To:  Mayor Richard Daley

From: Mitch Berg, Real American

Re:  Your priorities

Mayor Daley,

Your city is overrun by gang-bangers who, despite your gun ban, make your city more violent than Baghdad today.

Your city is broke – and that great legacy of your city’s corrupt, stupid system, Barack Obama, is doing the same to the rest of the nation.

So now that the Supreme Court has strapped your city’s moronic gun ban – itself a racist concoction and a legacy of your notoriously corrupt father’s tenure in office – into the chair and gotten the switch ready to flip, I suppose it makes sense that you’ll focus on the “real problem”, the law-abiding gun owner:

As expected, Mayor Daley and Chicago’s City Council are circling the wagons to defend against an unfavorable decision by the Supreme Court concerning the city’s gun ban.

Daley said the city would have in place a new ordinance aimed at making it difficult to purchase and own a gun in Chicago.

“We’ll publicly propose a new ordinance very soon,” Daley said at an afternoon press conference concerning the gun ban.

Great to see you’ve got your priorities straight.

That is all.

To: Family Resource Council

From: Mitch Berg

Re:  Get a Grip

To whom it may concern,

You have gone on record against…shall-issue concealed carry laws?

A new piece from the Family Research Council blasts Grover Norquist (President of Americans for Tax Reform; Member of the Board of Directors of the National Rifle Association) for joining the board of GOProud, an organization of conservative gay Republicans. Among the alleged sins on the GOProud agenda :

Equalize “concealed carry reciprocity” amendment with gay rights via state rights. Support guns being carried and recognized across state lines, in order to further the agenda that gay marriages legal in only a few states be recognized legally in all. (July 2009)

Have you lost your minds?

For starters – self-defense is a human right, without which the innocent are murdered and society is made even more vulnerable to tyranny.

There are those who make the case that gay marriage is a human right.  I disagree, and so do y’all, but the way to make the case that it is not, is not to undercut other human rights.

And if you want to influence policy, you might want to remember that most of your group’s supporters are also Second Amendment supporters, and shall-issue is one of the most important Second Amendment initiatives there is.

So get right, or get off my side.

That is all.

I sent this  message to Senator Tarryl Clark, who is the DFL-endorsed candidate to run against Michele Bachmann in the Sixth District

I’m Mitch Berg, co-host (with Ed Morrissey) of the Northern Alliance Radio Network, heard every Saturday on AM1280 The Patriot in the Twin Cities.

I read your release last week in which you criticized Rep. Bachmann for limiting her appearances to conservative media – and I saw an opportunity.

I’d like to invite you to come on the Northern Alliance Radio Network for a couple of segments one of these Saturdays.   Ed and I are respectful but  acerbic interviewers; we’ve interviewed RT Rybak, Dane Smith, Rochelle Olson and Erik Black, and overall I’ll put the quality of our “across the aisle” interviews up against anything on the radio in Minnesota, public or private.

Since across-the-aisle conversation obviously concerns you as much as it does us, I hope you’ll avail yourself of the opportunity to address the conservative audience.

Thanks,

Mitch Berg
AM1280 The Patriot

I’ll keep you all posted.

…especially those of you that are tittering over the GOP’s Unity Tour (because a MNGOP without Tom Horner, Arne Carlson and Dave Durenberger can’t possibly be “united”).

Just a quick word of advice; the water in the bucket sloshes less when you bend your elbow.

That is all.

To: Rep. Betty McCollum

From: Mitc Berg, peasant in your realm

Re: Campaign

Rep. McCollum,

You’ve been in office for ten years, winning most years by huge margins.  Of course, this past few cycles have been great years for Democrats everywhere – so here in the Fourth District, it’s been just ludicrous; you’ve won by the same margin Brezhnev got in the 1970 Soviet elections.

And you’ve developed a bit of a reputation for dodging debates.  The rumor has it that it’s because you’re just not able of holding your own against anyone past about sixth grade.   But in a normal year, that’s OK – this is the Fourth District. In a normal year, the Fourth District DFL could endorse Ed Gein, Crispin Glover or a bag of Snausages and get 55% of the vote.

But this isn’t a normal year.  The GOP has a tail wind this year; you might not be a walkon this year.  Teresa Collette won endorsement with a pretty good head of steam.

So here’s the question; are you going to scamper like a scared kitten away from a debate and hide behind your friends in the media again?

That is all.

To: Taco Bell

From: Mitch Berg, Blogger

Re:  Shrimp Taco Ad

Sirs:

No.  There is no such thing as a “shrimp blogger”.

Please cease and desist.

Your prompt attention to this would be appreciated.

That is all.

To:  All you Democrats who’ve spent the last umpteen years yipping about Dick Cheney’s muted outburst in the well of the Senate

From: Mitch Berg

Ahem.

