With Apologies To David Letterman (Back When He Was Funny)
By Mitch Berg
The Top Ten Things you Never, Ever Hear in Real Life.
10. “Hey, hand me that piano”.
9. “Gosh, the Star Tribune does a great job of balanced coverage on divisive issues”
8. “You know what I could use right now? A plate of “Scrod” from Embers”
7. “The fact that the Vikings, T-Wolves, Wild and usually the Twins disappoint me terribly is a sign that my priorities in life are terribliy out of whack”.
6. “See how much clearer and more fluid writing is when you arbitrarily and mindlessly adhere to the ‘Oxford Comma?'”
5. “The ‘zipper merge’ has made my life better”
4. “I got a call back from Alice Hausman’s office!”s
3. “That Mike McNeil on AM950 is appointment listening for me!”
2. “I always feel healthy and safe riding the Green Line after 6PM!”
And the #1 thing you never, ever hear in real life:
Number 1: “Oh, good. Al Sharpton is in town. Our racial divide and social crisis is going to get better”.
March 29th, 2021 at 8:17 am
Mayor Frey to Minneapolis City Council:
“Thank God! Sharpton is here! I thought we were going to have to be the ones to bring the rope.”
March 29th, 2021 at 8:56 am
No apologies necessary, Letterman was never funny.
March 29th, 2021 at 9:01 am
re. #9, why is that little weasel Glen Taylor still allowed to call himself a Republican?
March 29th, 2021 at 9:16 am
greg
Glen Talor bought the strib primarily to be a PR firm for his sports franchises, he doesn’t care what else they publish as long as they put eyeballs on his franchises.
March 29th, 2021 at 9:31 am
PB, isn’t that the very definition of a weasel?
“Hell, who cares if they destroy a city, it’s what they can do for me and the Wolves.”
March 29th, 2021 at 9:38 am
I believe “hand me that piano” was George Carlin’s line. And I actually like the zipper merge.
March 29th, 2021 at 9:59 am
justplainangry on March 29, 2021 at 8:56 am said:
“No apologies necessary, Letterman was never funny.”
I agree 100%,
March 29th, 2021 at 11:27 am
Sharpton is there?
Excellent!!
March 29th, 2021 at 12:26 pm
“Letterman was never funny”
In his day, he was hilarious.
Where “his day” was loooong before he decamped to CBS. Maybe up until ’87 or so.
March 29th, 2021 at 12:37 pm
In his day, he was hilarious.
And now we know where Mitch’s aversion to reality comes from. There is no accounting for taste. Mitch probably thinks Blazing Saddles was drama.
March 29th, 2021 at 12:43 pm
jpa be dispensing dem black pills
March 29th, 2021 at 8:40 pm
Think Sharpton’s people are armed?