The “Honesty” Cult

Over the holiday week, this story – “Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Lie To Your Kids About Santa“, by Pascal-Emmanuel Gobry – was making the rounds on social media.

According to Mr. Gobry – who, in common with a distressing number of people who lecture parents about how they should raise their kids, let the record show, has no children actually has a kid, will miracles never cease – says it’s all wrong because our rationalizations are all incorrect.

To wit:

The argument goes something like this: lying to children is bad.

Gobry thinks that the Santa story is “lying to children”.  We’ll come back to that.

It’s not just a story. Parents usually defend the Santa lie by saying that it’s just a story, like Snow White. But there’s a difference between fiction and lying.

And there’s a difference between both and “shared cultural traditions”.

It doesn’t do anything for their imagination. This is usually the next line of defense: tricking kids about Santa somehow helps their imagination. But that makes no sense. You’re not asking kids to actually imagine anything, you’re feeding them beliefs.

So what?  We “feed” our kids all sorts of beliefs; “Because I’m daddy, that’s why”, “don’t trust strangers unless they’re in  uniform”, “Jesus loves me, this I know…”, and of course, “honesty is the best policy”.  We look forward to the day when they think critically – but that’s down the road a bit, and until then, we need them to know some things  just because.

Who cares if it’s tradition? For a very long time, tradition included such smart education principles as “spare the rod, spoil the child.” Now our society doesn’t believe in beating children — and that’s a good thing.

Right.  Santa’s just like that.

Families that celebrate Christmas should have Christmas traditions! …You don’t need to invent a supersonic fat man to show your children you love them.

And if Gobry thinks that’s why we still have “Santa”, then this is going to be a difficult conversation indeed.

It’s bad tactics. From the parents’ purely self-interested perspective, the Santa lie is just dumb parenting. First of all, it erodes your trust capital. Once your kids discover that you were actively lying to them for several years, how much do you think they’ll trust you?

To be honest, this is the part where I figured out Gobry has never raised a kid in his life.  He honestly thinks kids, after about 12, need any single reason not to trust their parents?  And that they won’t seek out other reasons like a Dave Matthews fan looking for Cheetos?

The Santa lie is also used to control children: if you’re “good” you’ll get presents, and if you’re “naughty” you won’t. But really, has that ever worked?

Any parent who uses “Santa Claus” seriously, with a straight face, to “control” childrens’ behavior, as opposed to “a fun excuse to share a fun moment with the family once a year”, and maybe “as a shared inside joke with other parents”, is heading for much bigger problems.

It’s just morally wrong. Sorry to repeat ourselves, but lying to children is just wrong. It is. Just because someone is gullible is no reason to lie to them, and children have a right not to be deceived like everyone else. You can make a case for some “white lies” but the Santa lie is not a white lie. It’s just a lie.

Oh, it’s not a white lie.  Glad you cleared that up for all of us, Mr. Gobry.

Actually, I think not having Santa in their lives is a moral wrong.  Yes, eventually they, like most kids, figure out that their parents have been pulling a fast one on them.  The smart kids figure out “my parents spent all those years getting up in the wee hours to put this little hint of magic in my life, because they wanted to see me be happy.  That’s odd – but the odd bit of happiness was sure cool!”   The not-so-smart ones get neurotic about Christmas and become NPR listeners – but then, if “Santa” doesn’t do it, something will.  And the real dumb ones never quite lose the idea that some beneficent supernatural being brings them stuff for nothing, and go on to support Bernie Sanders.

And why does the “always be honest with kids” thing stop with Santa Claus?  Why are we not telling our kids “There’s a 50-50 chance Mommy and I will wind up divorced”, or “Remember, Sophia, that a meteor could wipe us all out someday!”, or “You will very likely die of a chronic, wasting disease, in a nursing home, hooked up to tubes”?

I mean, is complete, utter, academically-transparent honesty with kids the best policy, or not?

And even if it’s a lie, then learning to deal with cognitive dissonance without falling apart is one of life’s great lessons.  If a kid falls apart because “my parents lied to me about Santa Claus”?  Then the kid isn’t “falling apart because of Santa Claus”, if you catch my drift.

And, frankly, I think dealing, eventually, with the fact that Santa might not be real is a great lesson for kids; having to come to terms with the fact that not all of life is black and white, and that we all have to wrestle with cognitive dissonance, is one of life’s most vital lessons.  I pity the poor kid who doesn’t figure this out until they get rejected by a college or turned down for a promotion or dumped by a boyfriend.

It’s selfish. That’s the biggest reason. Despite their protestations to the contrary, parents don’t do it for the benefit of the children. They do it for their own benefit. When pressed and rebutted, parents will eventually blurt out “But they’re so cute when they believe in Santa!” That’s the real reason, isn’t it?

Yep.  It’s reason.   Not the reason, but one of them.

So what?

Mr. Gobry doesn’t know it, and I suspect never will, but when you have a kid, you’re signing up for eighteen years of joy – and eighteen years of sleepless nights, vacation days spent with sick kids, evenings in urgent care, birthday parties, out-of-tune concerts, looking through hair for nits, puberty, tension, “tough love”, shouting matches, junior high rebellion, head-butting and exhaustion.

