SCENE: MITCH runs into Avery LIBRELLE at a bar. It is August 1, 2018. LIBRELLE is slumped, clearly intoxicated, nursing an Appletini. Four empty Appletini glasses are arrayed on the table.
MITCH: Wow, Avery. Kinda tying one on, are we?
MITCH: What’s the matter?
LIBRELLE: Ummmm…I don’t even know. Feeling…disillusioned?
MITCH: (Orders a Smythwicks) Why?
LIBRELLE: Remember all those gay couples who got married five years ago today?
MITCH: The ones that got all the non-stop media coverage? Hard to forget.
LIBRELLE: Well, the statistics show they have…(chokes back a sob)
MITCH: They have what?
LIBRELLE: The…same divorce rate as breeders!
LIBRELLE: And some turned out to be awful spouses! Just like…
MITCH: Go ahead, say it.
LIBRELLE: Just like breeders!
MITCH: I know. On Cops the other night they showed an episode where the cops intervened in a gay domestic at a trailer park in Mobile Alabama. As they dragged a woman wearing sweats off to the car, another woman can out of the house yelling “I love you, Ashley! I’ll be down to bail you out…”, just like…(Notices LIBRELLE is sobbing quietly) – Hey, buck up little camper. Didn’t you all figure gay people were pretty much just like people?
LIBRELLE: (Angry) NO! They were supposed to show breeders what real love was! Because they were marrying for love!
MITCH: Yeah, but wasn’t that an absurd expectation…
LIBRELLE: How could something that so pissed off wingnuts and the Catholic Church be so…
LIBRELLE: Yes! (Head starts to wobble a bit)
MITCH: So you were actually under the impression that gays were better, more virtuous people because the state hadn’t conferred the right to marry on them?
LIBRELLE: Right. Oppression equals nobility! Everyone knows that!
MITCH: Unless they’re gun owners in Chicago, conservatives on campus, or vendors of faith who are dragged into court by gay couples for whose weddings they conscientiously object to providing services?
LIBRELLE: (before even a beat has passed) Right.
MITCH: Look, Avery – marriage is a very difficult thing. It’s about completely wrapping your life around and about another person, and usually eventually a bunch of little people, and figuring out how to focus your life on someone else, ideally without completely losing yourself, although that’s way down the list of priorities. It’s about realizing you’re not the most important thing in the world anymore. I’m no expert – and I’ve got the court paperwork to prove it – but whether you’re gay or straight, it’s not just about having a fabulous ceremony and a cool honeymoon, and least of all about making a political and social statement to other people. In fact, getting married to show someone else, whether it’s your parents or your ex or the rest of society or even yourself, may be the worst of the “bad reasons” that people get married for…
(MITCH notices LIBRELLE has passed out. He puts a $20 on the table, motions to the bartender, and walks away).