To: Rep. Ellison

From: Mitch Berg, mere citizen

Re: Your campaign.

Rep. Ellison:

Conventional “wisdom” has it that the Fifth CD is a shoo-in for you. That the district hasn’t voted for a Republican since before the War of 1812. That Republicans in the Fifth should just fold up shop and either leave the district, or abandon their tattered conservative principles and link arms and march together with the DFL towards glorious future! (or at least shut up and quit talking about things that make Tics sad and dyspeptic with cognitive dissonance).

So I read this report from last Saturday’s Juneteenth parade…:

On another front in the Juneteenth event of Saturday, there was a parade. Barb Davis White participated by making an appearance, riding in the parade. Interestingly, there was no sign of Congressman Ellison until someone phoned him to report that his opponent was in the Juneteenth parade. I’m told by my sources that this seems to be a trend with Mr. Ellison. He is not so keen on campaigning hard, but will do so when he has to make a showing, lest it be said that he doesn’t care.

…and I say “good on ya, Rep. Ellison! Show your confidence in your people! They voted for you once – they have to vote for you again! (although beware – the “Open Card” laws you support actually pertain only to union elections, not congressional ones. So far, anyway).

To go out and actually work for your the peoples’ seat would be to diminish the magnitude of your majestic mandate.

So take the summer off. What – people think Barb Davis White is going to give you a run for your money? That’s all of that “going out into the neighborhood and talking with people about education, taxes and crime” malarkey is going to overcome the ineluctible forces of history that propelled you, Keith Ellison, Man of Destiny, to the forefront of American politics?

Pshaw, sez I. Pshaw, indeed.

Kick back, Rep. Ellison. Relax. Life’s good.

To: The NBA

From: Mitch Berg

Re: Alleged Rigging

Dear Sirs and Madames,

As long as you are (alleged to be) going to the trouble of rigging your games, could you please rig them to be interesting?

That is all.

Mitch Berg

If you live in the Second District – which includes a big chunk of southeastern Minnesota and the south/southeast metro areas – you are lucky.

Politically, anyway.  No, I have little desire to move to Eagan, and none for Lakeville.

But you have John Kline in the House.  He’s solid, He’s generally conservative.

And he’s safe.  Even the Democrats realize that Steve Sarvi isn’t much more than a warm body to put on the ballot; while he has lower negatives than the insane Colleen Rowley, I also suspect he’ll garner less fundraising from outside-the-district wackjobs.

Indeed, it seems to be an issue:

“Critics say Sarvi isn’t perceived as a threat in the race, with party officials targeting campaigns considered more competitive.

‘I haven’t seen any evidence that national Democrats are taking the race seriously — or on the local side,’ said Republican activist and blogger Michael Brodkorb.

Fundraising has been admittedly difficult so far, Sarvi said.

Let’s face it, CD2 Republicans; Kline’s seat is pretty well safe.  We needn’t be complacent, of course; y’all gotta work for the guy.  But barring some scandal favoring the Iraq veteran Sarvi – say, someone discovers that Kline’s bio is faked and that he didn’t actually win four Legions of Merit, his Naval Commendation Medal, a Meritorious Service Medal, a Joint Service Commendation Medal, and a Defense Superior Service Award, serve in Vietnam, serve as an aide to two Presidents and as pilot for Marine One, and have a son who has served as a chopper pilot in Iraq – y’all can most likely look forward to a couple more unchallenged years of good representation in Washington.

So when it comes time to do your political donations, how about peeling off a couple of bucks for where the party needs some help?

I’ve talked with both of the GOP’s “inner-city” candidates – CD5’s Barb Davis White and CD4’s Ed Matthews.  And while I’ve supported all of the GOP’s candidates in both of these offices, I don’t believe I’m disparaging any of them in saying that Barb and Ed are the best couple of candidates we’ve seen for these offices in a long time.  They’re both sharp, articulate, with that combination of solid conservative beliefs and keen understanding of their communities that it’ll take to many any inroads in their districts.

Because let’s face it; while this state has been flirting with being “purple” and on the ragged brink of voting “red” for a decade now, we’ll never really flip this state until we can make a contest of the Fourth and Fifth Districts.

