To Mr. Chunk, Wherever And Whoever You May Be
By Mitch Berg
To: The Piece Of Garbage Throwing Chunks of Cement at Bikers in Minneapolis
From: Just Plain Mitch Berg
Re: Consequences
Big Guy With The White Bronco And The Cement Chunks,
Just a hint for you before you go throwing any more chunks of cement at bikers; it is – I’m speaking purely hypothetically, here – possible that not every Twin Cities biker is a sprout-eating, Whole-Foods-shopping, Betsy-Hodges-upsucking, NPR-listening, pacifism-endorsing (against everyone but people who shoot lions), Obama-voting, coffee-shop-folk-music-listening, Daily-Show-watching Peace Studies major.
Again, I’m speaking purely hypothetically, here.
Just saying. Go back to pulling the wings off of moths and torturing cats. They probably can’t fight back. You’re clearly into that.
That is all .
August 10th, 2015 at 12:43 pm
OK, murderous guy driving a (slow) white Bronco and wearing a glove (that probably didn’t fit). I think we’ve got a suspect….except for the fact that ‘ol Orenthal is still incarcerated at this point.
And let’s be blunt here; would it kill the Star-Tribune to give a basic description of the perp? Maybe perceived size, weight, build, skin color, hair, clothing….honestly, if you want to prevent people from being apprehended, you could do little better than this.
August 10th, 2015 at 1:33 pm
Remember when I was ranting about getting bicycles out of the traffic lanes? Here’s another reason it’s a good idea.
August 10th, 2015 at 2:24 pm
Joe, that still leaves the places–ahem, your city is on a grid–where the rights-of-way for cyclists and motorists would cross, even if you could persuade homeowners to double their property taxes and eliminate their lawns to provide dedicated bike lanes. Sorry, doesn’t work.
Never mind the reality that a criminal or lunatic is going to find another outlet for his criminality, even if you could entirely separate roadways from bikeways. Let’s put the effort into putting guys like this in jail, not in producing padded cells to sort of kind of protect the other kids from the bully without actually doing so.
August 10th, 2015 at 3:29 pm
Let’s try to remember who the target of the crime is, here.
August 10th, 2015 at 4:11 pm
I think it’s the NATURE of the crime that’s important. This kind of violence usually escalates and becomes even more depraved.
August 10th, 2015 at 4:24 pm
Time to start #BikeLivesMatter?
August 10th, 2015 at 7:09 pm
This kind of violence usually escalates and becomes even more depraved.
I dunno — this seemed plenty depraved.