Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been…

SCENE:  Mitch BERG is looking through the stacks at Midway Used Books.  G. Wellington BENBRIDGE-GELLER – better known to his social circle and fellow ‘Anti-Fascist Action Macalester” colleagues as “Wookie” – comes around the corner.  BENBRIDGE-GELLER, age 25, a graduate of Carlton College (BA Anthropology and Women’s Studies), is dressed in black from head to toe, including a black hoodie splotched with home-painted slogans, over a “Che Guevara” t-shirt – the only color in his mien.  He carries a gas mask and a bottle of bear spray in an NPR tote bag.  


BERG:  Uh, hey, “Wookie”.  What’s up?

BENBRIDGE-GELLER:  Fascist symbols are, themselves, a threat of violence to their targets, and thus justify violence in response.

BERG:  Meaning what?

BENBRIDGE-GELLER: It’s time to Punch a Nazi.

BERG:  Huh.  And you can tell Nazis by…

BENBRIDGE-GELLER:  Swastikas.  Brown shirts.  Make America Great Again caps.  GOP elephants.

BERG:  So, pretty much anyone who disagrees with you is a Nazi, so you feel you have leave to punch pretty much anyone.


BERG:  That means if anyone sees you, as you are an immediate threat to them, they can respond violently to you, then, as you are an immediate threat to them?

BENBRIDGE-GELLER:  Nope.  (Stops for a moment).  Hey – aren’t you a conservative talk show host?

(BENBRIDGE-GELLER winds up to kick BERG, but BERG reacts first, emptying a container of CS spray into his BENBRIDGE-GELLER’s face.  The younger guy falls to the floor, screaming, as BERG squirts the last remnants of the bottle at BENBRIDGE-GELLER’s head.  He tosses the empty bottle container, hitting the younger man in the face, and then grabs the reading stool and brings it down on BENBRIDGE-GELLER’s solar plexus before turning to walk out of the store.  A couple of patrons look at him, shocked)

BERG:  What?  You’re expecting a mildly sarcastic comic send-off to the bit?

(Bystanders go back to shopping as BERG pays for a couple copies of King and Country, and leaves store). 


7 thoughts on “Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been…

  1. It looks like Trump is taking the war against violent, reprobate leftists into the air. The Great State of South Carolina has been chosen for a pilot program that uses real pilots to thin the herds of feral swine running amok.

    “The aerial hunting program being used in South Carolina, launched about five years ago, is similar to those that have been relied upon in western states to kill a variety of nuisance wildlife.”

    If you saw the footage from the Phoenix rally on Tuesday, you can see Arizona has their leftist swine plague pretty well controlled. Some people are not sure that helicopter culling is the way to go, but something clearly has to be done. Feral swine are wrecking machines, as anyone in Berkeley can tell you.

    “Anything that’s effective to get hogs is a good idea. They are so destructive.’’

    Godspeed boys. And good shooting.

  2. Please excuse the threadjack, but I think this will be of interest. I just checked in over at The Minnpost to observe the insanity I was sure was taking place (it is). But a story about Minneapolis’ reprobate Mayor caught my eye. Seems she skipped town shortly after a MPD diversity hire shot and an unarmed woman who had called them to report an assault.

    Next time any drooling lefty reprobate questions Mitch’s stereotyping his or her ilk, remember this:

    “Four days after the police shooting of Justine Damond, Minneapolis Mayor Betsy Hodges traveled to Los Angeles for a campaign fundraiser at the Wilshire Country Club featuring “kombucha tasting with Garrison Keillor” and “artisan crafted hotdish,” among other menu items.”

    “Lefse and kale wraps, kombucha tasting with Garrison Keillor and an artisan-crafted hotdish featuring organic, locally sourced tofu are just a few things that could bring people from Minneapolis and Los Angeles together,”

    These people really need to be rounded up for their own good, and the good of the country.

  3. BENBRIDGE-GELLER: Swastikas. Brown shirts. Make America Great Again caps. GOP elephants.

    You left out crewcuts. True story.

  4. I think we know how certain people/organizations come by a nickname such as “Wookiee”:

    Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1977)
    [R2-D2 and Chewbacca are playing the holographic game aboard the Millennium Falcon]
    Chewbacca: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh!
    C-3PO: He made a fair move. Screaming about it can’t help you.
    Han Solo: Let him have it. It’s not wise to upset a Wookiee.
    C-3PO: But sir, nobody worries about upsetting a droid.
    Han Solo: That’s ’cause droids don’t pull people’s arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookiees are known to do that.
    Chewbacca: Grrf.
    C-3PO: I see your point, sir. I suggest a new strategy, R2: let the Wookiee win.

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