Ripped From The Fictional Headlines

Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

Scene:  a cluttered office, a fat, balding man chewing a cigar, reading a script and scowling at it.  A young man steps into the doorway and raps on the door, three times, quickly.

Writer:  Boss, I’ve got a great idea for a new show.  It’s a political thriller, got action, intrigue, it’s great.

Boss:  Yeah?  Siddown and lay it out for me.

Boss tosses the script he was reading onto his desk and leans back in his chair, studying the young man.  Young man sits down, butt on the edge of the seat, and leans forward, speaking eagerly

Writer:  okay, there’s the guy, see?  And he works for the FBI.  He’s a true patriot, he hates the way the country is going and he wants to help a good candidate get elected.  He makes a donation like everybody in the office, but he wants to do more.  All the sudden, he finds himself assigned to investigate his favorite candidate for breaking the law.  But he doesn’t want to do it, see?  But he has to, see?  So there’s dramatic tension.

Boss: yeah, but the law is the law.  What’s he gonna do?

Writer:  that’s the cool part.  He interviews the candidate but he “forgets” to put her under oath.  So none of her answers can be used against her, right?  And there’s a suspicious death tied to the charges but he knows this candidate has a long trail of suspicious deaths and shady dealings so he’s afraid she might be involved with this one, too.  So he doesn’t want to investigate that, see?  But he’s torn about it, see, because maybe she really is as crooked as the rest of them.  But maybe she’s not, and besides, her opponent is a real jerk.  So he calls the death a “robbery gone bad” and when his boss is going to make a press announcement saying the candidate broke the law, our guy changes it to say she did NOT break the law.

Boss: wait, why wouldn’t the boss notice the change?

Writer:  the boss isn’t a cop, he’s a political hack, a time-serving moron.  So he goes along with the charade and the candidate gets away with the crime and stays in the election.

Boss: okay, weak, but we can work with it.

Writer: wait, it gets better!  His candidate loses the election.

Boss: what the hell?  How’s that help?  The show’s over.

Writer: no, no, it’s just getting started.  The candidate was supposed to win, see?  All the polls said so. All the experts said so.  She was so far ahead, she didn’t even campaign the last week, the election was in the bag.  She booked a hall and ordered fireworks and had her victory speech written and when she lost, it was stunning.  The talking heads on tv were stunned.  The losing candidate was drunk two days, couldn’t give a concession speech.  Total disaster.  And meanwhile, the smug jerk who won the election is all over Twitter rubbing it in, offering her five cents on the dollar for the fireworks she doesn’t need anymore.

Boss: yeah, so?  Sounds like a depressing show.  Nobody wants to watch that.

Writer:  Yeah, yeah, but our guy, remember him?  He’s in the FBI.  They see all kinds of wacko stuff, all kinds of nuts and goofballs with conspiracy theories.  So he’s devastated that his gal lost and the jerk won and he’s sitting at his desk moping when he glances at this file on his desk.  Some kook claims the jerk was in cahoots with the Russians to help him steal the election and he stayed in a Russian hotel where a team of hookers gave him a golden shower right on the hotel bed.

Boss: whoa, whoa, we can’t put that stuff on television.  Not in prime time.

Writer: okay, so maybe we don’t show it on screen

Boss: but maybe a special episode on cable?  Pay per view?  Hmmmm.

Writer: yeah, yeah!  Like that.  And anyway, so our guy, he sees this folder and he knows it’s bullshit but he thinks “If only the public knew what a jerk that guy is.”  Just then his boss walks by and says “I’m headed to brief the President-Elect, anything new I should know?” And all the sudden, on impulse, our guy hands his boss the folder and says “You might want to warn him this stuff is going around, so he doesn’t get blind-sided.”  The boss, being a dope, doesn’t realize it’s a set-up, he thinks our guy is being all noble and professional, so the boss goes right along.  But one of the long-term staff people in the President’s briefing sees the dossier is political dynamite and leaks it to his buddies in the press.  Ka-boom, huge political outrage, our guy’s losing candidate gets cheered up, the president-elect looks like an idiot, our guy is grinning like crazy.

