What If Someone Sewed A Bomb Into Your Underwear…
By Mitch Berg
…that was supposed to send you to meet your 72 virgins, but instead only burned your nether regions like a forgotten barbecue…
…and it was never intended to work, because it was all for practice?
Man videotaped the entire NWA flight, including the detonation of the squib undies (emphasis added):
[Patricia Keepman and her family, including two newly-adopted Ethiopian kids] were sitting about 20 rows behind Abdulmutallab, in a center aisle with her husband and daughter a row ahead of her and their two new adopted children, a six-year-old girl and an eight-year-old boy.
Her daughter said that ahead of them was a man who videotaped the entire flight, including the attempted detonation.
“He sat up and videotaped the entire thing, very calmly,” said Patricia. “We do know that the FBI is looking for him intensely. Since then, we’ve heard nothing about it.”
“We heard what sounded like an electrical pop to me. Everybody looked above their seats, kind of like startled, panicked. Shortly thereafter, we heard the screams. We could not see what was going on. We were too far back. We heard shouting, and you could hear the mayhem happening.
At that point, two flight attendants ran at full speed to get fire extinguishers.
So a guy calmly videotapes the whole thing?
Being calm if you think you’re going to meet your 72 virgins? Perhaps. Videotaping the whole thing?
I suspect Mr Abdulmutallab donated his fried nether regions in service of a practice run and an Al Quaeda training film.
Happy effing new year.
December 29th, 2009 at 10:58 am
What’s to worry about? Obama said his people are “monitoring” the situation. I think that means he is voting “present” on this one.
December 29th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Ah Geez! Time to start gathering info for the next round of congressional testimony!
December 29th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Chuck,
Heh.
Fingers,
Urgh. Are you going to be going, or will it be someone higher-up?
December 29th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Um, you’re basing this particular panic attack on the testimony of a “newly adopted Ethiopian” 6-year-old girl seated 20 rows from the action?
December 29th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
I’ll testify. We are NOT safer than we were a year ago. Wasn’t that the line of BS the Democrats spewed for years, the Bush’s policies made us less safe (evidence to the contrary notwithstanding)?
December 29th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Um, you’re basing this particular panic attack on the testimony
…of the PARENTS of the …
…“newly adopted Ethiopian” 6-year-old girl.
Glad I could clear that up.
December 29th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
“Her daughter said that ahead of them was a man who videotaped the entire flight, including the attempted detonation.”
Haha, sorry, meant to say the hearsay testimony of a “newly adopted Ethiopian” 6-year-old girl as interpreted by her new American mother.
December 29th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
“Dry runs” generally don’t entail using enough explosives to blow a hole in the fuselage.
Will you clowns ever stop wetting yourselves? ‘Cuz if not there’s some Depends stock with my name on it.
December 29th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Also, all the passengers were detained on arrival. You’d think it might have come up then.
Also, the woman claims she hasn’t heard anything, but knows the FBI is “intensely” searching for a man they already had in their custody.
And if it were a training film, wouldn’t you expect the would-be bomber to have been given some harmless substance, rather than a real explosive? That way he would have been hit with some minor charge only.
On the other hand, if it were a real attempted operation, the video camera would only have jeopardized the mission to no purpose, other than to produce a highlight reel for the 72 virgins.
Mitch, turn on your bullsh!t detector.
“Testing, testing. Sibilance, sibilance.”
December 29th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Tim put it more succinctly than Angryclown. God you wingnuts are easily frightened.
December 29th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Tim put it more succinctly
With the emphasis on “succ”.
December 29th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Will you clowns ever stop wetting yourselves?
Additions to the Democrat Dictionary:
“Whine” – when Republicans talk about anything at all.
“Wetting onesself” – when Republicans ask any question about anything.
Tell you what, Tim; next time you give yourself an aneurysm over Michele Bachmann or Glenn Beck, just keep chanting “I must not wet myself” over and over again.
Because it’d make more sense than anything you’ve ever written.
December 29th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Also, the woman claims she hasn’t heard anything, but knows the FBI is “intensely” searching for a man they already had in their custody.
I’m thinking it might just be possible that the woman is not privy to the latest FBI news.
And if it were a training film, wouldn’t you expect the would-be bomber to have been given some harmless substance, rather than a real explosive?
