The economy is ailing, and probably heading for a long-term double-dip recession.  Unemployment will above nine percent for a long, long time. Government (and government-assumed) pension obligations will soon crush what’s left of the government’s budget. We have terrorists stalking us.  Our political process is broken, controlled by big-government liberals that collude with the media to shape perceptions – and perception is reality!

So let’s focus on what really matters, shall we?

Favre has informed the Vikings he will not return to Minnesota this fall, according to multiple reports.

Favre has sent text messages to teammates saying, “This is it,” league sources told ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter.

Ahem:

SHUT UP!

SHUT THE HELL UP! WHO THE HELL CARES!

This is like the TWENTIETH FARGING TIME Brett Favre has put a market and a sport and its bobbleheaded acolytes and its drooling hangers-on through this – let me take a breath to ensure I stay charitable – BRAIN-DAMAGED STUPID CHARADE.

SHUT UP!  I DON’T CARE!

That is all.

Caught this in the Jamestown newspaper from a couple of weeks ago.

Jamestown’s Bruce Berg scored a hole-in-one at Hillcrest Golf Course on Thursday.

Not bad for being ten days after his seventy-somethingth birthday.

Congrats, Dad!

LeBron who?

Jon Shields in the WSJ on Manute Bol’s “Radical Christianity”:

Bol’s life and death throws into sharp relief the trivialized manner in which sports journalists employ the concept of redemption.

Not just sports “journalists”, really – but we’ll come back to that.

In the world of sports media players are redeemed when they overcome some prior “humiliation” by playing well. Redemption then is deeply connected to personal gain and celebrity. It leads to fatter contracts, shoe endorsements, and adoring women.

Yet as Bol reminds us, the Christian understanding of redemption has always involved lowering and humbling oneself. It leads to suffering and even death.

It is of little surprise, then, that the sort of radical Christianity exemplified by Bol is rarely understood by sports journalists. For all its interest in the intimate details of players’ lives, the media has long been tone deaf to the way devout Christianity profoundly shapes some of them.

It’s not just true in sports, naturally.  The media treats the sort of faith Bol had – he spent his entire NBA fortune building hospitals in the Sudan, and spent his last years raising money through means most people, much less stars, would find humiliating – as a vaguely scary curiosity.

Read the whole thing.

Back in 1960, after the Washingon Senators’ franchise collapsed in the wake of the water-polo-loving Kennedy Administration’s accession to power, the franchise, desperate for a homeland, moved to Minnesota and became the Twins.

Starved for major-league Baseball – which the state had not seen since the fans of the Minneapolis Millers and Saint Paul Saints had been cast forth years earlier – fans flocked to the new team.

But not everyone was happy.

The area had been home to many Milwaukee Brewers (and before that Braves) fans, and even fans of the Chicago Cubs and even the Cleveland Indians.  And they  – especially the Milwaukee franchise – were irate at losing their fan base in the area.

So team owner Bud Zelig told the Brewers fans in Minnesota to flee to Wisconsin, where they would live in Motel Sixes and wait for Wisconsin baseball to return to Minnesota.

The Twins’ management – owner Carl Pohlad, of course, and general manager David Ben Green – told the Brewers’ fans that there was plenty of room in Minnesota for fans of all teams, and while the Twins would love to have them as fans, really, they were free to coexist peacefully with Twins fans in Minnesota.   And it seemed ever-so-briefly that Ben Green’s initiative would work; some moderate Brewers fans suggested maybe it would be possible for the teams to co-exist side by side.  Some even suggested that maybe they should leave the Motel Sixes in Hudson and Prescott, and return to Minnesota – or even just bite the bullet and settle in Wisconsin.

Zelig would have nothing to do with it; to him and his inner coterie, the only acceptable solution was for the Brewers to dominate baseball in Minnesota.  The refugees were of no value to him in Minnesota, and even less in Wisconsin.  So Zelig sent thugs (led by “Brewers In Minnesota Forever” president Chuck Arrowfad, a Brewers zealot and former Richfield, MN linoleum salesman, to track down and pants the “moderate” Brewers fans.  

