Conundrum
By Mitch Berg
SCENE: Mitch BERG is walking out of the Riverview Theater in south Minneapolis. Surrounded by hipsters and hippies as far as the eye can see, he tacitly wonders what the hell all these pretenders have done with his old neighborhood.
As BERG approaches the door, Avery LIBRELLE walks in, early for the next showing of “Antifa: The Musical”.
LIBRELLE: Merg!
BERG: Er, hey, Avery. What’s…
LIBRELLE: Linnae Tweeden danced like a slut.
BERG: Er, yeah. And…?
LIBRELLE: She was a cheesecale pinup girl.
BERG: So…?
LIBRELLE: She kissed other men and patted their backsides.
BERG: And so…?
LIBRELLE: So Al Franken didn’t do anything wrong in that photo.
BERG: Even though he admitted to it himself.
LIBRELLE: Senator Franken, peace be upon him, has no more control over his utterances than he has over what his hands do in the presence of a scantily-dressed wanton slut.
BERG: Wait, wait, wait – so if a random guy at the office were to say “that woman is dressed provocatively, so I’m going to go grope her…”
LIBRELLE: It’s sexual assault. The moral equivalent of rape.
BERG: But if Al Franken does it…
LIBRELLE: She’s a slut who provoked the lusts of his innocent victim, Al Franken.
BERG: So… (searches for words)
LIBRELLE: Also, she’s a Republican.
BERG: So that makes it OK.
LIBRELLE: I’m not saying it’s OK…
BERG: Oh, OK. Thank goodness…
LIBRELLE: But it’s OK.
BERG: OK. We’re getting somewhere. So – men in general look with any lust in their heart upon a woman, no matter how she’s dressed…?
LIBRELLE: Rapists who should be chemically neutered.
BERG: Al Franken, who touched a woman in a leering provocative manner with out consent?
LIBRELLE: Helpless before the wiles of a fallen Republican siren.
BERG: Er…
LIBRELLE: Hey, Merg – is the popcorn vegan?
BERG: Only the buttered kind.
LIBRELLE: Really?
BERG: Absolutely.
(BERG continues out down the street to his car, shaking his head)
And SCENE
November 29th, 2017 at 12:49 pm
Heh. Very good. I look forward to the responses from Penigma et al who attempt to (re-)polish every little turd given above.
November 29th, 2017 at 1:26 pm
Mitch, what I want to know is what the heck were you doing patronizing “Antifa: The Musical”?
November 29th, 2017 at 2:09 pm
Probably along the same lines as “The Producers”.
November 29th, 2017 at 4:11 pm
The producer of “Antifa: The Musical” is interested in doing a similar treatment for the Trulbrt movie.
November 29th, 2017 at 7:45 pm
At some plays, they warn you about gunshots or smoke.
For this one, they warn you about the urine throwing scene.
November 29th, 2017 at 7:54 pm
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November 30th, 2017 at 11:18 am
Joe you remind me of a Blue Man Group show in Vegas where they had a “poncho section” so folks seated there didn’t get soiled during the show.