Well, you tell us, Clown. When you walk into a Quick-ee-Mart to “make a withdrawal”, what gets the reaction you want; the gun that shoots the little “bang” flag out the muzzle, or the one that actually shoots a bullet?
Now, I’m no terrorist (Secretary Napolitano’s little list notwithstanding), but I’m thinking that an emergency that SEEMS real will get better results than an emergency that SEEMS harmless. Y’know – the same reason the high-wire people throw in that little “slip” halfway through their act.
That way he would have been hit with some minor charge only.
Not sure if “leaving the defense attorney a good case to work with” was the top item on AQ’s agenda, but point taken.
On the other hand, if it were a real attempted operation, the video camera would only have jeopardized the mission to no purpose, other than to produce a highlight reel for the 72 virgins.
Right. That’s exactly why I’m wondering if it’s a training thing; on the chance that it wasn’t all perfectly innocent (I mean, sure – a guy just might have wanted to test out his new camera by videotaping an entire seven-hour flight from Schiphol to Detroit, and been so enraptured by the video quality that he forgot to wet his pants when a guys junk catches fire), why waste an operative and a camera shooting video that’d have wound up a glob of molten plastic (like Tim In StP’s “brain”) somewhere in Hamtramck?
December 29th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
God you wingnuts are easily frightened.
Rule #7.
Replace “terror(ism)(ist)” with “health care reform” and you have this years Leftist Talking Points Memo.
Both can kill you, just that one WANTS to, and the other one does so as collateral damage with amazing ineptitude.
December 29th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Hey Timmy, do you suppose the folks jumping out of the WTC were “wetting themselves” by the 50th floor or the 30th? Just curious.
December 29th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Mitch-
why do you assume the presence of a cameraman means the whole thing was a training run? AQ in Iraq liked to film their IED strikes whenever possible to make recruiting videos.
Applying that to the Christmas day terrorist attempt, if the bomb had been successful, it wouldn’t have instantly destroyed the plane, but it would have forced a crash landing, giving hope to the cameraman for a quick exit and escape in the chaos of rescue efforts. Alternately, maybe a techno geek could tell you whether there are video phones with real time recording and broadcasting ability.
Either way, imagine the media impact if a plane mysteriously crashed on Christmas Day on approach to Detroit, and several days later AQ in Yemen releases the video of the last moments of a doomed flight? It may have a low probability of success, but given the low cost, it would have a huge payout if it works.
December 29th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Obama says “We will not rest until we find all who were involved and hold them accountable”.
He said this while he was resting in Hawaii.
December 29th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
why do you assume the presence of a cameraman means the whole thing was a training run? AQ in Iraq liked to film their IED strikes whenever possible to make recruiting videos.
But not from within the actual suicide car…
I’m not saying it’s not possible; given the low cost (to AQ), it might be plausible enough. It just seems like a lot of moving parts, and another person in on the secret, for a small chance at a payoff.
But then, they’re the terrorists, and I’m not (except to Janet Napolitano).
December 29th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
This doesn’t have the feel of a training run. I suspect the Hanes people were recording video for their new product, “It’s bestus with Asbestos” briefs.
December 29th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
I think it’s high time we put an end to Secret Service involvement in the Prez’s travel. It’s the TSA’s job to ensure security on Marine 1 and Air Force 1.
Just who does this paperhanging cocksucker think he is? If it’s good enough for us, it’s good enough for him. Besides, if he survives an attack by some Muslim kook, ObamaCare(TM) will be there to provide the very best in medical attention.
December 29th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Despite the fact that the pants-bomber was a radical Muslim, like the radical Muslims that bombed the WTC in ’93 and ’01, and that he was radicalized by the same Yemeni Imam that radicalized the Ft. Hood shooter, Prez Obammy calls him an ‘isolated extrmist’.
F*ck’n idiot Harvard-man. This is what you get when elect a lawyer & expect him to fight a war.
December 29th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Cause, Swiftea, it’s much more likely one of you far-right racist kooks would try to take out the president than some Muslim terrorist.
December 29th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
” . . . it’s much more likely one of you far-right racist kooks would try to take out the president than some Muslim terrorist.”
I believe that the Angry Clown has just accused the conservative commenters on this blog of wanting to kill the President.
December 30th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Yeah, angryclown babbles a lot of stupid garbage that he can never hope to back up. It’s his way.
December 30th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Hey, some 6-year-old Ethiopian girl said that to Angryclown. Gold-standard proof for you wingnuts nowadays.