SCENE: Mitch BERG is walking, sans ceremonial mask, into the Target on University Avenue, trying to calculate the number of people without masks in mandate-free, Karen-rich Saint Paul. Focused on numbers, he doesn’t notice as Avery LIBRELLE, wearing three masks, walks around the corner.


BERG: Oh, ssssshhhhhhhhut the front door, how ya been, Avery?

LIBRELLE: Nobody is coming for your guns.

BERG: Democrats nationwide, including in Minnesota, are trying to.

LIBRELLE: Are they at your door taking your guns right this minute?

BERG: Er, no

LIBRELLE: So they’re not coming for your guns.

BERG: So if they’re not coming for my guns in five minutes, but not literally carting off my gun safe right at this moment…

LIBRELLE: Then you’ve got nothing to complain about.

BERG: Huh.

LIBRELLE: But the whole “Second Amendment” thing is just a conspiracy to sell more guns and ammo. It’s to profit from fear.

BERG: Huh. So the firearms and ammo industries staged “gun control” panic to improve their market.

LIBRELLE: Exactly!

BERG: So if that were the case, wouldn’t the firearms and ammunition industries have made sure they were ready to supply the immense demand?

(But LIBRELLE has already wandered off to badger someone who’s not wearing a mask.

11 thoughts on “Conspiracy!

  1. RE: /Increase in gun, ammo sales leads to low inventory/ ~ MSN

    In light of recent polling that suggests a sizable number of voters believe their candidate or cause is worth defending with force regardless of result, it’s not difficult to see where this leads in 2024, if not sooner.

  2. Gesh, try finding 20 gauge target loads.

    I tried Cabellas in Owatoona…..nothing.

    A buddy said, “try Iowa, you can’t find anything in Minnesota.”

    So I called a gun shop in Mason City. Hey, the guy even put me on hold so he could check the shelves….nothing.

    20 gauge target loads….really????

  3. My buddy and his wife are selling their home (they live closer to Como Lake, prices are insane, he’s going to make a mint). They’re downsizing to single-level living, giving up about half their total floorspace. They’re shedding possessions: garage sale, Goodwill, “gifting” the kids. He said his wife looked at the shelves in his gun area and asked, “We won’t have room for all that, what are you going to with it?”

    I’m rubbing my hands and chortling with glee, in anticipation of his ‘Everything Must Go sale.’

  4. Well, these things happen, you know. It would be wrong of me to criticize the values and practices of persons of a different culture.

    I’ve been informed by an unimpeachable source that the boy’s sister will grow up to engage in knife fights when she’s a teenager, just part of her culture, nothing the police need to be involved in, certainly no reason to shoot anybody. Maybe leaving the kids in the car th play with a loaded gun is similar?

    Plus, the statistics on young Black men dying from Black-on-Black violence are staggering so maybe it was only a matter of time before he was shot dead? Hard to say and certainly not for me to impose my values on his family.

    I’m not clear why you mentioned it in a post about gun grabbers. They’re after guns owned by Old White Men, not by Blacks or Women. What was your point?

  5. Lawyer Joe wrote:
    “I’ve been informed by an unimpeachable source that the boy’s sister will grow up to engage in knife fights when she’s a teenager, just part of her culture,”

    I believe the correct term is “knife-play”.

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