Help Me Out Here

To:  Colgate
From:  Mitch Berg, Uppity Peasant
Re:  Your Super Bowl Ad


So I watched the teaser for your Super Bowl spot:

I get it.  There’s big money in appealing to the altruism of the soft-core social justice warrior.  There’s a whole generation of Millennials out there who are impressed by symbols.

And I am not one of the people who “wastes” water like the guy in the ad.  I’m way too frugal for that.

But I have a question.  Several, actually:

  1. If I did leave the faucet running, what do you think would happen (other than inflating my water bill)?   Would the water disappear from the face of the earth, never to be seen again?    Of course not; it runs down the drain, through the sanitary sewer, back to sewage plant and a holding pond, where it evaporates, turning into humidity, clouds, and eventually rain or snow, falling…somewhere in the world, usually to repeat the cycle over and over and over.
  2. For that matter, what do you think happens to the water I drink?  That it disappears from the earth for good?  No – it comes back out in one form or another; #1, #2, sweat, tears, spittle, whatever.  It eventually gets back to the environment, where it evaporates and becomes humidity, clouds, fog, snow, rain, ice, glaciers, or something.  And then repeats the cycle, over and over again.
  3. You end the ad with a young, ethnically-ambiguous girl (Asian? Central American?  Briilliant casting, actually) thirstily and heart-rendingly slurping up every drop of the “wasted” water she can get her hands, literally, around.  Now, I live in a part of the world blessed with a lot of water.  My city water comes from the Mississippi River.  And any water I don’t physically consume eventually probably gets back there, or seeps down into an aquifer, or evaporates back into the atmosphere to go heaven-only-knows where.  So please tell me; if I don’t use a gallon of water, how do you propose that it gets to that little girl in Myanmar or Honduras?  Can I pack it up in a jug and send it there, with Colgate paying the freight? Will you be holding a water drive?  How is my use of water – which, between nature and a government that handles basic services with some degree of competence, is plentiful where I live – related to the availability of water in a third-world hellhole beset by banana-republic socialists, corruption and incompetence?   Can the water I don’t use be re-purposed to drowning the successive waves of dictators that have managed to make places like the little girl’s hometown short of water, even though they’re by a freaking rain forest.

Thanks in advance.

11 thoughts on “Help Me Out Here

  1. They need you to believe that fresh, clean water is a scarce resource so they can control your use of it.
    It isn’t.
    You know how liberals sneer at the term ‘supply side’ economics? ‘Supply side’ means that you try to increase the supply of goods rather than the rationing and redistribution of the existing supply of goods. Somehow liberals have convinced a great many human beings that they will personally receive more of a good if the government rations it.
    How’s that demand-side water allocation working out in Cali? Getting to be more like Mexico over there every day.
    Socialism — the victory of hope over experience.

  2. Excuse the thread jack, but it has come to my attention the Maurice White died yesterday. For those who don’t know, Maurice was the founder of Earth Wind and Fire which IMO, (along with Tower of Power) contained the best horn sections on the planet anytime before or since.

    I saw them in concert twice as a yoot in California, and the only thing more thrilling than hearing those big horns was making it home without having a parking lot brawl with the Lowriders. (We went 1 for 2).

    Maurice White RIP

  3. My mom used to use the cliche about eating everything on my plate because there are starving children in China. That finally ended after I offered to pay the shipping cost to send my scraps to some hungry kid.

  4. So please tell me; if I don’t use a gallon of water, how do you propose that it gets to that little girl in Myanmar or Honduras?

    I’m pretty sure you fax it to her.

  5. It’s the narrative.

    Although, in the world of cheap gas and oil that every pisspot dicktator cannot get rid off fast enough, how can anyone be short of water? Desalination plants should be pretty cheap to run these days.

  6. They need us to believe it’s scarce so they can make sure I don’t have a toilet, dishwasher, or shower that works well. My favorite lately is the dishwasher, as I’m running every load twice to get them reasonably clean. In the process, of course, I’m probably using more water than if I’d simply had a real dishwasher that used a reasonable amount of water.

  7. Bikebubba, I supply my own household water from rain (I have a catchment system). I have a septic tank that I have pumped by a commercial outfit every six years or so.
    You can imagine what I think about low-flow showers, toilets, and low phosphate detergents — all mandated by a federal government 5,000 miles away.
    The Left, and government bureaucrats in general, are unable to comprehend that it is possible for one person to have more without causing some other person to have less.

  8. I was admonished by the spouse while brushing my teeth last night – and after thinking it through came to the same basic conclusion as Mitch. Then is struck me. Why don’t they say IF YOU LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON … THEN YOU REALLY ARE WASTING SOMETHING YOU CAN NEVER GET BACK. I will turn the lights off when admonished next time (tonight?).

  9. It strikes me that, given that organic wastes (say from a toilet, dishwasher, or clotheswasher) tend to the acidic side, low flow could actually end up with some very, very interesting results for the water table. Like what Flint is experiencing.

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