At least Leahy deserved it.

The entire American people?  Pfft.

That is all.

I just left this message at Rep. McCollum’s website:

———-

Rep. McCollum,

I’m Mitchell Berg.  I’m a constituent of yours, from the Midway.

And while I realize there’s scant chance that you will change your vote, I need to make sure you know that at least one of your constituents is revolted by the current process in Washington.  Speaker Pelosi and Senator Reid are making a mockery of House and Senate rules…

…in service of a bill that *will* bankrupt this nation and *will* destroy our healthcare system. 

I realize that it’s pointless to ask you to vote for what’s best for our grandchildren and generations thereafter.  But I’m going to make sure I ask anyway.

Sincerely,

Mitchell Berg
Constituent

To: Kevin Spacey

From: Mitch Berg, Fan

Re: Career Opportunities

Dear Mr. Spacey,

It’s been a long time since you lit up the small screen with your performance as Mel Profitt on Wise Guy (perhaps the most unjustly-obscure great TV show of all time).  Verbal Kint?  Even American Beauty?  Seems like forever.

So I know you’ve been working hard to get back out of the dinner theater circuit.  So no doubt your agent told you this would be a great idea.

Perhaps you need to shoot for The Usual Suspects II: Weekend At Keyser’s.

Just saying.

That is all.

To:  Japan

From:  Mitch Berg

Re:  Protests

While I can certainly appreciate that an American military presence on your soil may cramp your style and make you upset…

Thousands of protesters from across Japan marched today in Tokyo to protest against U.S. military presence on Okinawa, while a Cabinet minister said she would fight to get rid of a marine base Washington considers crucial.

Some 47,000 U.S. troops are stationed in Japan, with more than half on the southern island of Okinawa.

Residents have complained for years about noise, pollution and crime around the bases.

…please don’t feel me disrespectful in noting that you had a grade-A chance of averting this whole situation up through December 6, 1941.

Just saying.

That is all.

One word for you:

Double-Gut-To-Face-y.

Please rectify the problem.

That is all.

Background:  I have been waiting roughly five years to say one thing.

Ahem.

At least our president won his war.

That is all.

To: Richard Daley, Mayor, Chicago

From: Mitch Berg, occasional visitor.

Re: Hahahaha

Dear Mayor Daley,

As you and your minions dig in to fight against the rule of law in the McDonald case (scheduled to go before the Supreme Court on March 2), just thought you’d like to check out a little bit of foreshadowing, courtesy of Justice Scalia in the Heller decision. I call it “foreshadowing” because I’m gonna guess it covers the tack you and your lawyers are going to try to take (I’ll add some emphasis for the benefit of your “community organizers):

Justice Breyer moves on to make a broad jurisprudential point: He criticizes us for declining to establish a level of scrutiny for evaluating Second Amendment restrictions. He proposes, explicitly at least, none of the traditionally expressed levels (strict scrutiny, intermediate scrutiny, rational basis), but rather a judge-empowering “interest-balancing inquiry” that “asks whether the statute burdens a protected interest in a way or to an extent that is out of proportion to the statute’s salutary effects upon other important governmental interests.” Post, at 10. After an exhaustive discussion of the arguments for and against gun control, Justice Breyer arrives at his interest-balanced answer: because handgun violence is a problem, because the law is limited to an urban area, and because there were somewhat similar restrictions in the founding period (a false proposition that we have already discussed), the interest-balancing inquiry results in the constitutionality of the handgun ban. QED.    We know of no other enumerated constitutional right whose core protection has been subjected to a freestanding “interest-balancing” approach.

I’m no lawyer, but to the best of my knowledge the key use of “interest-balanced” enquiry was to distinguish slaves from free men.  (I could be wrong).

The very enumeration of the right takes out of the hands of government—even the Third Branch of Government—the power to decide on a case-by-case basis whether the right is really worth insisting upon. A constitutional guarantee subject to future judges’ assessments of its usefulness is no constitutional guarantee at all. Constitutional rights are enshrined with the scope they were understood to have when the people adopted them, whether or not future legislatures or (yes) even future judges think that scope too broad. We would not apply an “interest-balancing” approach to the prohibition of a peaceful neo-Nazi march through Skokie. See National Socialist Party of America v. Skokie, 432 U. S. 43 (1977) (per curiam). The First Amendment contains the freedom-of-speech guarantee that the people ratified, which included exceptions for obscenity, libel, and disclosure of state secrets, but not for the expression of extremely unpopular and wrong-headed views. The Second Amendment is no different. Like the First, it is the very product of an interest-balancing by the people—which Justice Breyer would now conduct for them anew. And whatever else it leaves to future evaluation, it surely elevates above all other interests the right of law-abiding, responsible citizens to use arms in defense of hearth and home.

