SCENE: Abu Bakr AL-BAGHDADI, leader of ISIS and self-proclaimed “caliph” of the new “Khelifa” or Caliphate, is in a conference with a group of his lieutenants, including Sheikh Abu Ali HABIB.
AL-BAGHDADI: Reports from the front look good. We’re holding the Kurds, we’re gaining ground in Syria, and the Iraqis are folding like a Salafist end-table.
LIEUTENANTS: Allahu Akbar!
AL-BAGHDADI: And the Great Satan is reacting as we expected; with dithering disguised as grand pronouncements.
LIEUTENANTS: Insh’allah!
HABIB: Caliph, I have some bad news.
AL-BAGHDADI: What is it, Sheikh?
HABIB: Little Miss Satanette – President Obama (group snickers) is holding a…
(HABIB pauses, catches breath)
….climate change conference.
(Entire group cringes in horror)
AL-BAGHDADI: That does it. Let’s give up. Find an evangelist; I’ll devote my life to Christ.
(Entire group pauses for a silent beat – then breaks into uproarious laughter)
And SCENE