And don’t forget the Republicans running down-ticket from the Congressional candidates!  We have a decent shot of taking back some of the House seats we lost in ’06, and flipping a few RINO seats to actual conservative control.  They need your help too.

If you’re a GOP activist and perennial volunteer, you’re probably used to – and tired of – hearing that every campaign is do or die, make or break, the big one.  Fact is, the only places where Republicans can relax are in places like Utah – where Republicans win everything – or Malibu, where we’ll never make a showing.

Everywhere else?  It’s a battle.  Every two years.

To: The Software industry

From:  Mitch Berg

Re:  Mislabeling.

To whom it may concern,

A “support forum” where you can go ask questions of other equally-frustrated users of your crappy product is not, in fact, “support”. 

No, keep the forum.  Just quit calling it part of your “support service”. 

That is all.

MBerg

To:  Al Franken

From: Mitch Berg – mere peasant taxpayer

Re:  When The Going Gets Tough.

Mr. Franken,

I’m Mitch Berg.  I’m a conservative Christian Republican.  And I wouldn’t vote for you if you waterboarded me.

But I’m here to ask of you; please, please, Al – be a profile in courage.

Resist the tide.

Don’t drop out of the race.

Now, I don’t give you a lot of credit in the whole “guts” and “perseverence” department; partly because you run like a scared bunny before even the fundamentally-friendly mainstream media, to say nothing of conservative media; if you can’t handle Minnesota’s notoriously-DFL-up-sucking deadtree press corps or a group of conservative bloggers, how the hell are you going to deal with the knock-down, drag-out of life in the Senate?

No matter.  You need…Minnesota needs you to stick this battle out.

Go for the nomination, Al.  Fight for every last Minnesota DFLer vote.  Raise every DFL dollar you can.  Battle for every news cycle.  Send your oppo people to slash and burn your opponents – and respond in kind to their assaults!

The Minnesota DFL needs it, Al.  And deserves it. 

Please, Al.  You’re good enough.  You’re smart enough.  And dog-gone it, bloggers need you.

That is all.

I sent this to Councilman Thune and his assistant:

Councilman Thune,

Mitch Berg here.

I just got off the phone with Ms. Lindgren, who said she’d leave a message for you. It occurred to me that she never asked me for any contact information – an oversight, I’m sure. In any case, I’m writing to follow up.

I’d like to extend an open-ended invitation to join Ed Morrissey and I this weekend on the Northern Alliance broadcast, any time between 1PM and 3PM, at your convenience. We’d love to discuss to your statements, in public and on the Saint Paul Information Forum, about the 28-40% of your constituents who vote Republican, and are (or so you seem to believe) drunken, puking, drug-dealing warmongers.

Now, I know that every time I’ve requested an interview in the past, you’ve pled “busy”. And I know you’re a busy guy, and respect that fact.

So in the interest of reaching “across the aisle” to make sure you’re able to communicate with Saint Paul’s Republicans, and the other Republicans nationwide who’ll be travelling to *our* city, I’d like to stress that this invitation is good for ANY SATURDAY between now and the end of human existence on this or any planet (or your retirement or ejection from politics, whichever comes first). You can come into the studio, or appear via phone – whatever’s most convenient!

If you are not available on a Saturday, I will be happy to *tape* an interview with you, in studio or via phone, at ANY TIME convenient to you, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I will also be happy to meet you with a tape recorder, any place, any time, at your leisure (provided I’m not incapacitated by fits of drunken vomiting and delirium tremens). You, as an elected official, DESERVE the opportunity to reach across the aisle and speak with the 28-40% of your constituents who likely voted against the DFL and you, but whom you nevertheless still represent as president of the city council of one of America’s great cities.

Finally, in the unlikely event that you can’t free up fifteen minutes between now and the end of time for a radio interview, I’d like to submit some questions – under separate cover, obviously – for you to answer at your leisure via email. Pardon my presumption, but this seems reasonable, given that I am a Saint Paul taxpayer.

I will hope you will do me the estimable honor of responding to this invitation (which I’m making public via my various blogs and, this weekend, the show), rather than having to lead a contingent of “drunk, puking, warmongering, drug-dealing, family-values-flouting” Saint Paul Republicans to deliver it in person at an upcoming City Council meeting.

