Pining For The Good Ol’ Days

SCENE:  The handheld camera walks to the door of the basement headquarters of “”.  A crudely hand-lettered sign on the door reads “Wingnuts NOT ALOUD”.   

The camera steps down the stairs into the hidden lair where the magic happens.  Around a table, eyes glued to TV in an entertainment center along the wall, are’s writing staff; Aaron Roston, Gutterball Gary, Cat Scat, Leaky The Beagle, Betty Rae Torstengaardsen and Avery Librelle.   At the head of the table, slouching in a folding chair, nervously running his hand through his hair, is Edmund DuChey, wearing a name-tag that identifies himself as the “Publisher” and “Senior Managing Executive Editor” of  

The assembled group is watching as the closing credits roll on the Democrat debate.  Starting with DuChey, the group breaks into wan applause.  


LEAKY THE BEAGLE:  (Speaking in an absurd phony German accent)  Very intereshtink.

CAT SCAT:  And every word was entirely true!  I Googled it!

AARON ROSTON:  Stupid wingnuts won’t know what hit them.

BETTY RAE TORSTENGAARDSEN:  You know what I liked about Bernie Sanders?  The positions he was talking about were almost identical to the positions of Nelson Rockefeller…

DUCHEY:  (hissing, making “puke” symbol with his finger) He was a Republican

GARY:  Rerthuglicon!

TORSTENGAARDSEN:  Right – the point is, the Democratic party of today is right about where the Republican party was in 1968.

ROSTON:  Right.  And not that different from President Johnson.

DUCHEY:  Peace be unto him.

LIBRELLE:  And that was a time when the US was at its political and economic peak.

SCAT: Let me Google that…yes.  It says so right here on “!”  It’s a fact!

DUCHEY: I just wanna tell the stupid ignorant wingnuts to suck on that:  when the US government was at its most progressive, we were at our economic and political peak.

BEAGLE:  Very intereschtink.

(A brief burst of static and feedback erupts.   A VOICE FROM ABOVE breaks in)

VOICE FROM ABOVE:  Oh, that’s just stupid, people.  Use your brains.  In 1968, the US was the world’s only significant economy.  Japan and Germany were just barely recovered from World War II.  South Korea was trailing North Korea, economically.   Singapore was a poverty-stricken third-world hellhole.  Russia and China were gangster playgrounds that could barely feed their own people – indeed, China was still suffering famines.  India was just descending into the nadir of its experience with socialism, and there was speculation that half of its people would starve to death by 1980.   And we were able to import whatever oil that we didn’t produce, at incredibly favorable rates from impoverished countries that were happy for the business.

In 1968, the US was one of two military superpowers – but it was the only economic superpower.  The entire world was its market.  So the likes of LBJ and Nelson Rockefeller could feel free to  write post-dated checks for fripperies like bottomless entitlement programs and count on the Growth Fairy to let future generations pay for them – because it’d worked just fine for…the previous 20 years or so.

We were like someone who’d just won the lottery, and was spending like there was no tomorrow.

ROSTON:  Who is that?

SCAT:  Let me google that…

TORSTENGAARDSEN:  It’s a voice from above…

SCAT:  Hah!  Johnson wasn’t president until 1972!  It says so on Crooks and!

VOICE:  In the seventies, Germany and Japan’s economies became competitive with ours, and OPEC and Iran sent tremors through our economy by jiggling the oil market on  us.  In the 1980s, South Korea and Singapore became significant players.  In the 1990s, India threw off the worst excesses of socialism, and China pragmatically moved into state cartel capitalism, and suddenly they were legitimate competitors, too.

In other words, the US is no longer an economic hegemon.  Extremely powerful, yes – but not dominant in the way we were in 1968.  Which means we actually have to compete, and be smart.

So it’s fair and accurate to say that the US was at its political and economic peak in 1968 in spite of the likes of Rockefeller and LBJ, not because of them.  And that our position of extreme economic dominance made their variety of entitlement-based government sustainable, for a while, provided that we retained absolute economic supremacy over the entire world.

ROSTON:  This is freaky.

BEAGLE:  Yezz, it izzz



(Camera cuts to exterior shot.  Mitch BERG, holding a bullhorn up to a window casing, looks into the camera lens, as he stands up to walk away)

BERG:  What?  I don’t get to have a little fun, too?

(BERG walks away to a waiting car, as the scene in the basement descends into panicky pandemonium)


30 thoughts on “Pining For The Good Ol’ Days

  1. When Sanders spoke about the “free stuff” enjoyed by the happy subjects of “other major countries” he was talking about Western European social democracies.
    These countries are traditionally hostile to immigrants, and are poorer than the average person in the US. They make less money, they live in smaller houses, they have fewer automobiles, and they pay more in taxes. The last time I looked it up, the wealth and income of the average resident of France was about the same as a Missouri trailer-park dweller.
    The debate should be one of greater economic security (socialism) versus greater economic opportunity (capitalism), but it is not. Thanks to a mainstream media populated by second-rate idiots, the socialist party (Dems) is unchallenged when it says that it will provide both the opportunity of high economic growth AND the social stability.of low economic growth. Jesus Christ on a surfboard . . .