The rest of them fell into line, spending much of the next fifty years sallying forth from their Motel Sixes to come to Twins games and cause mischief.  They’d throw big cafeteria-size mustard jars from the top deck to the field, to stain the Metrodome’ s astroturf.  When the ‘dome’s security measures got ahead of that, they switched to peeing all over the men’s rooms; the Twins responded by stationing attendants armed with mace in the restrooms.  Next, they started spraypainting “I EM FATT” on Kirby Puckett posters – until Pucket retired. 

Finally, in 2000, the Twins’ director of fan services, Ed Braak, made the Brewers’ fans a controversial offer; if they’d cut the mischief, they’d get their own section in the stands; much of the left-field second deck, and two whole sections on the lower level off the right field line, near the home plate that everyone wanted to see.  It was controversial – “why should we loyal Twins fans give up seats for these louts” asked Ben Nathanson of “Twins Fans United”, a key Twins fan group.

But the Twins were desperate for a resolution to the crisis; they’d spent tens of thousands of dollars cleaning urine and mustard stains over the years.  So they went ahead with it the plan.

And on opening day, 2001, the Brewers fans filed into their special sections – and, as the opening pitch wound up, hundreds of the fans turned, dropped trou and launched a flatulent  “brown cloud” in the direction of the field; the Dome erupted in Chaos.

The Twins’ Fan Investigation Division found links between the disgraceful episode and representatives from the Brewers, Cubs and the Kansas City Royals, and even an emissary from Major League Baseball itself; the stunt had been organized on one of the first, crude “social networking” websites, “Interleague Fart Alliance” – often shortened in conversation to “Interfarta”.  Braak was fired…

…but for the past ten years, that’s been the status quo at the ‘dome and now the new Target Field.  Even with Braak’s departure (and the eventual hiring of Nathanson to replace him in the Fan Relations office), the Brewers fans retained the rights to their sections, where to this day they launch mustard bottles to the field and pee all over the rest room floors; Arrowfad sits in his place of honor and roots for any team the Twins are playing against.

“I have to!”, Arrowfad said in a 2007 interview.  “It’s in our bylaws; our mission is to send the Twins back to DC, or put them out of business”.

Asked what he thought that meant for Twins fans, Arrowfad responded “they should go back to Washington, where they came from!”

“There are no good guys in this story”, opined Rick Richardson, noted baseball blogger from “The Progressive Diamond Watch”. 

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard”, said Nathanson.  “We’ve spent fifty years trying to cater to these people, trying to meet them halfway and even further.  Sure, I’m sorry, we’re not the Brewers, but we have a right to do business and play ball, too!”

Recent public opinion polls show that the Twins enjoy the support of over 95% of respondents.  “Look, the Twins have bent over backwards to accomodate those Brewers fans, consistent with staying in business at all”, said Towanda Murphy, a poll respondent.  “What kind of idiot would ignore that simple historical fact?”

[Mitch adds:  “Seems like common sense to me!”]

Whatever you think about the immigration law, the Arizona Legislature has at least done one bit of unquestionably great work this year.

The planet apparently is slipping off its orbit; CBS put a shot of singer Jennifer Hudson into their post-final-college-hoop-game montage set to the song “One Shining Moment”:

It was at that point, my head sunk into my hands.

My list of analogies for what this felt like for me:

1) As if someone told me Target Field was a mirage and the Twins will be back in the Metrodome for the next 5 years.

2) As if a huge birthday party was planned for me and no one showed up.

3) As if I my team just lost in the NFC Championship game because there were too many men in the huddle.

I’ve got a better one: someone changed a montage.

I think I’ve finally found something more depressing than people who get suicidal over their team choking in the finals.

With all due respect to writer Seth Kaplan – sack up, little camper.  Your heart will go on.

Also in “spring has sprung” news, it’s now Buzkashi season in Afghanistan.

The centuries-old game has been described as “Rugby on horseback with a sheep carcass in stead of a ball”.  It involves hundreds of Afghans on horseback trying to throw a carcass across the finish line, or something.  Buzkashi is among the most violent sports in the world, frequently ending in injured or dead contestants.

