Joe Doakes from Como Park emailed, again, about a week or so ago:
Saint Paul, Minnesota
November 21, 2020
For Immediate ReleaseDictator-for-Life Walz, Peace Be Upon Him, today announced a new Executive Order intended to save Minnesotan lives from the deadliest virus ever known, Covid-19.
“Shocking new evidence has been discovered which completely changes our strategy for combating this deadly virus,” said Governor Walz. “We have learned that the Jewish ceremony of slaughtering and eating Christian babies takes place without masks, and without social distancing or hand sanitizing measures in place. These super-spreader events put everyone at risk and cannot be allowed to continue. Effective immediately, all Jews must present themselves to local authorities for removal to Permanent and Isolated Relocation Authority camps to be confined for the remainder of the emergency.”
In response to Republican claims that such an order lacked a factual basis and would somehow violate the “Constitution,” a spokesman for Attorney General Hakim X. stated, “The factual basis is clear: Jewish dietary practices are well-documented in The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Since the Governor’s order is authorized by statute and has not been overturned by the Legislature, it is presumptively valid. There is ample legal precedent for this measure provided in the Supreme Court case of Korematsu v. United States. The notion that the Governor lacks the authority to suspend people’s so-called “Constitutional rights” during the time of state-wide emergency is absurd on its face.”
Local rabbis called a press conference to protest the order but were summarily arrested and have not been heard from since. It is believed they are the first Jews to be sent to the Relocation Camps, although that rumor cannot be confirmed.
In Saint Paul, Joe Doakes, reporting.
At some point, if things don’t start to improve, satire becomes journalism.