Boss: and then?

Writer:  and then things get interesting.  The losing candidate’s political party seizes on the Russian Collusion angle and demands an investigation.  The new Attorney General is a another political appointee, not used to how the game is played in the bureaucracy, so he recuses himself.

Boss: excuses himself?

Writer: no, recuses.  He steps aside and lets the long-term staffers handle it.  And they all hate the new President.  So the staffers convince the new President the only way to clear his name is to appoint a special investigator.  And they recommend their old boss, who they assure him is a straight shooter, which he is – straight in your back.  But the new President doesn’t know that, see, so the new President goes along with it.

Boss: inside baseball.  boring.

Writer: no, wait!  The special investigator hates the new President, too.  And he hires a team of assistants to help him, all of them hate the new President.  And here’s the best part – he decides that for his top assistant on the team, he needs the guy who knows the most about the collusion.  He needs the guy who discovered the folder.  He needs OUR GUY!  Our guy is now the top assistant on the team investigating the new President.

Boss:  okay, more interesting.  Keep going

Writer:  so our guy is only part of the investigation, he can’t go after the President directly.  But he remembers that during the campaign, his team used a little “creative phrasing” to convince a judge to let them wiretap some people in the jerk’s campaign.  And one of those people is now the new President’s aide.  Our guy drops by the aide’s office to chat and just happens to ask some questions about one of the wiretapped conversations.  He doesn’t tell the aide he’s under investigation, the aide doesn’t have a lawyer present, the conversation isn’t recorded, but our guy goes back to the office and dummies up some notes in the file as to what our guy claims the aide said.

Boss:  so?

Writer: so our guy walks into the special investigator’s office and says “Hey, the President’s aide lied to me.  Here’s what he said on the wiretap and here’s what he told me in person.  He’s a liar.  We can prosecute him for lying and maybe get him to roll over on his boss, testify against the President.”  So the special prosecutor is liking that and ready to run with it but our guy screws up.  See, he’s married but he’s also having an affair with an FBI lawyer – that’s the love interest and we can get some steamy scenes out of that, too – and our guy sends his lover some texts bragging about his scam.  But somehow the texts leak

Boss: how?

Writer: I’m working on that.  But anyway, the texts leak and the special investigator finds out our guy is bent so his testimony is worthless,  but the special investigator really hates the President so he quietly reassigns our guy out of the way for a bit while he tries to finesse the aide into pleading guilty so he can get something to use against the President.

Boss: wait – what happened to our guy?  I thought this show was about him?

Writer: he’s reassigned to Human Resources to lay low until it blows over.  The special investigator temporarily becomes the star of the show.  It’s like when the main star is pregnant so the co-star gets a few episodes, you know?

Boss: yeah, okay.  Then what?

Writer: well, that’s as far as I’ve gotten.  But it’s great, right?  It’s got everything – sex, crime, politics, drama . . . so when do we start shooting?

Boss;  I gotta hand it to ya, kid, I really do.  Ya got a terrific imagination.  But this stuff, it’s too much.  It’s over the top.  One guy at the center of a conspiracy to take down the President?  Nobody would ever believe it.  And what the hell kind of name is Strzok?  Fuggedaboutit, kid.  Get the hell out of my office.

End scene

Joe Doakes

It’s only fiction if you ignore the real world.

19 thoughts on “Ripped From The Fictional Headlines

  1. The removal of a president from office is a political, not a legal act. Trump will be removed from office if and when it suits both the Democrats and the Republicans to do so. Keep in mind that when the time comes for the Republicans to want him out, because he has become a political liability, it is likely that the Democrats will want to keep him, for the same reason. Don’t count on scrupulous or principled action from either party. This makes his impeachment unlikely.

