Who Is Joe Doakes? Is he just a pseudonym for…Mitch Berg? – I get this a lot. I have to chuckle a good-natured chuckle when I do; I’ve written something like 20,000 posts on this blog over the years; I do not need a medium for additional writing on this blog. That’d be like Rush Limbaugh coming up with some character voice to do another talk show.
Joe Doakes is in fact a pseudym for a local lawyer. He writes under a pen name because – he’s a local lawyer.
That’s the whole story.
You used to read and report on what a lot of Democrat-leaning blogs were writing about. You don’t so much anymore. Why? I waste less time by just subscribing to the Alliance for a “Better” Minnesota email blasts.
Some of your commenters have to be sock puppets: Nope. Never done it, never will. Oh, it’s been tempting – the idea of abandoning my stentorian detachment under the cover of a fictitious identity and just cutting loose. But no, ever done it.
Isn’t it high time you updated the DFL Dictionary?: Oh, yeah Great idea. Stay tuned. More to come shortly.
In your various pieces about “Protect Minnesota”, “Everytown” and “Moms Want Action”, you’ve referred to something called “ELCA Hair” to describe members of the groups. What do you mean? That’s a good question; it’s probably pretty opaque to people who aren’t familiar with liberal culture in Minnesota.
There’s something of a “uniform” among upper-middle-class white liberals in Minnesota. This “uniform” – it’s got plenty of variations, but work with me here – generally includes:
- a degree from Carlton, Saint Thomas, Macalester, Saint Olaf or the Humphrey Institute
- a Volvo or Subaru, frequently coated with virtue-signaling bumper stickers
- “ELCA Hair”.
“ELCA Hair” is, loosely, a hairdo prominent among upper-middle-class white members of the “Evangelical Lutheran Church of America”, a liberal Lutheran synod centered in Minnesota.
What is it? Well, it’s easier to show than to tell.
This photo is almost a museum-piece of ELCA Hair, something that could appear in an anthropological exhibit:
Every person visible in this photo exhibits a flavor of “ELCA Hair” (except the woman at the microphone; Minnesota liberalism grants Jewish liberals an exemption from ELCA Hair). The ‘do is the most effective frame for a face that’s sagged into place from, and for, a lifetime of self-righteous scowling.
Let’s look next at the photo below. There are several subspecies of “ELCA Hair” in this photo:
- The young man on the left wears the cut acceptable for men below the age of about 34, provided they work for a non-profit. At 35, they morph into the versions in the photo above.
- The three women adjacent to him exhibit the ‘do deemed acceptable to women below roughly age 33.
- The second woman from the left in the back row has just turned 35; she has hacked her shoulder-length hair off at the ears, apparently to keep her Whole Foods club card.
For men, it’s parted, just long enough to look a wee bit raffish and “counterculture”, just short enough to not draw attention. And beards are apparently not grown until they are guaranteed to grow in gray (and kept neatly trimmed under all circumstances).
For women? It stands to reason that ELCA Presiding Bishop Elizabeth Eaton, the leader of the denomination, has it, And she surely does…:
(Bishop Eaton is a little bit unusual; most women with ELCA Hair go gray once they reach about 38 years old. I suspect divine intervention).
Anyway – that’s it for today!