The Little Person Who Cried “There Is No Wolf!”
By Mitch Berg
SCENE: Mitch BERG is running his snowblower down his sidewalk. Avery LIBRELLE walks by, eating a granola bar.
LIBRELLE: Why do you hate gay people?
BERG: (shuts off snow blower): Huh?
LIBRELLE: (dribbling granola crumbs onto sidewalk) Why do you oppose gay marriage? You’re a bigot!
BERG: Er, no. As we’ve discussed over and over again, I favor civil unions on libertarian grounds.
LIBRELLE: Hah. Two people who love each other should be able to marry.
BERG: Right, but marriage isn’t about love. Not entirely, anyway. It’s pretty utilitarian, actually. It’s about raising kids – and the notion of gay marriage devalues gender, which I think is a huge mistake, since gender is so hugely important in raising kids. In our society, it’s also about taxes. Personally, I think government should get out of the business of granting favors through the institution of marriage, but I think gay people should be able to sign contracts with each other.
LIBRELLE: Pfft. What are you afraid of?
BERG: Er, yeah. On the one hand, that question is an abusive strawman. I’m not “afraid” of the notion of same sex marriage. But I’m definitely worried about some of the potential consequences.
LIBRELLE: (Spit-takes, blasting granola flakes all over the place) Huh? What are you talking about?
BERG: It is inevitable than once you legalize gay marriage, government will oppress any person, business or institution that disagrees with it.
LIBRELLE: Hah! People who support marriage equality are very sensitive to diversity of opinion, you paranoid teabagger! And the First Amendment protects your observance of religion absolutely!
BERG: Right, just like First Amendment absolutely protects my right to hold government accountable, or free association, or choice for my children, or the Second Amendment absolutely protects my right to keep and bear arms, the Fourth absolutely protects me from unreasonable searches and seizures, the Fifth absolutely grants me due process and the right to face my accuser in court, and the Tenth guarantees the enumeration of powers absolutely.
LIBRELLE: What are you, a lawyer? That’s just paranoid!
BERG: So it’s your position that the full weight and power and budget of government isn’t going to descend upon anyone who doesn’t embrace gay marriage?
LIBRELLE: Yep. Paranoid paranoid paranoid. Cray cray.
BERG: Huh. Good to know it’s just paranoia:
Attorney General Bob Ferguson has filed a consumer protection lawsuit against a florist who refused to provide wedding flowers to a same-sex couple.
The complaint was filed in Benton County on Tuesday against Barronelle Stutzman, owner of Arlene’s Flowers and Gifts in Richland.
The lawsuit is in response to a March 1 incident where she refused service to longtime customer Robert Ingersoll. Stutzman did not return a call Tuesday night seeking comment. Ferguson had sent a letter on March 28 asking her to comply with the law, but said Stutzman’s attorneys responded Monday saying she would challenge any state action to enforce the law.
Washington state voters upheld a same-sex marriage law in November, and the lawtook effect in December. The state’s anti-discrimination laws were expanded in 2006 to include sexual orientation.
Ferguson seeks a permanent injunction requiring the store to comply with the state’s consumer protection laws and seeks at least $2,000 in fines.
LIBRELLE: You’re a racist and you hate womyn!
BERG: Right, I got that. But the point is, the precendent is there; government squats on opponents of social policy!
LIBRELLE: That’s Canada!
BERG: Right. But it’s the pattern all governments follow when they want to impose social policy.
LIBRELLE: (throws granola wrapper on BERG’s snow-covered lawn) Why do you dance on the graves of the children of Newtown?
And SCENE
April 11th, 2013 at 9:14 am
Thanks for this. I’ve never quite understood those Libertarians who seem to think putting the government to work prosecuting bakers and B&B owners will somehow reduce the power of the state.
April 11th, 2013 at 10:21 am
Remember those signs…”We reserve the right to refuse service”?
I know, I know…Old School American.
April 11th, 2013 at 11:01 am
“BERG: It is inevitable than once you legalize gay marriage, government will oppress any person, business or institution that disagrees with it.”
I didn’t open your links, so not sure if these 2 cases are part of them, but…its not just the Catholic church and Boy Scouts that the gaystapo has gone after. They want special services that normally aren’t offered. You’ll recall:
-Bakery in a public market in Cleveland. Homosexuals came to them and asked for rainbow flag cupcakes. Bakery owner said she doesn’t do special orders, but will sell them anything in her counter. They went after her and had her kicked out of the market. She lost her business.
-You mention B&B. The one in Illinois….the homosexuals said they want to hold a “marriage” at her place. She (owner) said she is a traditional Christians and doesn’t beleive in homosexual marriage, but would be happy to host them at her B&B anyway. Just not have a “marriage” ceremony at her place. They went after her and are working to have her business shut down.
This is what we face.
April 11th, 2013 at 11:06 am
And the photographer in…somewhere in the SW. And right now California is running a law through the state legislature to remove the BSA’s tax exempt status.
April 11th, 2013 at 11:15 am
Looked up for news on the case you sight above, and found another one:
PORTLAND, Ore — The Oregon attorney general’s office is investigating a complaint against a Gresham, Ore., bakery that refused to make a cake for a gay wedding.