You’re damn right I took a moment once a year to enjoy one of the short list of pure unadulterated episodes of crystalline happiness that the whole experience offers.  And f**k you, Pascal-Emanuel “childfree fop” Gobry, for thinking you know better.

UPDATE:  Sure enough, PEG has a kid.

Doesn’t change my point.

25 thoughts on “The “Honesty” Cult

  1. It seems to me, that Generation X were the guinea pigs for the no corporal punishment regime. It was right about the time that they reached the age of puberty that the judicial system started to take down the barrier between the juvenile and adult systems because kids were committing adult sided crimes.

    Also seems to me I read a lot more about kids running wild in the government schools, and showing absolutely no respect for authority, or, more importantly, for the consequences that they may face.

    And why would they? They have never been confronted with a consequence of any importance.

  2. Tell you what, Gobry. You convince a 2nd or 3rd grader to go to school and tell the rest of his or her classmates that there is no Santa, that Santa is a lie. Your can be content in your smug, self-righteous proselytizing, when that child comes home in tears after what their classmates do in response. Also, when the school contacts you to report the disturbance your child created in class.

    Wait…..in today’s public schools, Santa is just as evil as Jesus. Never mind.

    I agree with Mitch’s last sentence. F*** you, you pretentious child-free prick.

  3. Mr. Gobry doesn’t know it, and I suspect never will, but when you have a kid, you’re signing up for eighteen years of joy

    Considering that median age at first birth is 27 or so, and that median life expectancy is 79, 18 years of joy sounds about right. (Ok, I really shouldn’t be so cynical, but with teenagers, it’s tough.)

  4. A lie told in support of The Narrative is not wrong. See, for example, Dan Rather’s “Fake but Accurate” report. Or Mattress Girl’s fake rape crusade.

    Mitch explained how Santa Claus supports The Narrative – free stuff – so there’s no problem with telling kids about Santa. Only a heartless bastard who wants poor children to suffer would rip away the gentle lie that casts a single ray of hope on their miserable lives.

    Hater.

  5. Can’t you just say that Bernie Sanders will come to your house to give you all kinds of free stuff, and it doesn’t matter if you are nice or not.

  6. My youngest turns 21 next week. They were smirking over a video of a song that goes “Here comes fatty with his sack of s**t and all his stink’n reindeer” So I guess they’ve figured it out.

  7. Bernie Sanders Is Coming To Town:

    “He sees you when you’re stupid,
    He knows you have no brain,
    Don’t care if you’ve been bad or good,
    But be good for no discernible reason …”

  8. . You’re not asking kids to actually imagine anything, you’re feeding them beliefs.

    Is anyone missing the big picture? This is a not so overt attack on religious beliefs, G*d in particular.

  9. Now our society doesn’t believe in beating children — and that’s a good thing.

    And look at the entitlement set today. Are they better? To be able to invoke affluenza defence?

  10. Mitch, to pick a nit: according to his Business Insider bio, Mr.Gobry is married and has a daughter. However, he is still full of it. I suggest we kidnap him, tie him to a chair and have him watch “Miracle on 34th St,” the original with John Payne, Natalie Wood, Edmund Guinn and Maureen O’Hara. Better yet, make sure his kid watches it with him.

  11. Terry Pratchett had it right, when he had Death explain the importance of belief to his step-daughter, Susan:

    “All right,” said Susan. “I’m not stupid. You’re saying humans need… fantasies to make life bearable.”

    REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

    “Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—”

    YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

    “So we can believe the big ones?”

    YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

    “They’re not the same at all!”

    YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME…SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

    “Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what’s the point—”

    MY POINT EXACTLY.”

  12. Angryclown doesn’t have any children. That He knows of, anyway. But He does know that Santa is the least of your worries. Your little wingnutlings will reach adulthood with all manner of strange ideas about jet contrails spreading Sharia law, cavemen with pet dinosaurs, Jesus-approved global warming, Planned Parenthood-operated Kentucky Fried Fetus franchises and whatnot. Heck, you far-right kooks gave up distinguishing between reality and fantasy a few decades ago. What’s a little harmless Santa Claus fantasy on top of all that?

    Angryclown wishes you all the best in 2016, Mitch!

  13. It is not enough to teach your children to disbelieve in Santa Claus. You must teach your children to hate Santa Claus with every fiber of their being.

  14. Clownie! Long time, no mindless drivel!

    We live in Minnesota. We LONG for Global Warming. Too bad if you look at the raw surface data it’s going the other way. The climate scientists have to massage the data to make warming appear, and any time you have to “correct” the data like that, a real scientist would doubt the theory.

  15. Pingback: LIVE AT FIVE: 12.31.15 : The Other McCain

  16. I’ve missed your stupidity, Nordberg. Tell me more about how Big Environment is keeping the poor oil companies down with their fancy “science” and “book-learnin’.” Why must reality be so obviously biased against you far-right loonies?

    So you backing Trump or Carson? Neither one crazy enough for you?

  17. Angryclown is always funny. Just not always “ha ha” funny. 😉

    A happy 2016 to all. Even you *points at Angryclown*.

  18. Considering the piles of inane human detritus that filled your shoes, damn glad to see ya assclown!

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