In related news, Frank Rich has demanded that House Republicans condemn the violence the Tea Parties have brought to Afghanistan’s national pastime.

In sports news:  you all know nothing fires me up like hockey.

And I just had to comment about this great hit – Jaroslav Spacek smacking  David Booth

That’s gotta hurt.

In related news, Steny Hoyer has demanded that House Republicans repudiate the climate of violence the Tea Parties have brought to hockey.

Brett Favre’s unretirement offers a career lesson…for the rest of us?

Maybe we should all take a leaf out of Brett Favre’s playbook.

Not the last-minute interception: The delayed retirement.

The veteran 40-year-old quarterback just led the Minnesota Vikings to the conference playoffs–and within a whisker of the Superbowl–at an age when most of his peers have either faded to minor teams or hung up their cleats altogether.

Mr. Favre first toyed with retirement two years ago, before choosing to stay in the game. He’s now halfway through a two-year deal with the Vikings and is reconsidering whether to come back next season, following Sunday’s pounding by the New Orleans Saints when he limped off the field with bruises, cuts and a sprained ankle.

But with Brett Favre, who knows?

As a broken-hearted Minnesota Vikings fan…you decide.

D

A – I’m still here

B

D

A

I was going to write a post about yesterday’s game – but I dropped the keyboard.

A commenter (Flash, from Centrisity) left me a  note in yesterday’s post about the game – really about big sports fans – in which I referenced Berg’s Fourth Law, which notes that the more people start to think the Vikings won’t choke, the more likely they will choke.

Generally a team favored to win, and win big, that ends up losing, is a choker…If the club from MN gets spanked, I’d call that a choke, if they lose by anything less then 10 Points, I would be hard pressed to call that a choke.

Which would ordinarily be one of those things you’d decide to settle at Flash’s garage over the summer.

But then, Flash decides to try to deny settled science:

As for Berg’s law, another one bites the dust! The Local Media was on the Bandwagon the instant Favre showed up in Chilly’s SUV, and after 17 games, the remain contenders. Win or Lose, another Faux Berg Law is tossed to the wayside.

Nope.  Indeed, yesterday’s result only reinforces Berg’s Fourth.  The exuberance did seem almost rational; if you leave out the turnovers, the Vikes actually played a better game in terms of offensive stats than the favorite Saints did, which is a little like saying “other than the assassination, Mrs. Lincoln loved the play”. Favre had a good game against a brutal Saints pass rush, shaking off over a dozen hits and leading the team effectively.

But when the blackened redfish chips were down, and the time came to convert that great offensive effort to points to put the Saints away, what happened?  Two Peterson fumbles, one inside the five – and, the biggest buzzkill of all, that last pass, where Favre converted what could have been a simple 5-10 yard dash to set up a decent-percentage field goal that would have ended the game into one of the dumber interceptions I’ve seen since high school, sending the game into an overtime that the Saints would not waste.

One needn’t call that a choke – but if you pick some other word, I’m sure the etymology will eventually reveal it to be a synomym.

At any rate, it was a great run for the ‘queens.  It was one of those rare seasons when I actually paid attention to the NFL after the Bears dropped out of contention (which, after a smokin’ hot start, happened pretty quickly).

But at the end of the day, I end the “Mitch is interested” phase of the season right where I always do…

…by noting that Twins pitchers and catchers report in just about four weeks!

One of the reasons I’m a committed fair-weather fan is that  people like this drive me nuts; in this case, a guy describing the effect of the Vikes’ last big playoff choke had on his “life” (emphasis added):

“Gary Anderson ruined it for us. Laces out man, just blew it,” said Vikings fan Abby Binder.

“I think I was in seventh grade, I remember it pretty vividly. Gary Anderson, he ruined my life,” said John Ayres.

“I was in college, I was in Iowa City, Iowa. I will never forget that day. It was a horrible, horrible day. So I’m looking for redemption tomorrow,” said Mike Stevens.

Ms. Binder and Mr. Stevens:  they are a football team.  Mr. Anderson: get a grip.