  2. “The debate should be one of greater economic security (socialism) versus greater economic opportunity (capitalism), but it is not.”

    False comparison PB. Socialism doesn’t actually provide economic security, just it’s illusion.

  3. Blue, Sanders called out the Socialist Netherlands in particular. I wish it would have been pointed out of hm that the Golden children, Norway and Sweden, depend on pumping filthy oil out of Mother to subsidize their free stuff. As you might guess, the current glut is wreaking havoc, and they are suggesting people might be forced (gasp) back into a 40 hour work week (Slavery!!!!).

    Now, to be honest, the free stuff can continue for quite some time anyway because the Wegies has ferreted away a lot of cash…good for them.

    But if the Bern thinks American leftists could sit on a pile of cash for more than 10 minutes without spending on more free stuff for their moocher base, he’s been getting bad weed.

  4. I was presently surprised to see an analysis of the debate by Factcheck that called the Dems out for misleading and false statements. Usually, that site has been left leaning.

  5. SmithStCrx, elections are not about delivering anything, they are about promises.
    The socialist part of the US economy — the federal gov — has done damn well under Obama. Hell, it’s not even responsible to congress for its budget anymore. It is free-wheeling.

  6. Interesting fact: “The public sector has declined significantly since Mr. Obama took office (down 550,000 jobs). These job losses have mostly been at the state and local level, but more recently at the Federal level. This has been a significant drag on overall employment.”

    “Currently Obama’s 2nd term is on pace to be the 2nd best ever for private job creation. However, with very few public sector jobs added, Obama’s 2nd term is only on pace to be the fourth best for total job creation.”

  7. Emery, you dick. Those “Federal employees” are the Marines, Sailors, Soldiers and Air Force personnel Mufti Obama has sent packing. He’s got as many worthless, egg sucking AFSCME weasels on the payroll as ever.

    The Mufti’s employment boom in the private sector has benefited Kelly Services and McDonalds.

    You really are a gaping assnozzle.

  8. Why bother, Emery? All of Mitch’s conservative readers know about it, and you won’t benefit from the effort I’d expend explaining it to you.

  9. Pffft. You fucking knob, I heard the little cogs spinning in your empty head before I responded. I’m still not gonna waste my time educating you, but, maybe if you google up the minimum retirement age today vs before 1983 you might see why that lame leftist talking point sounds so stupid to those of us who know the truth.

    Oh fuck it…here


  10. Swift, don’t be such a tosser. You of all people should know not to post while under the influence.

  11. Ahhhh, schooled again and back with a non sequitur repartee and nary an acknowledgment of being p0wned… Ron White was right – you can’t fix stupid.

  12. What Emery is really saying , is, he knows I’m sharper while drunk than he is sober.

    He thinks I’ve been showing off, but the truth is, a reasonably intelligent grade school student that has seen simple leftist minds at work knows what leftists are thinking before the leftists do.

  13. Heh…I shouldn’t, but I can’t help myself. From Emery’s link (emphasis mine):

    Discouragement over job prospects rose during the Great Recession, causing many unemployed people to drop out of the labor force. The rise in the number of prime-age marginally attached workers reflects this trend and can account for some of the decline in participation between 2007 and 2009.

    But most of the postrecession rise in prime-age nonparticipation is from the people who say they don’t currently want a job. How much does that increase reflect trends established well before the recession, and how much can be attributed to the recession and slow recovery? It’s hard to say with much certainty. For example, participation by prime-age men has been on a secular decline for decades, but the pace accelerated after 2007—see here for more discussion.

    Undoubtedly, some people will reenter the labor market as it strengthens further, especially those who left to undertake additional training. But for others, the prospect of not finding a satisfactory job will cause them to continue to stay out of the labor market.

    If leftists dolts are too lazy to even bother to read the info they dredge up to support their delusions, why should we waste our time trying to educate them?

  14. Just to spare you further embarrassment, what that means, Emery, is people are not interested in the McJobs the Obamaconomy has created.

    Like I said.

  15. Look at you go cupcake! Stitching words together in an attempt to make a thoughtful, coherent sentence. My head has exploded: I need to sign up for disability.

  16. Emery, if you were floating in space, your head would still implode, not explode.

  17. The reality is that some commenters will never say anything worth hearing, but in Swift’s case tend to produce the most output.

  18. “The reality is that some commenters will never say anything worth hearing”

    More self referential humor from Emery! *claps*

    It wouldn’t normally be humor, but then you consider the source … 😉

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