SCENE: Mitch BERG is shopping for a new casserole trivet for his Instant Pot (C) when MyLysa SILBERMAN, Reporter for National Public Radio’s Saint Paul bureau covering the “Fake News” and “Diversity” beats, rounds the corner.
BERG: Er…Ms. Silberman.
SILBERMAN: [visibly searching for name] . Er – hello, Merg.
BERG: So – any comment about the allegations against Ralph “Satchmo” Northam?
SILBERMAN: In these inflammatory situations and divided times, it’s a journalist’s responsibility to make sure they get the facts straight.
BERG: OK. So – Brent Kavanaugh…
SILBERMAN: [Abruptly screams, face red with rage] WE ALWAYS #BELIEVEWOMEN, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!
BERG: Huh. So – Democrat governor Northam…
SILBERMAN: [Abruptly calm again] Get the facts…
BERG: Northam, Ellison, Clinton…
SILBERMAN: [Abruptly calm again] We can’t report a story where we’re not absolutely sure…
BERG: The Covington kids..
SILBERMAN: [Enraged again] . WHITE! MAGA! THE…SMIRK! I JUST WANT TO BURN THAT KID’S FACE OFF!
BERG: Right. So I’ve predicted that the media will declare Northam “rehabilitated” within the year.
SILBERMAN: Rehabilitated from what?
BERG: Er…yeah. Exactly.