiracy theories.  So he’s devastated that his gal lost and the jerk won and he’s sitting at his desk moping when he glances at this file on his desk.  Some kook claims the jerk was in cahoots with the Russians to help him steal the election and he stayed in a Russian hotel where a team of hookers gave him a golden shower right on the hotel bed.

Boss: whoa, whoa, we can’t put that stuff on television.  Not in prime time.

Writer: okay, so maybe we don’t show it on screen

Boss: but maybe a special episode on cable?  Pay per view?  Hmmmm.

Writer: yeah, yeah!  Like that.  And anyway, so our guy, he sees this folder and he knows it’s bullshit but he thinks “If only the public knew what a jerk that guy is.”  Just then his boss walks by and says “I’m headed to brief the President-Elect, anything new I should know?” And all the sudden, on impulse, our guy hands his boss the folder and says “You might want to warn him this stuff is going around, so he doesn’t get blind-sided.”  The boss, being a dope, doesn’t realize it’s a set-up, he thinks our guy is being all noble and professional, so the boss goes right along.  But one of the long-term staff people in the President’s briefing sees the dossier is political dynamite and leaks it to his buddies in the press.  Ka-boom, huge political outrage, our guy’s losing candidate gets cheered up, the president-elect looks like an idiot, our guy is grinning like crazy.

Boss: and then?

Writer:  and then things get interesting.  The losing candidate’s political party seizes on the Russian Collusion angle and demands an investigation.  The new Attorney General is a another political appointee, not used to how the game is played in the bureaucracy, so he recuses himself.

Boss: excuses himself?

Writer: no, recuses.  He steps aside and lets the long-term staffers handle it.  And they all hate the new President.  So the staffers convince the new President the only way to clear his name is to appoint a special investigator.  And they recommend their old boss, who they assure him is a straight shooter, which he is – straight in your back.  But the new President doesn’t know that, see, so the new President goes along with it.

Boss: inside baseball.  boring.

Writer: no, wait!  The special investigator hates the new President, too.  And he hires a team of assistants to help him, all of them hate the new President.  And here’s the best part – he decides that for his top assistant on the team, he needs the guy who knows the most about the collusion.  He needs the guy who discovered the folder.  He needs OUR GUY!  Our guy is now the top assistant on the team investigating the new President.

Boss:  okay, more interesting.  Keep going

Writer:  so our guy is only part of the investigation, he can’t go after the President directly.  But he remembers that during the campaign, his team used a little “creative phrasing” to convince a judge to let them wiretap some people in the jerk’s campaign.  And one of those people is now the new President’s aide.  Our guy drops by the aide’s office to chat and just happens to ask some questions about one of the wiretapped conversations.  He doesn’t tell the aide he’s under investigation, the aide doesn’t have a lawyer present, the conversation isn’t recorded, but our guy goes back to the office and dummies up some notes in the file as to what our guy claims the aide said.

Boss:  so?

Writer: so our guy walks into the special investigator’s office and says “Hey, the President’s aide lied to me.  Here’s what he said on the wiretap and here’s what he told me in person.  He’s a liar.  We can prosecute him for lying and maybe get him to roll over on his boss, testify against the President.”  So the special prosecutor is liking that and ready to run with it but our guy screws up.  See, he’s married but he’s also having an affair with an FBI lawyer – that’s the love interest and we can get some steamy scenes out of that, too – and our guy sends his lover some texts bragging about his scam.  But somehow the texts leak

Boss: how?

Writer: I’m working on that.  But anyway, the texts leak and the special investigator finds out our guy is bent so his testimony is worthless,  but the special investigator really hates the President so he quietly reassigns our guy out of the way for a bit while he tries to finesse the aide into pleading guilty so he can get something to use against the President.

Boss: wait – what happened to our guy?  I thought this show was about him?

Writer: he’s reassigned to Human Resources to lay low until it blows over.  The special investigator temporarily becomes the star of the show.  It’s like when the main star is pregnant so the co-star gets a few episodes, you know?

Boss: yeah, okay.  Then what?

Writer: well, that’s as far as I’ve gotten.  But it’s great, right?  It’s got everything – sex, crime, politics, drama . . . so when do we start shooting?

Boss;  I gotta hand it to ya, kid, I really do.  Ya got a terrific imagination.  But this stuff, it’s too much.  It’s over the top.  One guy at the center of a conspiracy to take down the President?  Nobody would ever believe it.  And what the hell kind of name is Strzok?  Fuggedaboutit, kid.  Get the hell out of my office.

End scene

Joe Doakes

It’s only fiction if you ignore the real world.