  2. I don’t think that Trump will be impeached. Even if the Dems retake the House in 2018, there have to be a few people on their side who realize this will be an open invitation for future GOP majority house to impeach a dem president. No “high crime or misdemeanor” has been identified, and at this point, the highly partisan nature of Mueller’s investigation would alienate all the Trump voters if Mueller brought charges against Trump — believable or not. If hating a president was grounds for impeachment, how did Obama survive all those years with a GOP house?
    At this point I would put better than even money on Trump in 2020 if the D candidate is Kamala Harris. She has zero appeal outside the states that Hillary carried in 2016. Doubling down on the hate for rural Americans and white men isn’t going to win the votes of rural people and white men.

  3. MP: your prediction on impeachment makes sense, but only if you think the two parties in Washington are truly in opposition to each other. In that case, those who play a long game (which isn’t conducive to politics) might take future repercussions into account. I think the the opposing sides here are actually the power elites (from both sides) against the bedeviling outsider.

    If these politicos were truly playing the long-game then Trump wouldn’t have happened in the first place. I think they’ll do whatever it takes to dump Trump, at whatever cost, thinking that they just want to get their playground back and return to the “two-party” system.

  4. NW, this is why I hope Bannon keeps up the pressure on the swamp and gives voice and hope to the deplorables. He is no Breitbart, but as good an heir apparent as you can get.

  5. Woolly, in my opinion, Mueller did not go farther with Flynn because he did not want Trump to start using his pardon power to benefit those closest to him. Rather, Mueller is developing cases against multiple additional defendants — including potentially Trump himself — that will be revealed simultaneously, thus putting Trump in the position of having to pardon multiple criminal defendants close to him and, by doing so, inviting impeachment proceedings.

  6. Based entirely on your imaginings, and not evidence at hand, Emery. If Trump was an innocent as he says he is, Mueller would act as he is acting now.
    Word out today that one of Muellers demoted investigators had a wife who worked for Fusion GPS. Something stinks here, and it ain’t Russian caviar.
    I would recommend learning everything you can about Fusion GPS. It was setup by swamp dwellers on both sides of the aisle to protect and promote their interests.

  7. TFS, whats’s you take on the bitcoin hype?
    $18,000 for a bit of computer code…computer code that in of itself does nothing at all, it’s not even a useful app. Astounding.

    Woolly, “When you’re attacking FBI agents because you’re under criminal investigation, you’re losing” ~ Sarah Sanders 2016

  8. Heh, it looks like sock puppet #2 received latest talking points on how to deflect from latest news how corrupt FBI and CIA are and how intricately linked they are to Fusion. You know, deflect away from the FACTS. Back to the swamp with you, incessant troll.

  9. Emery, back to the issue at hand, why is it that the turnover in Mueller’s office for obvious and foreseeable conflicts of interest makes the turnover in the White House look positively glacial in comparison? Could it be that despite having been registered as a GOP voter, Mueller is clearly a creature of the swamp and he hired his team based on who he thought would most capably harass the Trump administration with a thin veneer of law as a distraction?

  10. There is no defense for the swamp creatures and partisanship that is Mueller witch hunt and so all eTASS can muster is yet another misdirection and obfuscation while ignoring inconvenient factual information. But then if it is not for truthTM and factsTM, eTASS simply does not have the cognitive ability to exercise simple logic and comprehension to see the light. Not capable. What a sad little troll.

  11. Like Michael Corleone said in “The Godfather” “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.”

    The interesting part of Mueller’s mandate is there are no legal or ethical reasons for the special counsel to turn away if he discovers indications of misconduct that are unrelated to the original Russia inquiry.

  12. Emery: bitcoin is only for hoarding like gold from what I can see. The ledger is too slow for it to be better “money” than gold. Too volatile as a store of value. Some times it’s easier to be under the radar with gold and silver, sometimes bitcoin is better.

    What happens when then make a better crypto?

    Also, it really is a useless “commodity” compared to precious metals as you say.

    What happens to it when interest rates change?

    Will the government continue to tolerate it? Gold, silver, and crypto’s are huge threats to Penigma’s fantasy world of authoritarian submission.

  13. Derivatives on pure speculation on something without any intrinsic value. Mankind must somehow deserve this.

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