(SCENE: In the rotunda of the New Jersey state capitol in Trenton, at the swearing-in ceremony for Corey BOOKER, new junior Senator from Exit 18 on the Garden State Parkway. BOOKER is being sworn in by Governor Chris CHRISTIE, in a ceremony attended by a clot of various Jersey dignitaries).
(Fade in on CHRISTIE administering the last part of the oath of office)
BOOKER: “…to the best of my ability, so help me Sinatra”.
(Round of applause as BOOKER waves to the audience and CHRISTIE steps back to the dignitary seating. BOOKER steps to the mike).
BOOKER: Thank you. Thank you. (Applause dies down). Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
(Audience trades glances as hall falls silent).
BOOKER: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. Thanks.
BOOKER: Thanks. First, I want to thank Governor Christie for giving me the most eloquent introduction since the one I gave at the funeral of my old friend, T-Bone the Crack Dealer. He became a close confidante after trying to kill me with a chain saw after he accused me of cheating at cards in a pick-up 3-card monte game at a casino at Atlantic City in between rounds of my World Series of Poker championship, where I was partying with Kim Kardashian and her father Robert, talking about the time I held a dying Nicole Simpson in my arms after she was shot by Biggie Smalls. T-Bone told me “You are without a doubt the most competent, sensitive, and yet totally boss brother in history”, just before I hit my four million dollar jackpot. And then hit it with…Amy Adams. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Not since I was governor of Philadelphia have I felt such a sense of profound calling…
CHRISTIE: (Sotto voce) Er, Senator? You were mayor. Of Newark.
BOOKER: Er…really? Newark?
BOOKER: Are you sure?
BOOKER: I need a second opinion. Mr. Springsteen?
SPRINGSTEEN: Yep. Newark.
BOOKER: You wrote “Rosalita” about me, didn’t you?
SPRINGSTEEN: (stares blankly, mouth moving, but no sound coming out)
BOOKER: And about that city with the giant Exxon sign?
SPRINGSTEEN: Er – that was “Jungleland”
BOOKER: You wrote “Jungleland” about me? And T-Bone?
CHRISTIE (Sotto Voce to an aide) Maybe Booker was “Eddie” in “Meeting Across the River”
BOOKER: Anyway – not since I was archduke of Manhattan have I…
CHRISTIE (exasperated): Mayor of Newark!
BOOKER (impatient): Are you sure? Newark? Really?
BOOKER: What state is that in?