The article goes on to note that some of the fans are resorting to superstition…:

To make sure the Vikings clobber the Saints, some fans will count on superstition to get a win.

“I wear my number 40 Kleinsasser jersey for every game,” said Nicole Schellenberg.

“I’m not really a superstitious person, but last weekend against Dallas I did wear my Jared Allen jersey, so I will be sure to have that on tomorrow night,” said Stevens.

…unaware that Berg’s Fourth Law of Media/Sports Inversion replaces superstition with empirical science:

Berg’s Fourth Law of Media/Sports Inversion – The Vikings will be contenders until the moment the local media actually believes they will be contenders. At that moment – be it pre-season or Week 12 – the season will fall irredeemably apart.

With that in mind, everyone sing along with me; they gonna choke.

They’re gonna choke bad.

The Saint Paul Saints – our single-A minor-league team – is doing its best to help the Vikings not choke this coming weekend:

MIDWAY STADIUM, MN (January 21, 2010) – In support of a movement begun by [some lame sportsradio morning show], the minor league baseball team that plays its home games at Midway Stadium will remove the “S” word from both the beginning and end of its name and will be known simply as “The Paul” through Sunday.  The Minnesota Vikings are in the midst of a run to the NFC Championship Game, and The Paul wouldn’t dare utter the name of this week’s opponent.

On Tuesday morning The Paul’s Executive Vice President Tom Whaley appeared on [the aforementioned lame morning show].  Whaley was asked by the trio to become the first in a long line of companies, cities and more to remove the “S” word from their name.  Not only did Whaley agree to support the effort, but he and the club have also decided to incorporate the name change during their 2010 season.

Whaley knows, of course, that given the Vikings’ post-season habits, we’ll all be looking forward to The Paul season sooner than later.

Forget the Palestinians and the Israelis; the White House is embroiled in the biggest no-win diplomatic war of all.

It’s W trying to deftly navigate the whitewater…

The White House on Thursday quickly took away the possibility of Boise State University’s football team joining the national champions Alabama at an honorary Rose Garden ceremony.

Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) — a well known opponent of college football’s Bowl Championship Series (BCS) — sent a letter to President Barack Obama requesting that the undefeated Boise State Broncons join the undefeated University of Alabama Crimson Tide at the ceremony.

But a White House spokesman indicated to The Hill that Boise’s presence at the ceremony is unlikely, but did not rule it out completely.

The reason?  Well, kudos to the President:

“The president has previously articulated his displeasure with the BCS system, but he’s focused on more important things right now,” White House spokesman Adam Abrams said in an e-mail.

Of course, this doesn’t mean there’s not some interest in the recreational equivalent of nation-building:

Obama has criticized the BCS and backed a playoff system in past media appearances but today’s indication shows that he is not quite willing to make a large-scale statement on the issue.

On the other hand, it might be a better use of half of the President’s time:

The president is simultaneously trying to shepherd healthcare reform legislation through Congress before his State of the Union address in a few weeks and help coordinate U.S. disaster relief efforts in Haiti after a massive earthquake struck there this week.

But at the end of the day – if someone gets a “stimulus”, everyone wants a “stimulus”:

The anti-BCS political action committee PlayoffPAC criticized the president for missing an opportunity to “make a statement” against the BCS without spending taxpayer dollars.

“No one’s saying this is a top-tier issue on the President’s agenda, but college football’s off-the-field impact on schools isn’t trivial either,” PlayoffPAC official Matt Sanderson said in an e-mail. “He promised a year ago to ‘throw his weight around,’ but now it looks as if he may pass-up a golden opportunity to make a statement without spending one extra taxpayer minute or dollar. An overwhelming majority of college football fans will be disappointed if the President doesn’t make good on his word.”

Let me make this clear:  WE are at war with people who want to kill us.  We are in a recession that looks like it’s going to be a lot more intractable than even the Jeremiahs have been saying.  So what in the flaming fine feathered flying flapping fowl is the Federal government doing wasting any time on this kind of crap?

