SCENE: MItch BERG is ordering an omelette at a local diner. Too late, he notices Avery LIBRELLE entering the building. There is no graceful exit.
LIBRELLE: Merg!
BERG: Er, hello, Av…
LIBRELLE: Shut up. The shooting in Minneapolis yesterday proved that “thoughts and prayers” aren’t enough. They were literally praying…
BERG: So it’s time to doooooooooooo something?
LIBRELLE: Why the tone of mockery? I’m serious. It’s time to…well, it’s time for action!
BERG: Any action?
LIBRELLE: Anything that works!
BERG: Great. So the state’s “red flag law” didn’t work, because for some reason nobody called the authorities about an apparently transgender person saying crazy things.
LIBRELLE: Heyyyyyy
BERG: And to ban guns you’ll have to repeal the Second Amendment…
LIBRELLE: Which we can dooooooo!
BERG: You can’t. You’ll need 2/3 of Congress – you might get 35%, once. And if for sake of argument you do, then yo’ll need 38 states. You might get 10, one time. So that’s not happening.
LIBRELLE: OK, wise guy, what do you have?
BERG: Something that been 100% effective so far in preventing school shootings.
LIBRELLE: Oooh, Go for it. I’m all ears.
BERG: It’s a policy used in 1,000 school districts nationwide. And in 25 years, there’ve been zero shootings at any of them, during school hours, on school property.
LIBRELLE: Let me guess- religious and home schools?
BERG: I said districts. Public. schools.
LIBRELLE: OK. So far so good. .
BERG: Not a single child harmed. That’s what we’re going for, right?
LIBRELLE: Right. Must be some really progressive policy!
BERG: They’ve rejected the “gun free zone” label. They allow staff to carry their own firearms. Some of them require training, others don’t’, but the point is, anyone thinking about shooting up a school has to reckon with the fact that any teacher, any principal, any janitor, any lunch lady can end them.
LIBRELLE: That’s horrible!
BERG: Why?
LIBRELLE: More guns ocn’t fix the problem.
BERG: First – it’s not “more guns”. It’s the possibility of any gun. And if “no school shootings” is your goal, then that seems to have hit the spot, doesn’t it?
LIBRELLE: That…just…
BERG: VIolates your sense of moral aesthetics?
But steam is coming out of Librelle’s ears.
And Scene.