Sincerely,

Mitch Berg
Sober, peace-loving Republican and 21-year Saint Paul Taxpayer

Northern Alliance Radio Network
AM1280thepatriot.com

Shot In The Dark
www.shotinthedark.info

I’ll keep y’all posted.

To: Molly Priesmeyer, Rent-a-Blogger and Snark-Minx

From:  Mitch Berg, Unpaid Hack

Re:  John McCain’s Teeth.

Ms. P,

 I realized that I said that I’d try to contact you the next time I had a question about your coverage of an event.  And since the Sorosphere is suddenly all afroth over the state of Senator McCain’s teeth (that’s why we go to the Sorosphere; all that cogent analysis!), it’d be a good time to ask you…

…except your email address doesn’t seem to be anywhere on the MNMon’s (really, really badly-designed) site.

Sorry.  Pinky swear, I tried!

So anyway, here’s my question:  When you copy and paste a line that 5,000 other leftybloggers write:

If bloggers are saying one thing about John McCain this week it’s that the 71-year-old has some serious grit. Of course, that grit comes in the form of McCain Mouth, a deformity that apparently causes teeth to look like a mess of yellowed and contorted Chiclets. Today, BuzzFeed.com has picked up on the mouth meme, turning McCain’s piano-key chompers into an official phenomenon.

The consensus? “They’re old.”

Well, not nearly as old as the Senator is. 

Because – you do realize this, don’t you, Ms. Priesmeyer? – Senator McCain had a bunch of his teeth broken off at the gumline while he was being held as a POW.  Which, of course, can set a guy up for a whole lifetime o’ dental hurt. 

But you didn’t know that – right?  If you’d known that, you’d never, ever have written such a deeply, disturbingly dumb piece.  Right? 

Seriously – please plead ignorance. I’d like to know that even the MNMon has a level below which even they won’t sink – although reason tells me my faith is probably misplaced.

While looks are an easy and lame target,

[Being more mature than he used the be, the writer bites his tongue at the too-easy retort, knowing he’s a better person for it] 

 it’s at least refreshing to see McCain’s teeth get a razzing (though, unfortunately, not a cleaning). It gets a little tiring listening to the same sexist cries that Hillary Clinton is just too ugly to be president. Hatin’ on the looks of all the candidates? Now that’s equality!

No, that’s just stupid and sophomoric.  Dinging Senator Clinton on her looks is stupid and sexist.  Ripping Senator McCain for the appearance of a mouth that had the living sh*t beaten out of it by NVA goons is its own punishment, at least among people with consciences.

Glad to see Steve Perry’s bringing some professionalism to the good ol’ MNMon!

UPDATE:  Brodkorb is even less-amused:

This is really disgusting attack on Senator McCain and Minnesota Monitor should be embarrassed

Michael has more faith in Steve Perry than I do. 

UPDATED UPDATE: I’m gratified to see that the lefties in Brodkorb’s comment section are even more cheesed-off than the rest of us. 

RE-UPDATED UPDATE:  Mo’N @ Jo’T has the photoshop of the day.

UP-UPDATED UP-UPDATE:  I never actually put Minnesota Monitor on my blogroll, so I can’t remove it in a fit of pique.  I’m considering adding it for about five minutes, so I can gas it. 

Ideas?

Perhaps y’all remember me. I’m one of those guys you used to read about; I make decent money, live within my means. Work is good and steady (knock wood). My credit rating has a few dings – I’m still cleaning up from a year of near-unemployment and some dodgy contracting work, but all in all I’m not doing that badly.

I bought the house as – I’ll let you take a moment to absorb this – a place to raise kids. I’ve been here 14 years, and I fully expect to have my grandkids over for Christmas in (takes a deep breath) ten or fifteen years. It’s not like I’m going anywhere. Most of all, I’m not one of those guys who uses his house as an ATM. The balance on my mortgage is about 3/4 of what my house was appraised at.

NOTE: That’s “3/4”, as in “75%”. Not “100%”, like the loans some of you were approving like Las Vegas marriages until recently. Not 135%, which is what some of the loans you approved last year have turned into in the past few months. Nope. Just a simple, workadaddy, hugamommy 75%.