If one taxpayer dollar is wasted on this utter non-issue, it should be an excuse for taxpayers around the nation to storm capitals with torches and pitchforks and chase people from office with coats of tar and feathers.

That will be a playoff we can use.

Next up on  our trip around the MOB is Brad Carlson, one of the longer-running blogs in the MOB.

Brad always surprises you.  The first time you meet him, you think he’s one of those mild-mannered, workadaddy/hugamommy conservatives from Ramsey…

…well, OK, he is that.  But he was also one of the mainstays of the Twin Cities’ late, lamented “Protest Warrior” chapter – sharp, funny, friendly.  And he writes a darn good blog.

I liked this piece from last month, about Tiger Woods’ fall from “grace”:

But then I quickly asked myself why I was so taken aback. I mean, I didn’t know Tiger personally. I merely saw the utter phenom who did things on a golf course that had literally never been seen. So from that, how is it I could draw the conclusion that he was a man of integrity, a model citizen if you will? It’s not unlike how I felt when I learned of the secret life of Kirby Puckett. I saw a gifted, jovial athlete on the baseball field but knew of literally nothing that took place in Puckett’s personal life. And that is a life lesson that I have learned the hard way. No matter how genuine and polished a person may appear, we never know what goes on behind closed doors.

Support your local MOB blog.  You never know what you’ll be running into!

Ah, the sweet taste of scandal

Between the unseemingly confluence of money and collegiate athletics and the ungangly Bowl Championship Series, the potential for abuse and scandal often seemed to lurk just below the surface.

Enter the Arizona Republic and allegations that employees of the Fiesta Bowl were reimbursed for campaign contributions to local politicians whose votes could influence contracts related to the bowl game.  Some $38,000 were contributed to Arizona pols over the past decade from current and former Fiesta Bowl employees – hardly a massive sum either in sports or politics.  But the scandal has managed to renew talk of a college football playoff series from some high-profile politicos with too much time on their hands:

My neighbor and commenter PeterH has been asking in the comment section why conservatives aren’t out rallying against the proposals to subsidize a possible new Vikings stadium.

There are conservatives who make valid cases against stadium subsidies – my NARN colleague King Banaian has written on the subject on an academic level, to say nothing of blogging – and for it (this’d be Katie Kieffer).

For the record,I oppose on princple most government subsidy of anything – not just billionaires’ businesses, but of extended poverty as well.  But I digress.

Without trying to control for political sympathies, let’s find out what the readers of this blog think:

Evidently Adrian Peterson fears Brad Childress more than the Edina Police Department having been clocked on his way to practice at 109 MPH in his Purple BMW 7-Series [Ugh!-JR] on the Crosstown Highway 62.

Minnesota Vikings All-Pro running back Adrian Peterson – or “Purple Jesus” as he’s known to Vikings fans

[sound of record scratching fading to tires screeching]

“Purple Jesus”  ?

– is one of the fastest men in the NFL. Turns out, he’s also one of the fastest men on a certain suburban Minnesota freeway, where police clocked him and his (model unknown) BMW going 109 mph in a 55 mph zone.

I’ve watched or listened to most of every Vikings game this season and haven’t once…not once…heard the moniker “Purple Jesus” let alone heard it applied to Adrian Peterson.

Have you?

Riddle me this:

What Would Jesus Do if he was late to practice?

Would he even need to practice?

Would Jesus be a first-round draft choice?

Would he have to wear a helmet?

Would he drive a BMW?

All crucial questions for our time, indeed.

In any case, sounds like our “Purple Jesus” will need to get a ride from Steve Hutchinson from now on.

The basketball program at Minneapolis Community and Technical College is on the chopping block.

The program has grown from a run-of-the-mill junior college program into a national powerhouse among two-year colleges, under the leadership of coach Jay Pivec.  He’s got plenty of experience turning obscure colleges into basketball powers; if memory serves, he came to MCTC in ’89 or ’90 from (I hope I remember this correctly) Havre, Montana – whose college he also took to the bigs.  And before that, he coached my alma mater, Jamestown, turning it’s hoops program into an improbable success.  Jay also coached my one phy-ed class – Tennis, I think – where our only real subject in common was Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes.  We have more in common now, of course; his wife, MLP, writes the excellent blog  Casual Sundays with Mr. Curry; his sister-in-law, Katie McCollow, ran the late, lamented Yucky Salad With Bones.

