Campaign 2026

SCENE:  The headquarters of the Democrat Farmer Labor Party, in Saint Paul. Chair Richard CARLBON is convening a meeting of key Democrat activists, including Tim WALZ, Keith ELLISON, Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK, Avery LIBRELLE, Inge “Lucky” CARROLL, And Evan Micah BRYAN.  

WALZ:  Damn.  This damn fraud damn scandal is damn causing a damn lot of damn trouble. 

CARLBOM:  We’re not on camera, Tim. 

WALZ:  Doh.  I’m a knucklehead.  This fraud scandal is causing a lot of trouble.  

BIRKENSTOCK:   So what do we do?

CARROLL:   Rebrand “finding fraud” as racist?

BRYAN:  We have been doing that.  It’s not working quite like it used to.  

ELLISON:  We can tell the media who’s boss. 

CARROLL:   On it.  

CARLBOM:  No bad ideas, folks.  But I think I’ve got it.  

(The room hushes)

CARLBOM:  We run as the anti-fraud party!

WALZ:  Damn yeah damn we damn tell people damn damn damn damn

(BIRKENSTOCK rises, takes Walz’s hand, leads him from the room)

BRYAN:  You mean, go at all these allegations of seven years of fraud while we controlled the executive branch and most of the Legislature by saying we were always the party that fought fraud. 

CARLBOM:  Yep. 

ELLISON:  But what about the Somalis?

CARLBOM:  Pfffft.   We throw them under the bus.  

LIBRELLE:  Isn’t that a little bit cynical?

CARLBOM:  It’s a lot cynical.  That’s what I do.   We burn one group of immigrants, we bring in another group of migrants.   Palestinians are hot right now.  

(Nods and murmurs of assent around the room)

CARROLL:  Hm.   Kind of Orwellian.   

CARLBOM:  Of course it is.  And it works.  It’s always worked before.  Minnesotans just aren’t that smart.  

(Muted assent around the table)

BRYAN:  People are pretty stupid.  

CARLBOM:  That’s our unofficial motto.  OK.  Make it happen!

and SCENE