So let’s get this straight, between you, me, and your potted plant; for the last couple of years, while you were busy approving deals that render this story just barely this side of the “reality/comedy” curve, “investing” money like a crack whore “invests” with a stolen Gold Card, I was plugging away, trying to build equity, doing the best I could.

So don’t take your hangover over your years of crappy decisions on other borrowers out on me, toots.

That is all.

Simon,

For the past quarter-century, I’ve been pointing out to people that you are, in fact, Pete Townsend’s little brother. Of course, it’d make not the faintest shred of difference, and nobody would care…

…but for your great shining moment, Sweet Sound – the album that put you on the map, back in 1983.  And the cornerstone of that album was “I Am The Answer”, one of the most perfect pop songs ever written.

Cut with your old band (bassist Tony Butler and drummer Mark Bzrzecki, who joined Big Country around this time), centered around a spare, chiming guitar part and the gorgeous interplay between you and Butler’s vocals, the song was an exhilarating wonder. I’ve been wanting to find it for years.

So now I have an IPod, and ITumes.  And I went looking.  And found it.

Sort of.

No, the version available on ITunes is not the Sweet Sound take.  It’s a newer version.

And Simon?  Bubbie?  We gotta talk.

Where the old version was low-key and gorgeous, the new one is shrill and constipated-sounding.  Where Tony Butler’s harmonies on the original defied vocal gravity, the new version sounds like you’re backed by a bunch of Scottish football hooligans.

See to this, can we?

That is all.

The word is “pundit”.  Pronounced “pun-dit”. 

Not “pun-dint”. 

“Pun-dit“. 

That is all.

I’m not sure what to make of this odd admission:

We moved into our house last March. Two days ago I did my first batch of laundry.

Do you use fans, or do you have a sterno-fueled potpourri burner?

Teegs?  Sar-Sar?  Two quick notes:

1. Tune your damn guitar.
2. Sarah – you know that thing where you scoop your voice like a quarter-step sharp in the middle of a phrase?  Stop it.

That is all.

To:  Saint Paul City Council

From:  Mitch Berg, mere taxpayer and member of the city’s Republican minority

Re:  Priorities

Ladies and Gentlemen:

A few days ago, on a Saint Paul Politics email discussion group, Council President Dave Thune wrote:

We have an assembly permit ordinance but our city attorney says it would be unconstitutional if challenged. I’d like to get that out of the way before we run into trouble with it. it was enacted to attempt to protect planned parenthood from demonstrators.

On Monday morning I had a brief, interesting conversation with Mr. Henderson of the City Attorney’s Civil Division.  He says it’s the City Attorney’s opinion that the city’s permit ordinance is fine, as-is. 

I also spoke with Chuck Samuelson of the ACLU-MN.  He didn’t know of any proposed changes (and goodness knows they’d be interested). 

I freely admit this could be a matter of my own confusion, but…Which ordinance were you referring to, Mr. Thune? 

And whom at the City Attorney’s office would be the go-to person on this issue?  I’d especially like to know, for as-close-to-the-record-as-I-can-get, why a measure that was hunky dory when applied to peaceful pro-life demonstrators is now in your own words
possibly “unconstitutional” and a matter of grave concern when all of the far-left council’s pals are coming to town.

Councilman Thune also wrote:

Our other committee is working on a “demonstrators guide to the galaxy”  not the real title but is sounds cool).  They will be figuring out how to get info out to non-delegates as to housing, communication, emergency services, etc.

So exactly who at the city is working on this?  How much city money is being spent to make protesters comfortable?  This, in a city that spent the entire legislative session bitching about how broke it was due to Aid to Local Government “cuts”? 

We have to look at a bunch of logistical things like – where buises or cars can
pick people up after marching, porta-potties, water, first aide, etc.

Is it normally the city’s job to provide transportation, sanitation, water and healthcare to protesters?  If the MCCL were to bring thousands of people to town to picket, say, a Planned Parenthood convention, how many porta-potties would the city put out for them?  Or, as I suspect, would they be told to arrange all of that for themselves, at their own expense?

Our position – supported by police is that demonstrators must be within sight
and sound of delegates. Shuffling folks away to a remote site is not an option.