To translate it for your lawyers, Mayor Daley:  Really really really wanting to keep black people disarmed doesn’t count as a constitutional governmental power.

And in conclusion:

We are aware of the problem of handgun violence in this country, and we take seriously the concerns raised by the many amici who believe that prohibition of handgun ownership is a solution. The Constitution leaves the District of Columbia a variety of tools for combating that problem, including some measures regulating handguns, see supra, at 54–55, and n. 26. But the enshrinement of constitutional rights necessarily takes certain policy choices off the table. These include the absolute prohibition of handguns held and used for self-defense in the home. Undoubtedly some think that the Second Amendment is outmoded in a society where our standing army is the pride of our Nation, where well-trained police forces provide personal security, and where gun violence is a serious problem. That is perhaps debatable, but what is not debatable is that it is not the role of this Court to pronounce the Second Amendment extinct.

We affirm the judgment of the Court of Appeals.

I doubt the Supremes have the power to order you to be chased from office with a rock-and-garbage-throwing mob, but it’d seem just.

Arguments on March 2.  Decision sometime in June. I may take a vacation day; who knows, I might even go to Chicago.

That is all.

I realize you get that sense of edgy rebellion by calling our governor “Timmy”.  And ordinarily I’d not be the one to rain on your parade, however pathetic “your parade” would seem to be.

However, he was elected by a plurality of your neighbors – twice.  So it’s actually “Governor Pawlenty” to you.

That is all.

To:  Would-be YouTube “Stars”

From: Mitch Berg

Re:  Your Activities

To whom it may concern:

You know who you are.  You make videos of yourselves sitting on the toilet chanting “I’m Sittin’ On Da Toilet”.  You have your roommates post videos of you, slobbering drunk, chanting “Hhhope ‘enn chanzhe” over and over. You scream yourself into incontinence over how “we” are treating Britney and importune us to “leave her alone”.

You are hereby directed to destroy your cameras and report to the nearest bar full of longshoremen for a long-overdue beating.

That is all.

To: E-Trade
From: Mitch Berg
Re: The Kid.

To whom it may concern,

While I’ll allow that the line “Shankapotamus” is inspired and hilarious, I can’t get around the fact that doctoring a toddler to sound like a whinging, chick-drink-slurping late-twentysomething yuppie…

…gives me the serious creeps.

That is all.

To:  Representative Betty McCollum, (D MN-4)

From:  Mitch Berg, your “Constituent”

Re:  Office procedure.

Dear Representative McCollum,

I realize that it might be easier to leave things be than actually deal with a constituent who differs from an approach you no doubt committed to take on the issue long, long ago…

…but would it kill you to clear out some space on your voicemail?

That is all.

MBerg

To: President Obama

From: Mitch Berg, staunch critic and forthright conservative

Re:  Setting The Record Straight

Mr. President,

You stink.  Your policies are destroying this country, at home and abroad.

I say this as a representative of a conservative blog and a conservative talk radio show.

Please sic your PR goons on the blog and the show.

That is all.

To: President Obama

From: Mitch Berg

Re:  The War That Matters

Mr. President,

You’ve been extremely lukewarm about supporting General McChrystal’s proposal for a troop surge to support his counterinsurgency campaign in Iraq.

You basically abdicated the US policy of support for missile defense, selling out our allies in Eastern Europe in the face of Vladimir Putin.

When the Soviets Russians pounded the uppity Georgians, you sent the plucky, pro-Western, freedom-loving Georgians a ship full of Hope and Change, and nothing else.

And of course, when the Iranians were shooting protesters in the streets, you made concerned noises and went quietly away.

Little did the world’s despots and tinpots know that you were just saving your energy for the real battle:

The White House is calling on other news organizations to isolate and alienate Fox News as it sends out top advisers to rail against the cable channel as a Republican Party mouthpiece.

Attaway, Mister President.  Because even if it were true, and even if Fox were a GOP “mouthpiece” – and as far as its news-gathering goes, it’s not – well, goodness knows that our country doesn’t need at least one group of contrary journalists keeping big government accountable, do we?  Because your Administration has abolished the laws of human behavior and created a government that doesn’t need to be held accountable?

As visibly as you crave the approval of European elites, you do realize that most private European news outlets actually are partisan in editorial stance?  That while The Guardian and Die Zeit and Le Monde lean left, the Times and the Frankfurter Allgemeine lean overtly to the right, and are open about it?  And that each of them rides their “opposition” pretty hard, which makes the “opposition” sad, but occasionally trips up some big scandals?  Hence holding government accountable…

…Aaaaaah.  I get it now.

That is all.

P.S.:  When does the 2008 campaign end, anyway?

