Put Me In Coach!
By Johnny Roosh
Michael Moore is pledging to whip Obama and Democrats in Congress into shape – liberal shape – if he is named the next White House chief of staff. And Moore vows to sleep in the White House basement and work for $1 per year if the president hires him.
“Now, don’t get too giddy with excitement over my offer, because you and I are going to be up at 5 in the morning, 7 days a week and I am going to get you pumped up for battle every single day,” Moore writes in a letter posted on his Web site that he said was sent to Obama. “Each morning you and I will do 100 jumping jacks and you will repeat after me: “THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ELECTED ME, NOT THE REPUBLICANS, TO RUN THE COUNTRY! I AM IN CHARGE! I WILL ORDER ALL OBSTRUCTIONISTS OUTTA MY WAY! IF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DON’T LIKE WHAT I’M DOING THEY CAN THROW MY ASS OUT IN 2012. IN THE MEANTIME, I CALL THE SHOTS ON THEIR BEHALF! NOW, CONGRESS, DROP AND GIVE ME 50!!”
Okay, put aside for a moment the unrestrained use of all-caps…and the call for a dictatorship…before Michael Moore orders congress to do 100 jumping jacks and 50 push ups, I’d like to see Michael Moore do…just one…of either.
Just one.
One floppy man-boobs jumping jack.
“With or without Michael Moore, Democrats are in for a rude awakening in November”
…but with Michael Moore they’d be in for a rude awakening when they find two years’ worth of chicken wing bones and empty Snack Pack Pudding cups in the basement of the White House.
March 9th, 2010 at 10:43 am
No doubt Congress would fall right in line. No one wants to be confronted in the shower by a naked Michael Moore.
The horror, the horror….
March 9th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
He will put the Democrats into “liberal shape” — listening to him will destroy the last few brain cells they have and put them into the same intellectual shape that Moore is in physically.
March 9th, 2010 at 6:01 pm
the mind reels. If only we had that alternative reality. I would love to see just how many mornings he got up at 5am for some jumping jacks. So a chief of staff who has no concept of separation of powers or how government works. What could possibly go wrong?
March 9th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
If the thought of Rahm Emmanuel naked in the shower room of the congressional-gym locker room gives you the creeps, imagine Michael Moore there poking congressmen (in the chest with his finger).
March 9th, 2010 at 8:58 pm
The all-caps are appropriate, since one would usually yell while doing calisthenics.
The person leading a workout should be able to do it, though.
March 10th, 2010 at 12:33 pm
But the call for dictatorship is right up your Liberal Fascist alley, eh stooj.
March 10th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
No, it’s not. I haven’t cared about what Michael Moore says since I was a sophomore in college.
March 10th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Well, you care enough about him to come to his defense in this instance. 😉
March 11th, 2010 at 5:26 pm
I was defending internet writing convention, not the substance of what he wrote.
March 16th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
You cared enough to comment, once again.