Speaking of the police – could any of you comment about the friction in these organizing stages between Saint Paul (with its police department which, while, excellent, is politically beholden to the far-left City Council) and Ramsey County, whose sheriff, Bob Fletcher, is one of few quasi-Republican elected officials in the county?  It seems like the city is trying to inject itself into as much of the planning as possible, to try to insulate protesters from Sheriff Fletcher’s attention. 

Comment?

We hopefully have a large labor organization asking for the use of harriet island for the entire week. this would then become the “peace island” – rest
area, lost and found, communications, medics, connections for housing, evening entertainment and such. This may provoke a fight over a free speech group having the island instead of dignitaries or parties for media but it’ll be a good one.  I expect the council will have to override our permit process. if this is challenged by anyone we could have a charter crisis over whether the
council can unilaterally do it.

So the city – or actually, the far-left-of-center, labor-and-radical-beholden City Council which Councilman Thune leads – is willing to risk a constitutional crisis, and the attendant legal bills, to ensure that cronies of the City Council have full access to Harriet Island, one of the city’s premier park properties?

We don’t have a next meeting scheduled but I’m meeting with our council
research staff next week or so to start planning subsequent work sessions.
Included have been the lawyers guild, MCLU, electeds, police, parks, emergency
communications and others.  Any suggestions for things needing to be worked out are welcome.

Yeah, esteemed councilpeople, I have some suggestions.  How much money and effort is the city expending on “welcoming protesters”?  Who in the city’s government is leading this effort (whatever the effort is)?

It seems to the not-so-casual observer that…:

• The city is bending over further than backwards   to accomodate protesters.  Which, to an extent,  is fine; I am a demonstrably more-libertarian person than anyone you’re likely to know.  But…
• The city is also bending over backwards to avoid offending those among the protesters that are quite vocally planning, at the least, aggressive mischief.
• Finally – far from penning up the protesters, it’d seem that the city’s vision for the convention is to keep the delegates and party workers confined into a tiny corridor.  Not that that fazes me – I’ll be spending most of the week out among the “protesters”, documenting,  photographing, interviewing, filming…you know the drill.

Anyway, thanks in advance for your responses.  I’m sure they’ll be forthcoming.

Mitch Berg
The Midway

UPDATE:  Council President Thune has said that he was mistaken – the city attorney didn’t tell him the city’s Permit Ordinance needed to be changed. 

My other questions stand. 

Representative Kline,

While I’m not a constituent of yours, Learned Foot is.  And I gotta go along with the Foot on this one.  He’s talking about the gabbling cretins that are continually occupying your office, demanding “dialog”, soaking up your staff’s time and polite ministrations, streetwalking in front of a carful of partisan-media johns.

I say – give ’em what they want.  Or as Foot says:

 I say do it. Hold that town hall meeting they keep demanding. Get these freaks to talk – on tape (and it wouldn’t be hard since they do tend to love the sound of their own voices). Just let them yammer on and on. And then, make sure everyone gets a chance to see them for the vacant narcissistic eliminationists they are.

Lest anyone think that Rep. Kline is dealing with rational people here, Foot excerpts a clip:

 “If Iran would drop a nuclear bomb on Israel, I would ask myself if Israel had it coming, and I would say they did.”

Represenative Kline, here’s what you should do:  have the forum.  And make sure you invite every conservative blogger you can find, especially those with video cameras.   Have a staffer bring a wireless router in from home.  Let us videotape the proceedings, and liveblog ’em, and make sure the exact nature of the creeping cretinism you and your staff face is on full display (as opposed to the gauzy, earnest soft-focus that the Strib presents them in). 

Shine the light on the cockroaches, Representative Kline.  Hell, for that opportunity, I’d take the day off from work.

Have your people call my people.

Representative Ellison:

I’m one of your constituents.

OK, no.  I’m not.  I live in Saint Paul, a city that is not a morass of crime thanks to your party’s policies, thanks mostly to politicians like you – yet.  But I’m a Minnesotan, and I have every right to address my concerns to you.

You’re on record as supporting impeachment.  And I’m writing with one simple demand:

Get on the stick.  Start the “impeachment” ball rolling.  Now. The people who put you in office demand it, and they’re wondering where their campaign promise went:

At a rally in Loring Park in October, Ellison said Bush “has been running amok” and needs to be reined in: “There is one way that you can truly hold this president accountable, and it’s impeachment.”

