Put Me In Coach!

Michael Moore is pledging to whip Obama and Democrats in Congress into shape – liberal shape – if he is named the next White House chief of staff. And Moore vows to sleep in the White House basement and work for $1 per year if the president hires him.

“Now, don’t get too giddy with excitement over my offer, because you and I are going to be up at 5 in the morning, 7 days a week and I am going to get you pumped up for battle every single day,” Moore writes in a letter posted on his Web site that he said was sent to Obama. “Each morning you and I will do 100 jumping jacks and you will repeat after me: “THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ELECTED ME, NOT THE REPUBLICANS, TO RUN THE COUNTRY! I AM IN CHARGE! I WILL ORDER ALL OBSTRUCTIONISTS OUTTA MY WAY! IF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DON’T LIKE WHAT I’M DOING THEY CAN THROW MY ASS OUT IN 2012. IN THE MEANTIME, I CALL THE SHOTS ON THEIR BEHALF! NOW, CONGRESS, DROP AND GIVE ME 50!!”

Okay, put aside for a moment the unrestrained use of all-caps…and the call for a dictatorship…before Michael Moore orders congress to do 100 jumping jacks and 50 push ups, I’d like to see Michael Moore do…just one…of either.

Just one.

One floppy man-boobs jumping jack.

“With or without Michael Moore, Democrats are in for a rude awakening in November”

…but with Michael Moore they’d be in for a rude awakening when they find two years’ worth of chicken wing bones and empty Snack Pack Pudding cups in the basement of the White House.

10 thoughts on “Put Me In Coach!

  1. No doubt Congress would fall right in line. No one wants to be confronted in the shower by a naked Michael Moore.

    The horror, the horror….

  2. He will put the Democrats into “liberal shape” — listening to him will destroy the last few brain cells they have and put them into the same intellectual shape that Moore is in physically.

  3. the mind reels. If only we had that alternative reality. I would love to see just how many mornings he got up at 5am for some jumping jacks. So a chief of staff who has no concept of separation of powers or how government works. What could possibly go wrong?

  4. If the thought of Rahm Emmanuel naked in the shower room of the congressional-gym locker room gives you the creeps, imagine Michael Moore there poking congressmen (in the chest with his finger).

  5. The all-caps are appropriate, since one would usually yell while doing calisthenics.

    The person leading a workout should be able to do it, though.

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