The New Puritans

SCENE:  Mitch BERG is shopping for a generator at Menard’s.  As he pores over the spec sheet, Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK steps around the corner.  

BIRKENSTOCK:  Merg!   The “christian” college, “Liberty University”, is building a gun violence range for its students.

BERG:   It’s a gun range.  And so what?

BIRKENSTOCK:  It’s weird.

BERG:   Hardly. It’s a conservative institution.  Many of its students are shooters.  The campus 2nd Amendment group is large and active, and shootings sports are popular among students.  It’s not unreasonable to assume that a shooting-sports-friendly campus is going to be a draw for students who are, like most Liberty students, to the right of center.

BIRKENSTOCK:  But guns on campus!  Isn’t that just kind of weird?  Shouldn’t school be a place of non-violence?

BERG:   Non-violence?   You mean like “gun-free” Virginia Tech?


BERG:  Where a gunman killed 32 students and faculty?

BIRKENSTOCK:  Don’t confuse me with irrelevant details.

BERG:  Er, right.  So – why should Liberty not provide that facility, if it’s an obvious marketing spiff for them?

BIRKENSTOCK:  There should be no guns at places of higher learning.

BERG:  Question for you, Moonbeam:   should colleges teach abstinence only sex education?

BIRKENSTOCK:  Good heavens, no.  That never works!

BERG:  Because people naturally gravitate toward things they enjoy?


BERG:   So abstinence only education can not work when it comes to sex, but is the only acceptable solution when it comes to guns?

BIRKENSTOCK:  Why do you hate women and minorities?

BERG:  Naturally.


4 thoughts on “The New Puritans

  1. Does Birkenstock know that 11,300 high school kids participated in MN State High School approved clay target league last spring? That’s 11,300 kids SHOOTING GUNS in a school approved sport! Check it out. This year they expect over 12,500!

    Did she know that the people who started and run this program now have started a nationwide organization call US Clay Target and SEVENTEEN states now belong to it. Add that to the number of high school ROTC programs, and that’s real numbers. I guess that’s why that college is building a range.

  2. A while back I was on the Univ of Minnesota campus and picked up the issue of the MN Daily (student newspaper). It was their semi-annual sex issue. Now, the first time I was ever in an adult book store….it was a children’s store compared to the University of Minnesota student newspaper sex issue.
    They were promoting group sex. Three-sums. They also promoted rape. Only they called it “bondage” and “sex slaves”.
    So, what is the problem with the football team? Sounds like they are just liberating themselves like the Minnesota Daily promotes.
    (wonder how many words will be flagged)

  3. Several Big 10 universities have gun ranges. I know, I shot at them competitively. At one school they mentioned that the backstop was the deck of an old WW2 destroyer. I thought that was pretty cool.

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