Where Have You Gone, Learned Foot…
By Mitch Berg
…turns out you were just too far ahead of your time.
Collecting old Kool-Aid packets is big money:
While there’s no real quantifiable way to know just how big this particular community is, the best place to pulse-check their vitality is eBay. A quick search for “Kool-Aid packet” seemed to signal the market is alive and well, returning over 250 active listings, some of which were going for triple-digit asking prices: $400 for a still- sealed case of Pink Swimmingo, $225 for a single packet of Yabba-Dabba-Doo Berry, and $195 for a single packet of one of Kool-Aid’s most beloved flavor mascots, Purplesaurus Rex, just to name a few. A search for recently completed eBay auctions showed a display of 1960s Grape packets being sold for $250 and a single packet of Rock-A-Dile Red closing out at $125. The good stuff don’t come cheap, my friends.
There has simply got to be a way to turn this into a glorious troll of obnoxious foodies.
June 13th, 2019 at 12:52 pm
I like how the guy hawking the stuff produces reviews of the color and flavor that remind one of little less than oinophiles praising the most popular vintages. Ugh. Drank a lot of the stuff as a kid, probably one of the reasons I’m taking Metformin today.
June 13th, 2019 at 4:02 pm
I need a drink after reading this, so I can forget I ever read such idiocy that belongs in the Onion or Babylon Bee, not real news.
June 13th, 2019 at 9:50 pm
Why did they never make one called ghetto purple drank?
June 14th, 2019 at 1:27 am
I could make millions if I could figure out the next boomer obsession. The problem is they are all so random & defy common sense. You would think that they would be into gold coins and bullion — security in old age when you can’t trust your kids to watch your money for you — but nope, it’s ancient packets of unused koolaid. Maybe I should go long on coffins equipped with wifi?
June 14th, 2019 at 5:54 am
I’m still here!!!
June 14th, 2019 at 9:05 am
Holy shit a blast from the past. Now we definitely need to do a MOB party this summer or fall and get the old gang back together.
June 14th, 2019 at 9:13 am
I’ve got a great idea for the next Survivor-type show: drop a bunch of those lumber-sexuals in a real logging camp w/o wifi.
June 14th, 2019 at 10:53 am
Yo, Foot, maybe a photoshop of Ryan putting out Kool-Aid packets would be a good way to revive your site, like you did when the Post Office wanted to do a commemorative stamp for irritable bowel syndrome.
June 14th, 2019 at 11:37 am
Ah yes, the IBS commemorative stamp. Unfortunately that little work of genius was created by a highly talented photoshopper who now has a political career and would probably rather not be associated with it.
June 15th, 2019 at 7:29 am
Boys, please tell me you ain’t making Dirty Mushroom references. Because it took me years to get that horror out of my head.