SCENE: Mitch BERG is waiting in line at the box office to buy advance tickets to see PJ O’Rourke.
Suddenly, Bill GUNKEL, chairman of the Inver Grove Heights chapter of Former Republicans for Ron Paul, walking by to find a place that sells pancakes, notices BERG.
GUNKEL: Hey, Berg! Ron Paul was right all along about Iraq!
GUNKEL: He opposed the war in Iraq from the very beginning.
BERG: Well, no cigar for that; he opposes the Civil War.
GUNKEL: Well, yeah for good reason…
BERG: Before you launch into that, Bill, why doncha tell me what it was that Ron Paul knew about Iraq that the rest of us didn’t?
GUNKEL: He had no WMDs!
BERG: OK. Right. Now – forget for a moment that the authorization to go to war had 23 different separate reasons, grouped into four different categories; Aggressive actions against its neighbors including sponsoring terrorism and paying for suicide bombers in Israel; gross human rights violations, including two separate mass genocides against the Kurds and the Marsh Arabs; violations of the terms of the 1992 peace accord, and WMDs. WMDs amounted to three of the 23 reasons for the authorization.
And pretty much everyone in the world that wasn’t regarded as a crank…
BERG: Sorry, everyone in the world that wasn’t regarded as a crank and Ron Paul looked at the same evidence that the President did, that showed there were WMDs, and believed it. Including Hillary Clinton, John Kerry and Joe Biden.
GUNKEL: But Ron Paul was right about the WMD!
BERG: Right. And almost nobody – none of the world’s major intelligence agencies, diplomatic services or anyone else – agreed. And as long as Hussein was in power, nobody was going to know any better.
GUNKEL: So Ron Paul is smarter than all of them!
BERG: Er, sure. And how do we know it?
GUNKEL: Because there were no WMDs. Or not many.
BERG: And we know this why?
GUNKEL: Because we never found any!
BERG: Who never found any how, or when?
GUNKEL: Our troops, in Iraq, after…the… [GUNKEL pauses]
BERG: In other words, the invasion, and only the invasion, confirmed Ron Paul’s thesis, and without the invasion, there’d have been no foreseeable way to confirm or deny it.
GUNKEL: Statist RINO!