It’s Technically Only Satire If It’s Not 100% True

SCENE: Mitch BERG is shopping for a new casserole trivet for his Instant Pot (C) when MyLysa SILBERMAN, Reporter for National Public Radio‚Äôs Saint Paul bureau covering the “Fake News” and “Diversity” beats, rounds the corner.

BERG: Er…Ms. Silberman.

SILBERMAN: [visibly searching for name] . Er – hello, Merg.

BERG: So – any comment about the allegations against Ralph “Satchmo” Northam?

SILBERMAN: In these inflammatory situations and divided times, it’s a journalist’s responsibility to make sure they get the facts straight.

BERG: OK. So – Brent Kavanaugh…

SILBERMAN: [Abruptly screams, face red with rage] WE ALWAYS #BELIEVEWOMEN, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!

BERG: Huh. So – Democrat governor Northam…

SILBERMAN: [Abruptly calm again] Get the facts…

BERG: Northam, Ellison, Clinton…

SILBERMAN: [Abruptly calm again] We can’t report a story where we’re not absolutely sure…

BERG: The Covington kids..

SILBERMAN: [Enraged again] . WHITE! MAGA! THE…SMIRK! I JUST WANT TO BURN THAT KID’S FACE OFF!

BERG: Right. So I’ve predicted that the media will declare Northam “rehabilitated” within the year.

SILBERMAN: Rehabilitated from what?

BERG: Er…yeah. Exactly.

And SCENE

5 thoughts on “It’s Technically Only Satire If It’s Not 100% True

  1. Instant Pots are overrated.

    Air fryers are Gaia’s gift to parents and young adults everywhere.

    Media Derangement Syndrome has me convinced that there’s a paucity of real “news” and an overabundance of opinion and that Buzzfeed’s job action will not be an anomaly. The real difference between news outlets these days is the sophistication of their presentation of their biases.

  2. I’m in the camp that is convinced Sachmo’s portrait was leaked by a fellow reprobate to get his infanticide support off the networks ASAP.

    Fox has been doing a pretty good job of keeping the issue alive, but it’s clear that the fake news media has already put it into the vacuum tube to the incinerator.

    And that’s fine. It will keep the issue fresh when it comes time to slap the Democrat hopefuls with it.

  3. BTW, let’s all keep an eye out for smirks tonight. Smirking is my new go-to attitude whenever I’m around reprobates…I really hope it becomes the next big thing for Real Americans.

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