But for the time being anyway, Ellison seems in no hurry to push the matter. “My opinions really have not changed over time, but the circumstances that I’m in have,” he said. He said that he’s “a step before impeachment,” adding that his emphasis as he learns the ropes in Congress is on a broader range of human and civil rights issues.

Keith!  Your supporters didn’t merrily plug their ears and eyes and mouths, and the Strib didn’t gang-rape the “rules” and “ethics” of journalism to put you into office so you could sit and “learn”.  You’re there for one reason only – to reflect the unfettered id of the DFL and their constituents!

Like this guy:

Mikael Rudolph of Minneapolis, co-founder of a group called ImpeachforPeace.org, wasn’t aware of Ellison’s appointment until he was contacted by a reporter. “That’s fabulous!” he said.

It’s for people like this that you’re in Washington, Mr. Ellison; the half-informed zealot.  The knee-jerk ranter.  The ill-informed, reflexive, unthinking “progressives”.

“Learning”, Mr. Ellison?  Pfft.

Ellison’s appointment to the Judiciary Committee, which has jurisdiction over impeachment, has brought applause from the president’s fiercest critics. Democratic leaders have made clear they don’t intend to move to impeach Bush, and critics are disappointed, hoping Ellison will provide a loud voice to ignite their lonely crusade. Pro-impeachment groups plan to press their case for impeachment when they join anti-war demonstrators for a huge rally Saturday in Washington.

And, Mr. Ellison, you had best be there!

At the rally in Minneapolis, Ellison said it was time to “send the message to this Bush character that we’re not going to have it anymore.” He said that impeachment “would be a major undertaking and it would dominate the headlines for a long time” but that it was the right course.

Well, then start dominating the headlines, Representative Ellison!  Get in the papers with your half-witted little plan!  “Dominate” the headlines!

It’s what the Fifth District sent you to Washington for!

“Ba’ath Party Warns It Will Hold The US Responsible”, warn the headlines, if Hussein is executed.  So says a Ba’ath-affiliated website:

“Our party warns again of the consequences of executing Mr. President and his comrades,” the statement said.

“The Baath and the resistance are determined to retaliate, with all means and everywhere, to harm America and its interests if it commits this crime,” the statement added, referring to Baath fighters as “the resistance.”

Oh, goodie.  Launch an attack on U.S. soil.  Try to ding us on our home field.

You want to guarentee a hard-line response from the American Street?  You want to neuter the pacifist, accomodationist wave that is about the slither into Congress?  Do it.  Attack us here in the States.  I triple dog dare you.

Even Democrats, mostly, aren’t stupid enough to ignore that.

The statement said that if the execution takes place, it would be impossible for the Baath to take part in any prospective negotiations with U.S. and Iraqi officials to reduce the violence in Iraq.

Well, it looks like you did it. 

Unofficial estimates of the projected revenue surplus through June 2009 range up to $1.2 billion, a far cry from the $4.5 billion shortfall that greeted Gov. Tim Pawlenty and legislators in 2003, a hole the state has been digging out of practically ever since.

That heavy lifting has now been completed. More than $1 billion in state treasury reserves have been rebuilt from zero.

Some of the pundits were saying it was going to take a decade or more to unfuzzle the Ventura Deficit – the deficit that happened after a decade of cha-cha spending, including the madness of turning surpluses into permanent entitlement spending.  When the recession of the early ’00s happened, it bit the government in the butt. 

So now it’s time to open the checkbook and satisfy pent-up demand for government spending or tax cuts, right?

Not so fast, say some of the state’s fiscal guardians.

“There’s obviously going to be some good news in the forecast,” said state Finance Commissioner Peggy Ingison, who is scheduled to issue the much-anticipated figures at 10:30 a.m. today. “But we need to be prudent financial managers and increase our reserves so we protect ourselves against the potential downturn that could be just around the corner.”

While that might seem prudent on its face, it’s wrong; the “reserve” is the mass of unnecessary spending that clogs the state budget. 

Governor Pawlenty; you need to move to give part of this surplus back to the people who paid it in.  It might be impossible with the spendaholics in control of the Legislature this session. 

All the more reason to try.