At any rate – MCTC’s basketball program is to college hoops what junior/community college is supposed to be for college; a place for students who are late bloomers or who slipped off “the rails” in high school to get their act together and move on to “regular” college, or at least down some path with a better education.  Unlike so much in public education, MCTC’s program (actually programs – the women’s program does the same thing), it works:

Most MCTC players lacked grades or money. Some of the players live at home to save money; some have kids of their own. Lindahl said he holds practice between 6 and 8 a.m. because he knows his players have other responsibilities, and Pivec and Gates are widely known for salvaging the careers, if not lives, of at-risk players…Last year, the men’s coaches helped Cortez Wallace land a scholarship at Western Missouri. Pivec and Gates found Wallace, who dropped out of high school in the 10th grade, playing AAU ball. They pushed him to get his GED, recruited him and gave him a future.

“Coach Gates and coach Piv have done so much for me, helped me get jobs, helped me get work-study,” said women’s player Natalye Horne. “Coach Piv and coach Gates especially treat me like a second daughter. This program is like a family, and now they’re breaking it up.”

Guard Sondra Jones said: “For a lot of people, this is a stepping stone to something bigger. But the administration looks at this as an option instead of a priority.”

Freshman point guard Freddie Burton could have left the program once he found it was doomed but said, “I’ll just try my luck here. I like the program. I really don’t know what I’m going to do next year.

“Damn that Pawlenty and his LGA cuts!”

Well, no – it was a fairly capricious-looking decision by the MCTC student senate – the DFLers of tomorrow:

Last year, the school’s Student Senate and Student Life Budget Committee decided that basketball was not a high priority, and school President Phil Davis accepted the recommendation to withdraw funding for the program. That silly process — letting students who will spend a maximum of two years on campus decide the fate of a traditionally powerful program run by two dedicated lifelong coaches — leaves the Mavericks renowned yet doomed.

The crazy part? The program is excellence on the cheap:

While some players are circulating petitions to fund the programs, Davis has made it clear that the program would have to be financially independent, requiring $118,000 a year.

$118K?

There are Twin Cities’ corporations for whom 118 large is a week’s philanthropic giving.  Given the amount of money society as whole saves – I’m saying this with absolutely no intention to condescend – on future social costs for the people the program turns around – it’s a bargain.

There are Timberwolves players with $118,000 under the seat cushions in their Bentleys.

You’re going to tell me someone out there can’t cover that?

WELCOME “MERCURY RISING” “READER”(S):  Wow. “Phoenix” is still yapping about this?  Sheesh.  Even for an anonymous gutless leftyblogger, “she” is a dim little specimen, isn’t she?

Let me give you a little background, so you know know something – which is more than “Phoenix” can ever say:  In radio, you always plug the show after yours.  Hell, if “Phoenix” and “Avidor” (heh heh) bought time after my show, I’d give them a plug – and they’re “both” idiots!   Because that’s what you do when you do radio.

“Phoenix” thinks this is evidence of a “close tie between Bradlee Dean and the GOP”.  I have faith enough in people to know that most of you know that correlation doesn’t equal causation.

Hey, tell “Phoenix” I said I!  And tell her to go easy on the “thuddingly stupd”, or “she” might run out!

———-

Today, the Northern Alliance Radio Network brings you the best in Minnesota conservatism from 9AM-3PM.

• Volume I “The First Team” –  Brian and John or some combination thereof kick off from 11-1.
• Volume II “The Headliner” – Ed and I are up from 1-3.  And it’s gonna be a huge show; we’ll have Bradlee Dean from the “Sons of Liberty” broadcast (3-5PM Saturdays on AM1280) to talk about their gala dinner with Michele Bachmann, coming up in the next week!  Then, Paul Scofield joins us – he’s the token conservative running for the Hopkins school board (and lordy, do they need him!).  Then we’ll be talking with Kyle McNary, author of Pitch Black, about Negro League baseball in the upper midwest.  You heard that right!
• The King Banaian Show! – That’s right, KB is back, doing the economic voodoo he do, Saturday mornings from 9-11 on AM1570, Business Radio for the Twin Cities!  We’re broadening the franchise; two stations, now!
• And don’t forget, our long-time colleagues David Strom and Margaret Martin lead things off on the David Strom Show from 9-11AM!

