K. Liff
By Mitch Berg
SCENE: A freeway overpass relatively close to the Ohio/Pennsylvania border.
A man – Kevin LIFF – clad in a clearly home-made general’s field-dress uniform, stands on the roof of a humvee, overlooking an immense battlefield, dotted with smoking wrecks and and ragged groups of corpses. Whiffs of smoke scud across the landscape, and the faint cries of the wounded are drowned out by the sound of a column of Ford F150s, loaded to the gills with gun-toting militiamen, driving eastward.
Colonel Terrence RIST walks up to the humvee, trailed by radio operator with a backpack radio set.
RIST: Reverend Field Marshal?
LIFF: Yes, brother Colonel?
RIST: The infidels have been scattered. Our scouts say the road is clear all the way to Harrisburg.
LIFF: Excellent. Has the matter of Kansas City been settled?
RIST: The infidel Lutherans and Catholics have felt our wrath.
LIFF: Excellent. And the Infidel Army?
RIST: They appear to be gathering in Maryland for a last stand.
LIFF: All right. We’ll see to them in a moment. It’s time to get our insidious plan that we’ve had all along underway. Abolish abortion, and torch all Planned Parenthoods.
RIST: Yes sir.
LIFF: Force all gay photographers to shoot straight weddings. Require all Americans to own guns. Abolish the income tax. Roll back Title IX. Ship the ELCA, NPR fans and members of the ACLU to camps in Idaho.
RIST: As you command, brother Field Marshall.
(RIST snaps off a salute and walks away).
LIFF: (Turns to his aide, Captain Ry Twing). I can’t believe that we pulled this off, quite frankly, Captain.
TWING: Sir?
LIFF: All these years, we managed to get the Muslims to draw attention away from our preparations. Only a few managed to see it. And now, we stand on the brink of complete victory, and exterminating all opposition.
TWING: Praise God, sir!
LIFF: Indeed!
(The men go back to planning the next military move)
(And SCENE).
October 20th, 2016 at 8:42 am
“SCENE: A freeway overpass on the Ohio/Pennsylvania border.”
This is bothering me! There are only two freeways that cross the border, I-80 and I-90. There is no overpass near either one, just flat unmolested concrete. My familiarity with the region is making difficult for me to appreciate the allegory.
October 20th, 2016 at 9:06 am
Fixed.
October 20th, 2016 at 9:14 am
Couple of those. Thanks!
October 20th, 2016 at 9:43 am
Would have been better (and more satisfying) to set it along a turnpike near the Maryland \ Pennsylvania border. Jus’ sayin’ 😉
October 20th, 2016 at 10:03 am
Can I assume your anti-heroes are not wearing Lutheran hair?
October 20th, 2016 at 10:09 am
Or are they your heroes?
October 20th, 2016 at 10:41 am
this is Trulbert: The Republic Strikes Back?
October 20th, 2016 at 11:13 am
As a Lutheran, I gotta ask.
What is Lutheran hair DMA?
I’m guessing heroes, not anti-heroes here.
October 20th, 2016 at 11:29 am
This is why most future history novels are set on the Planet Anthrax: nobody can object to the geography.
October 20th, 2016 at 12:04 pm
Joe D……it always bothered me that in the original Star Trek, the floors of all the caves on various planets were shiny. Do aliens always have floor buffers for their caves?
October 20th, 2016 at 3:12 pm
Captain, what color is the sky in your world?
Uh, pink. Sometimes orange.
October 20th, 2016 at 10:03 pm
The views expressed by Simmons are not only common on the Left, they are enforced as orthodoxy.
After a decade and a half of Muslims killing Westerners in the name of Islam, if you are on the left you cannot say that for the last decade and a half Muslims have been killing Westerners in the name of Islam.
October 21st, 2016 at 6:27 am
Last I checked Planned Parenthood received $428 million (do correct me if thats changed) from the US Govt to provide non-abortion women’s healthcare services, which they provide in a desultory manner primarily to large urban areas and to a vanishingly smaller degree to lesser urban and rural localities whose women in need must travel sometimes 100s of miles for service.
Wouldn’t it make more sense to distribute that $428M evenly to all 3142 counties in the US? That would be $136,219.00 directly to each county earmarked to pay directly for healthcare services to women (not to pay another bureaucrat/AFSCME member to administer). That would be a much more efficient method of delivering services much closer to the need.
PP could just admit that their reason for focusing all their services to large urban areas is to continue the Black Genocide that the Much Admired Margaret Sanger (Hillary is a fan) started a century ago.
October 21st, 2016 at 7:55 am
DMA is referring to “ELCA Hair” – the hairdo that all liberal lutherans adopt around age 30.
Referenced here among other places.
They are neither heroes nor anti-heroes. They are spoofs.
October 21st, 2016 at 8:30 am
After a decade and a half of Muslims killing Westerners
Try 1500 years.
October 21st, 2016 at 9:27 am
DMA, 1400 years, I believe, as Mohammed died about 632 AD. Plus or minus.
Kel: I am more and more convinced, as I run the numbers–1800 abortionists doing about one million surgical abortions per year at a cost of about $500 apiece, according to the Guttmacher Institute–that Planned Infanticide’s ‘non-abortion’ services are merely a way to cover costs for their abortionists, who otherwise could not get hired. Even a lot of otherwise pro-choice people don’t want to hire an abortionist to deliver their baby, for obvious reasons.
October 21st, 2016 at 10:30 am
bikebubba,
one of the points I continually make with the pro-abortion people is that Planned Parenthood has a demonstrable bias against small town and rural populations and steadfastly refuses to provide any services especially to poor women in rural areas. They try to change the subject pretty quickly after that one. Particularly when I point out that many of the non-abortion services PP provides for a fee are often less expensive or free from County health services.
So yes you are exactly right that govt funds are ” merely a way to cover costs for their abortionists,”