Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:
My Fellow Americans,
I’m pleased to announce a major foreign policy accomplishment. There will be peace in Iraq for the first time this century. By this time next year, there will be no American troops in Iraq.
Americans went into Iraq because our intelligence agencies assured us Saddam Hussein as stockpiling nuclear material to use against us. The invasion was a preemptive strike, but it was self-defense, fully justified by the evidence known at the time.
We stayed in Iraq to repair the damage we had done, to rebuilt roads and bridges and schools, to protect innocent Iraqis from opportunistic neighbors and militant troublemakers. America is not an imperialist nation. We don’t conquer territory. We don’t occupy it longer than we must.
Iraq is now a fully functioning liberal democracy, with an elected parliament and civil liberties assured by its government. They no longer need us to hold their hand. The’re ready to take their place on the world stage as a proud nation.
I’m ordering all US military forces in Iraq to submit plans to withdraw from Iraqi territory no later than December 31st.
Some may say our withdrawal is premature, there are still militants, terrorists, neighbors, troublemakers. But there always will be. Iraq’s troubles are not our troubles. The territorial, religious and cultural causes of conflict go back millennia. An American president can no more solve them than he can order the seas not to rise. The best he can do is get out of the way so the people involved in the conflict – Shia and Sunni, Kurds and Persians, Christians and Muslims – can solve their own problems.
Therefore, I declare to you: the war is over, and we won. My strongest congratulations go out to every man and woman who served: you made the world a better place. I’m proud of you all.
Thank you, may God always bless America, and good night.