Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:
This woman is upset that a man didn’t help her lift her bag into the overhead compartment. Is chivalry dead?
Well, honey, it’s like this: a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle, right? If he offered to help, that would mean he’s assuming you can’t do it alone, that you’re not as Good as a Man. That’s sexism and like all modern sensitive men, he abhors the thought of doing anything sexist. A committed feminist, he’s standing there letting you be the strong and independent woman you are, lifting your own bag. Sure, you helped another woman later, but that’s Grrrl Power and it’s okay because no men were involved so no female egos were bruised in the process.
Or possibly, he’s thinking this might be a teachable moment. Everybody on that 6:00 a.m. flight is a business-person Just Like You. They all packed their own bags. They all shlepped their own bags aboard. They all lifted their own bags. The difference is: they put some thought into what they were packing. They didn’t cram everything in their entire wardrobe into that bag. They can lift theirs without help. Perhaps he’s standing aside to give you the opportunity to make a life-changing discovery about yourself . . . that you need to organize your life better, plan ahead farther, pack less so you can lift your own bag without doing an Olympic event. Could be he’s using Tough Love to help you to help yourself. A bag-lifter is an enabler. A bystander creates the opportunity for life-style changing. Should you be sneering at a person who’s trying to help?
Or maybe, just maybe, it’s Not About You. Maybe he’s got problems of his own, just as you have problems of your own. He’s dealing with his. You deal with yours. As equals. Powerfully. Independently. Alone.
Joe Doakes
A woman needs a man like a fish needs carry-on baggage.
JD; Nice! I can relate, because during my business trips, I have met many women that literally pack the equivalent of an old steamer trunk for a two day trip, then try to cram it into the overhead. Not to mention their purse and briefcase/computer bag/backpack.
Thanks, Boss. I tried to teach that lesson when we took the kids to Disneyworld. My teenage daughter brought a separate bag . . . for shoes! I refused to help: you packed it, you haul it. Her brother offered to act as sherpa for $10. She made it halfway through the airport before she hired him. We still laugh at the family photo album.
Feminist Rules for Men to Help Women, Vol. 1:
1. If she does not ask for help, he is forbidden to offer help as that would imply she is not a strong and independent woman, a deadly insult to her.
2. If she asks for help, he must give it, not because she needs help in the sense of being weak, but as reparation for historical societal sexism. She might smile and say Thank You but that’s not technically required of her since helping a woman upon demand is part of his duty to atone for being a man.
3. Handsome men and Bad Boys may make eye contact with and suggestive remarks to an attractive woman; lesser men may not, as that implies losers think they’re in her league, a deadly insult to her hotness aka sexual harassment.
4. Failure to comply with these rules will result in an escalating course of progressive discipline and social ostracism ranging from glares, sniffing and sarcastic remarks to mandatory sensitivity training by HR.
Far as I can tell, the guy acted strictly in compliance with the rules. Why is he in the doghouse?
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When I travel via air, I am, for reasons known only to God, extremely anxious to get the plane in the air and get to my destination. For that reason, I believe that any action that gets gear stowed, passengers buckled in their seats and wheels up a quickly as possible is a beneficial action.
If another passenger, be it man or woman (or any of the roughly 50 different permutations of gender as allowed by Facebook) is struggling with their items: Be it luggage, or a $14 salad from the terminal food court, or a baby, or a steamer trunk filled with feminine sexual aids; I offer assistance (“may I help you with that?” – as I grab the item from them). There is absolutely no chivalry involved on my part, I am just impatient and I want to get under way. In the years I have been doing this, I have never had someone tell me not to help them.
I suppose when people like the author find out that I help women not out of any code but rather impatience, I will be pointed out for the ‘two-minutes-hate’ I so richly deserve.
Good points. Seflores;
A couple of years ago, I was heading to a meeting downtown with a client. The wind was whipping up through the corridors between the buildings and I approached the entrance I noticed that several people struggled opening the door. Noticing a woman behind me, I moved to ope the door for her. Her response; “Do I look like I’m physically incapable of opening that door?!” I walked through and turned to watch her drop her coffee while she struggled with it. As she got through the door, I said, “Sorry, ma’m! I underestimated you!” Then walked away.
Chivalry is something my late father taught me many years ago, I do try to practice it as much as I can. I think in some ways I do it to please myself as much as the ladies.
“reparation for historical societal sexism” That’ll likely be my biggest laugh of the day, thanks nate!!
Regarding people hitting on her, I’m reminded of a picture of a buxom young lady that Powerline posted–more or less her version of modesty was that her nipples were covered–with the caption “why doesn’t anyone look at my face?”
And regarding helping with a bag, well, YOU try to get into that crowded aisle to offer a hand while everyone is trying to board! I offer if someone is obviously having trouble, but otherwise, I simply try to keep out of the way for reasons I’d have hoped were obvious.
Agree with bikebubba, I’ll usually try to help someone if I can but if I don’t it’s usually because circumstances make it more likely that I’ll be more of a hindrance than help and not some meta-social commentary on generation relations.
Bikebubba wrote: I’m reminded of a picture of a buxom young lady that Powerline posted–more or less her version of modesty was that her nipples were covered–with the caption “why doesn’t anyone look at my face?””
Link, please.
Can’t find the Powerline version but this is the photo, PM.
http://www.demotivation.us/newest/dear-diary-1285549.html
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Regarding the tendency to pack too much, I remember flying to LA a couple of decades back and commenting to the young lady who sat by me that someone was going to try to get a VW bug into the overhead compartment one of these days.
Yes, that is the picture. And it’s obvious why no one is making eye contact with her. Her eyes are shut. Duh.
Well, my goodness. The young woman in the photo has obviously spent considerable time working on her hair and makeup. I wonder why?