Another Idea Whose Time Has Come

Planned parenthood is giving Disney some writing advice:

And if your goal is to indoctrinate children, that will be a perfectly fine idea.

Although if you want to sell tickets in the parts of the Merica where people actually have children, probably not so much.

I’ve got a few suggestions, though:

  • We could do a version of Beauty and the Beast where Belle is a competition three gun shooter who befriends the Beast – a handsome guy who majored in women’s studies, has been thoroughly cowed by campus feminism, and needs to be brought out of his shell.
  • Perhaps reboot of Cinderella, where the heroine is a plucky young National Review reader who is constantly tormented by her social justice warrior stepsisters?
  • Maybe a version of Aladdin, where Jasmine is the spoiled daughter of a liberal K St. lobbyist who encounters a plucky young ex-paratrooper entrepreneur who turns her world upside down?

The possibilities are completely endless.

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11 thoughts on “Another Idea Whose Time Has Come

  1. “We need a disney princess who’s actually a union worker”

    Huh?

    Uh?

    Isn’t Planned Parenthood fighting unionization?

  2. Maybe an update featuring Snow White-Hispanic, living in polyamory, who gives it all up when she meets a handsome organic farmer and raw milk activist?

  3. Cinderella is a powerful story. Julia Roberts as sex worker in “Pretty Woman” is a role model for empowering young girls everywhere. Keep dreaming about Richard Gere as you line up for another abortion provided by your friends and neighbors at Planned Parenthood.

  4. It strikes me that the stepsisters are SJWs. Their mutilation of their own feet to try to fit it in the glass slipper (at least in the original Brothers Grimm version) is a move of entitlement. So is their oppression of Aschenputtel.

    We just need to persuade Disney to do the story straight up…..er, maybe not, as it’d be rated R.

  5. Now that I think about it, why are we focused on Blue-Collar Barbie? Who wants “Single Mother Barbie” (even if she does come with a mixed-race child and a simulated welfare check)?

    We need “Cat Barbie,” who pursued her professional career until her biological clock ran out. Now she sits in her corner office overlooking a city park full of other women’s children and sings about the joy of owning cats.

    And “Doctor Barbie,” who sings about the joy of doing her part to reduce overpopulation, waltzing as she performs abortions. The operating room nurses sing the chorus each time Doctor Barbie flings another tiny body part into the pan. That scene will look particularly good in Technicolor, the red blood contrasting with the nurses green scrubs.

    But not “Computer Programmer Barbie” or “Engineer Barbie.” That’s too unrealistic. Nobody would believe it. Women are prohibited from STEM careers by hateful men, everybody knows that.

  6. Won’t cis Abortion Barbie need a uterus before Dr. Mengele can start hoiking tykes out of it, limb from limb?

    Will tranny Barbie come with an AIDS cocktail kit? How about an anti-rejection kit for the added package? Will the package be removable for when xe changes their mind?

    Will it be pierced, shaved and sleeved?

  7. How about homeschool Cinderella, who marries an aspiring theologian and takes out one of the worst pedophiles in history in her spare time?

    And isn’t “Engineer Barbie”/ “Computer programmmer Barbie” played well in “Hidden Figures”? For that matter, you’ve got family life played well in “The Incredibles”, and then you’ve got “Newscaster-ella”, whose love redeems the worst rogue of Metro City, in “Mega-Mind.”

    But to Planned Infanticide’s desire for an abortionist Disney Princess, maybe we should persuade them to do that one. I can just imagine millions of otherwise pro-choice parents becoming pro-life after the cartoon portrays nurses collecting the bloody severed body parts after a procedure.

  8. Or for that matter, let’s do a disney princess who is trans, HONESTLY, as she watches too many of her friends attempt to take their own lives…..and let’s do an undocumented immigrant disney princess….just part of MS-13 and show her brutally murdering a rival.

    Oh, not what they had in mind, was it? Well, reality sucks. The local paper had an article about Mayo’s (sigh) new transgender clinic, and one of the key takeaways is that those who go through the operation have no lower of suicide rates than those who do not. In other words, all that work does really no good except “making them feel better”, except when it doesn’t, which appears to be a lot of the time.

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