(All times Central)

So tune in to all six hours of the Northern Alliance Radio Network, the Twin Cities’ media’s sole guardians of sanity. You have so many options:

• AM1280 in the Metro
• streaming at AM1280’s Website,
• On Twitter (the Volume 2 show will use hashtag #narn2)
• UStream video and chat (at HotAir.com or at UStream).
• Podcast at Townhall, usually by Monday
• Good ol’ telephone – 651-289-4488!

Join us!

Bear walks into liquor store, falls asleep in the beer cooler:

The bear stopped Friday night at Marketplace Foods in Hayward, about 140 miles northeast of Minneapolis, sauntering through the automatic doors and heading straight for the liquor department.

It calmly climbed up 12 feet onto a shelf in the beer cooler where it sat for about an hour while employees helped evacuate customers and summoned wildlife officials.

Officials from the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources tranquilized the animal and took it out of the store.

So far, it’s almost like when Pack fans come to the dome – the “getting tranquilized and led out” bit, anyway.

But there’s evidence it wasn’t a Wisconsin bear after all:

Store workers say the bear seemed content in the cooler and did not consume any alcohol.

Also didn’t curse Brett Favre.

Does being an Ivy-Leaguer endow one with an intellectual reach that exceeds one’s grasp?

Case in point, the storied chaps at Harvard bet their billions that they were smarter than the market: Wrong

Harvard University’s failed bet that interest rates would rise cost the world’s richest school at least $500 million in payments to escape derivatives that backfired.

Further, Barack Obama bet that his Harvard-acquired education and billions in taxpayer dollars “invested” under the guise of economic stimulus would be enough to lead a nation and create millions of new jobs: Unsurprisingly, wrong.

Data published Thursday showed contracts from the $787 billion economic stimulus created or saved 30,083 jobs…

And finally the highly respected Harvard graduate Matt Birk, who many thought would finish his NFL career with the Minnesota Vikings, left in favor of a substantially similar offer from the Baltimore Ravens earlier this year. Birk ostensibly bet his chances of winning the Super Bowl would be greater in Baltimore: Surprisingly, wrong.

MINNEAPOLIS – As Steve Hauschka’s potential game-winning kick sailed wide left, nearly all of the Ravens on the sideline dropped their heads in unison, feeling another last-minute punch in the gut in a season that continues to veer off course.

It just goes to show a Harvard education is no guarantee of success. In the now legendary words of Forest Gump’s momma: “stupid is as stupid does.”

Berg’s Fourth Law of Media/Sports Inversion says:

The Vikings will be contenders until the moment the local media actually believes they will be contenders. At that moment – be it pre-season or Week 12 – the season will fall irredeemably apart.

I probably wrote that during one of the Twins’ “rebuilding” seasons.  It probably accounts for them, too.

A month ago, the local sports media were writing the Twins off; I thought “Hm.  Berg’s Fourth Law rarely lets us down”.

So will it affect the playoffs (and I say that knowing that it sounds like I’m saying “it’s all about me and my little aphorism”, which isn’t…well, yes, it is my intent)?

The local media may be catching on; at least a few of them seem to be working to injecting some sobriety into the proceedings:

The Twins went 0-7 against the Yankees this year, and they are 5-26 against the Yankees in New York under Gardenhire, counting the postseason.

But…

Of course, the Twins haven’t faced the Yankees in three months, and they will enter this series riding a 17-4 streak.

“We can play with anybody; we’re playing pretty good baseball,” Gardenhire said. “We’re not afraid, I can guarantee you that.”

We’ll keep our fingers crossed.

…but, uh, yeah – Go Twins!