I was standing at the bar at Keegans with Mr. D, Speed Gibson, Night Writer and some stranger I’d never met, a few weeks ago.

D said “Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

We all groaned in agony.

Speed followed up: “Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot ’round the world.”

There were face-palms all around – except for the stranger, who seemed to be getting a little agitated.

Not to be outdone, Night spoke up next: ”  Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication”

We all theatrically slapped at Night – except for the stranger, who visibly seethed with rage.

Terry Keegan walked up behind the bar.  “Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.”

We all rubbed our foreheads in mock pain – except for the stranger, whose face turned red, with flecks of spittle forming around his lips.

It was my turn: “A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,  the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?”  they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Everyone theatrically held their stomachs in mock agony – except for the stranger.  The man – in his mid to late sixties, sallow, wearing a U of M sweater – took a step back, bellowed something nonsensical, and pulled a large knife from his back pocket.

I kicked him hard in the groin.  One of the others – D, Speed or Night, can’t remember which – took a snap-kick at the hand with the knife, which flew up in the air.  Keegan caught it, pommel-side down, like you’re supposed to catch flying knives.  We grabbed the man and held him for the police.

Which just goes to show you should never bring a knife to a pun fight.