Shot in the Dark

With Apologies To David Letterman (Back When He Was Funny)

The Top Ten Things you Never, Ever Hear in Real Life.

10. “Hey, hand me that piano”.

9. “Gosh, the Star Tribune does a great job of balanced coverage on divisive issues”

8. “You know what I could use right now? A plate of “Scrod” from Embers”

7. “The fact that the Vikings, T-Wolves, Wild and usually the Twins disappoint me terribly is a sign that my priorities in life are terribliy out of whack”.

6. “See how much clearer and more fluid writing is when you arbitrarily and mindlessly adhere to the ‘Oxford Comma?’”

5. “The ‘zipper merge’ has made my life better”

4. “I got a call back from Alice Hausman’s office!”s

3. “That Mike McNeil on AM950 is appointment listening for me!”

2. “I always feel healthy and safe riding the Green Line after 6PM!”

And the #1 thing you never, ever hear in real life:

Number 1: “Oh, good. Al Sharpton is in town. Our racial divide and social crisis is going to get better”.

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Mitch Berg

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12 responses to “With Apologies To David Letterman (Back When He Was Funny)”

  1. Maximum Overlord Avatar
    Maximum Overlord

    Mayor Frey to Minneapolis City Council:
    “Thank God! Sharpton is here! I thought we were going to have to be the ones to bring the rope.”

  2. justplainangry Avatar
    justplainangry

    No apologies necessary, Letterman was never funny.

  3. Greg Avatar
    Greg

    re. #9, why is that little weasel Glen Taylor still allowed to call himself a Republican?

  4. Pig Bodine Avatar
    Pig Bodine

    greg
    Glen Talor bought the strib primarily to be a PR firm for his sports franchises, he doesn’t care what else they publish as long as they put eyeballs on his franchises.

  5. Greg Avatar
    Greg

    PB, isn’t that the very definition of a weasel?

    “Hell, who cares if they destroy a city, it’s what they can do for me and the Wolves.”

  6. Night Writer Avatar
    Night Writer

    I believe “hand me that piano” was George Carlin’s line. And I actually like the zipper merge.

  7. AllenS Avatar
    AllenS

    justplainangry on March 29, 2021 at 8:56 am said:
    “No apologies necessary, Letterman was never funny.”

    I agree 100%,

  8. Dr. Pete Strunk Avatar
    Dr. Pete Strunk

    Sharpton is there?

    Excellent!!

  9. Mitch Berg Avatar
    Mitch Berg

    “Letterman was never funny”

    In his day, he was hilarious.

    Where “his day” was loooong before he decamped to CBS. Maybe up until ’87 or so.

  10. justplainangry Avatar
    justplainangry

    In his day, he was hilarious.

    And now we know where Mitch’s aversion to reality comes from. There is no accounting for taste. Mitch probably thinks Blazing Saddles was drama.

  11. Dr. Pete Strunk Avatar
    Dr. Pete Strunk

    jpa be dispensing dem black pills

  12. FRESCHFISCH Avatar
    FRESCHFISCH

    Think Sharpton’s people are armed?

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