To: Star/Tribune

From: Mitch Berg, one-time subscriber

Re: A Fine Idea

Dear Star/Tribune,

 The next time one of the gabbling bobbleheads you call “columnists” or “editorial board members” warns us that the Twin Cities will become a “Cold Atlanta” if we don’t fund a rail line or a gay forensic dance troupe or just hike taxes through the roof, do try to remember that sometimes those wild-eyed southerners have some really good ideas.

This is from yesterday, in the Atlanta Journal/Constitution (with emphasis added by me):

After listening carefully to readers and thinking deeply about the modern role of a newspaper in elections, the AJC Editorial Board is taking a new approach to election coverage, beginning with this November’s elections.

Going forward, our board will use its unique position to work for readers in pursuing with candidates the issues that are critical to the future of our community. The board will provide readers with clear, concise information about candidates’ positions and records. The AJC will no longer endorse political candidates.

I know, I know – the Strib, or at least its editorial board and opinion page, are an adjunct arm of the DFL communications office; when your master calls, you bark like a well-trained puppy.

Just saying.  Your relentless editorial bias has cost you more readership than you know.

That is all.

To: Paid “independent” “alternative” water-carriers for George Soros (et. al)

From: Mitch Berg, actual independent

Re:  Your Latest Meme

So first, we had “truther” – people, usually Democrats (including, during the 2004 election, as many as a third of Democrats, according to one survey which, to be fair, didn’t distinguish between respondents with questions and the real true believers), who believe that George W. Bush and the US government were behind 9/11.

Then came the “birthers” – people, usually Republicans (including, during the past election, as many as a quarter of Republicans, according to one survey which, to be fair once again, didn’t distinguish between true believers and those who are merely curious about the flap about Obama’s birth certificate), who question President Obama’s constitutional qualification to be President.

The meme is thus set; taking an oddball conspiracy, tacking “-er” onto the end to connote a sense of unthinking, unreasoning credulity, even insanity.

Which brings us to the latest manifestation of this meme – the “Tenther“.

Of course, while 9/11 and Birth Certificate conspiracies are easily and often hilariously debunked, the Tenth Amendment of the US Constitution has the inconvenient properties of being both part of the United States Constitution and, as it happens, an inconvenient hurdle (for those who see the Constitution as “hurdles” to big government) to the current Administration’s more gigantistic plans (i.e., most of them).
Which explains, I suspect, the Alinskier and Soroser fingerprints on the whole meme.  Otherwise, the left’s most-considered response is “States Rights?  Why, that means you favor slavery!”

That is all-er.

To: President Obama

From: Mitch Berg, perplexed peasant

Re: Huh?

Dear President Obama:

About that whole “cancelling missile defense” and “selling out our political allies in Eastern Europe” thing?

Well played, sir.  Seriously.

“This regime (Israel) will not last long. Do not tie your fate to it … This regime has no future. Its life has come to an end,” [Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad] said in a speech broadcast live on state radio.

No, no sarcasm here.

That is all.

To: Jimmy Carter

Of course, had I known thirty years ago that you were not only an incompetent idiot, but…

Former President Jimmy Carter said Tuesday that U.S. Rep. Joe Wilson’s outburst to President Barack Obama during a speech to Congress last week was an act “based on racism” and rooted in fears of a black president.

“I think it’s based on racism,” Carter said in response to an audience question at a town hall held at his presidential center in Atlanta. “There is an inherent feeling among many in this country that an African-American should not be president.”

…a corrosively stupid person, it would have made the choice all the easier.

That is all.

I’ve been using Yahoo Mail for quite some time now.  It’s always been reliable, with less futzing around with maintenance than I’d have to do running mail off my ISP.

But you’ve packed so much client-side code into the latest version of your mailer – including the wretched embedded Chat client – that Yahoo Mail is as likely to shut down my browser as it is to actually let me see my mail lately.  Especially in Linux, where it slows Firefox down to a miserable limbo; not crashed, but not working.  And it never emerges./

I’m not sure what you think you’ve done, but please stop before I have to switch to GMail.

That is all.

To:  Tarryl Clark, DFL Candidate for MNCD6 nomination

From: Mitch Berg, un-American dissenter.

Re:  Public Image? Limited!

Dear Ms. Clark,

You’re running for Congress in the Sixth Congressional District.  It’s a fairly conservative district with some fairly liberal enclaves.  It’s obviously a district in major contention – but Michele Bachmann, the most unrepentant conservative in Minnesota politics, squeedged out a three point margin against not only Elwin “E-Tink” Tinklenberg, but against a full court press from the mainstream media, the liberal cableocracy, and the nutroots.

Which says to me – though I am, I’ll grant, merely a simple peasant – that the Sixth is probably not a mother lode for nutroots campaigning.

So please, Ms. Clark; please please please keep campaigning away on Daily Kos.  I sincerely beg of you.