Open Letter To The Fellow In the University Avenue Rainbow Parking Lot
By Mitch Berg
Yes, my good friend, it would seem you’ve been hitting some hard times.
I’m truly, truly sorry to hear that your car has broken down. It can be a real hassle when cars break down.
And it’s sad that your daughter is sick, and needs to get to Regions. I’ve been there; trying to take care of family emergencies with a balky car can be harrowing, for sure.
And it’s drastically bad luck that she’s in the car right now in her condition, with Mom over on a side street out of sight of this parking lot. Gawd, that has to stink.
And I know – I know! – that you are under immense stress. The tone of your voice truly says it all. I feel your pain and your stress, on a level perhaps deeper than you might suspect.
And I know this is the kind of time that you could use a helping hand from a stranger – say, $100 to get your car towed and catch a cab down to Regions. Christian charity is a powerful thing, and Minnesotans are rightly famous for it.
I do feel I should lend you the hand you need. I feel it in the pit of my gut.
And I’d feel it a lot more if this weren’t the second time you, yourself, have tried this con on me in this self-same parking lot in the past year.
That is all.
November 18th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Mitch! I get them all the time in that lot. Mostly in Rainbow lot, but also in the nearby Borders and Cub lots. But Rainbow is by the Snelling/University intersection (and Big Top Liquors….or perhaps a dealer conducts commerce nearby).
Last time I got hit up, the guy didn’t make up a story, he just asked for free money. I gave him a buck and said “I’m doing this because you didn’t tell me some lame-ass story about a flat tire, or being out of gas, or whatever”.
Most ambitious guy said he had a flat tire and found a replacement tire for $22. None of this $5 for cab fare, this guy went for it all.
November 18th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Hey, I’ve met the “replacement tire” guy!
November 18th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Wouldn’t it just be easier (and more lucrative) to get a job….any job?!
November 18th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Never underestimate the amount of work people will do to avoid work.
Being a successful panhandler requires thee sames skills it would take to be a successful salesperson. If you’re going to use your people skills to harass people for money all day why not get a job doing the same thing with benefits?
November 18th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Simple. No taxes.
November 18th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Wow, what hard luck! To have the same hardships happen to a guy twice in the same year!
I was walking into Mel’s Diner in Berzerkley, near UC-B about 10 years ago, & was approached by a woman who disparately needed $10 to feed her hungry child who she claimed was around the corner. I told her to get her child & come in to the diner & I’d buy them anything they wanted.
Her response… a 5 second stare followed by a hearty “F**K YOU!”
November 18th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
ARGH! “Desparately” not disparately
November 18th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
That’s the right answer. I would have told him to grab the family and I would drop them off at the hospital, right now. That sort of offer usually gets you either an excuse, in this case “how do I get back” or “what about my car,” which you can answer similarly. “I’ll wait for you and drive you home” and/or “loan me your keys and I’ll get your car fixed.” Then you can walk away guilt free, and save what by then are usually a dozen or so onlookers the trouble of being harassed.
November 18th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
I like the guys that are straight up. An “I need a beer” sign always get a buck from me.
November 18th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Columbus Ohio 1998-“I’m from Texas and have my pregnant wife in the car. I just graduated from Devry and have a job here, but we ran out of gas.”
Wichita Kansas 2003-“I’m from Texas and have my pregnant wife in the car. I just graduated from Devry and have a job here, but we ran out of gas.”
What are the freaking odds?
waaaay back in 1982 or 3 I was working at a convience store 3rd shift. Had a guy begging from people for money because he hadnt eaten in a couple of days. One guy bought him a sandwich. He thanked the guy profusely and as soon as he left, he brought it up to the counter and wanted to return it. I refused. He pulled out a huge roll and bought some chips and pop.
I also have given money to people who tell me they want a beer.
November 18th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
My favorite was a guy in a motorized wheelchair on the sidewalk by Garage A in Mpls (accross the street from 1st Ave). He said “Hey man”, wiggled the joystick on the handle and then “I need some cash so I can buy a new battery for my chair”.
I looked around and then asked the obvious question. “How the Hell did you get here?” Shades of Eddy Murphy in Trading Places.
November 18th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Shush, Colleen. You don’t want them to get the idea of running for office. We’ve got enough people capable of repeating the same bald-faced lies over and over without guilt or regret already.
At least Mitch’s account lets us know that Nick Coleman may still be able to provide for his familly when the Strib goes under.
November 18th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
At least Mitch’s account lets us know that Nick Coleman may still be able to provide for his familly when the Strib goes under.
Yep. I can see Nick already standing at the offramp from northbound 35W to New Brighton Boulevard (an always popular homeless platform) holding a sign that says “will bash Archbishop Nienstedt for food.”
November 18th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Angryclown always tells ’em he’d be glad to help, but doesn’t have all that much money. So why don’t we go to the police precinct around the corner and see if the desk sergeant has any advice. If New York’s Finest can’t help, Angryclown will be glad to.
November 18th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Visited an antique/used book store on Payne Ave in East St Paul a while back. Saw a book I think my brother would like. I said to the owner “I think my brother may like this book, but I should talk to him first. I’ll be in the area tomorrow, what time do you open”.
He replied: “Well, officially at 10, but the liquor store next door opens at 10 and I tend to get drunks coming in looking for change to buy booze, so usually I unlook the doors at 10:10.”
November 18th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
My line would be:
“hey, buddy, I’d love to help you out, but my pregnant wife is on fire and I need all the scratch I got to buy a fire extinguisher”.
November 19th, 2008 at 1:59 am
University of Minnesota, about 12 years ago as a student. I’d just gotten paid from my lowly student job, written my rent check out, had some cash in pocket, and was walking across the Wash. Ave. Bridge from the West Bank when I see a guy saying he hadn’t eaten in two days, could someone help him out?
I took him to Subway, bought him the combo deal, etc., he thanked me politely, and I went back to my apartment fro a couple hours before I went to College Bowl practice (yes, I was a big geek). As I’m walking to Coffman, lo and behold, there’s Sandwich Guy, using the same line. When he saw me approaching with a half-amused/half-irked look on my face, he ambled off down the Mall without looking me in the eye.
November 19th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
“When he saw me approaching with a half-amused/half-irked look on my face, he ambled off down the Mall without looking me in the eye.”
Why? He probably needed a beer to go with that foot long…too bad I didn’t happen to be there!