God Loves A Drunk
By Mitch Berg
A Wisconsin fella survives a drunken 16-story fall after a night of drinking:
After a night out drinking, Joshua Hanson was horsing around with two friends on the 17th floor of the Hyatt Regency in downtown Minneapolis early Saturday morning when he apparently lost his balance and crashed through a floor-to-ceiling window.
He fell 16 stories.
Hanson, 29, landed feet first on a roof overhang near the hotels main entrance along the Nicollet Mall, Minneapolis police said, and he was taken to Hennepin County Medical Center.
Hospital officials werent reporting on his condition Saturday night, but police and fire officials said he had multiple broken bones and internal injuries.
He must have “an angel on his shoulder or something,” said Minneapolis police Lt. Dale Barsness. “Hes a lucky guy.”This is one of the most amazing reports Ive ever read,” said police Lt. Amelia Huffman.
I wish Mr. Hanson well. And if you’re in town for a convention for a game where drinking is a part of the culture, please don’t lurch drunkenly through windows.
January 21st, 2007 at 8:42 am
Oh, He does indeed! There was a local man (well, he’s still alive but “dry”) who was legend in surviving drunken escapades. One story tells of him standing up in the bed of a pickup to take a pee…and falling out at 55 mph. He just rolled a bit and scratches were all he had to show for it. One other story had a group of people standing around a wrecked car while the cops searched inside for survivors. One onlooker asked the fellow next to him if he knew who had been driving. As the car was literally wrapped around a tree, it looked bad for the driver. The fellow just shrugged and looked nonplussed-he had no idea who it may have been. Come to find out, it was himself-he had gotten out and was walking around before anyone arrived on the scene (this is out in the country) and really did not know that he had been the driver. Wasn’t hurt at all!
January 21st, 2007 at 2:17 pm
…and just 20 years later, he was elected President of the United States.
January 21st, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Thank you, clown, we can always count on you to be off-topic, unkind and generally misanthropic. I almost forgot that your preference is for drunks not to reform, then continue their service in the Senate, groping every wench in sight and having sex under tables.
January 21st, 2007 at 4:09 pm
mefolks, how dare you talk about the former President like that. George Herbert Walker Bush made it quite clear that his affairs were not to be discussed in public.
January 21st, 2007 at 8:45 pm
Doug, you’re like a “liberal” Michael Savage.
January 21st, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Oh please. I’m a smart ass. He’s a flaming nutjob.
January 21st, 2007 at 9:25 pm
You say to-mah-to…
January 22nd, 2007 at 1:46 am
Doug, even you are not obtuse enough to miss the reference to Teddy “Swimcoach” Kennedy.
January 22nd, 2007 at 2:17 am
Doug, I’ll buy your “smart ass” admission. Judging from your comments, that is the only part of you that contains a scintilla of intelligence. If there had been any hint of Poppa Bush having been a drunken adulterer, we would have seen it in the press. You are just tossing out inanities and revealing yourself to be a jackass with a totally unjustified high self-image.
January 22nd, 2007 at 7:14 am
Yeah, Doug, can’t you keep your Bushes straight? Bush 41 is the adulterer. Bush 43 is the drunk.
January 22nd, 2007 at 7:25 am
Clown, the “angry” part is appropriate. There is a rage at the core of your being. Please, if you have documentation of the infidelity of Poppa Bush, share it with those of us who do not share your glorious state of enlightenment. As to the current president, calling him a reformed drunk would be more accurate. I don’t recall you calling Congressmen who crash into the Tidal Basin with a stripper on board or Senators who drown their aides and to this day grope strange women at parties drunks. Would that your sensitivity towards those afflicted with alcohol addiction be spread across the political spectrum, and also relate somewhat to efforts to recover.
January 22nd, 2007 at 7:58 am
Mitch, you removed my post. I’m hurt.
and mefolkes, you really seem to be angry at Ted Kennedy and awfully defensive of Bush Senior.
“If there had been any hint of Poppa Bush having been a drunken adulterer, we would have seen it in the press.
I didn’t say he was a drunken adulterer. I said that HE refused to discuss the allegations of an extra marital affair. As for providing documentation, adulterers usually are pretty good about hiding their actions.
I’m up for dragging his sorry ass in front of a grand jury to ask him about it under oath though. How about you?
January 22nd, 2007 at 8:05 am
Doug, okay, continue to be a wiseguy. Show us why your allegations of Poppa Bush being an adulterer are germane. Except for Michigan, under odd circumstances, no one is now criminally prosecuted for adultery, even in those states where it is on the books as a crime. Show us that a crime was committed, that the statute of limitations has not expired, that there is a compelling public interest in a special-case prosecution, and I may join you in your demand for the grand jury and compelled testimony. Oh, I forgot, you’re a lefty, and you just love trumped up perjury charges. Well, if Bush 41 declined to comment on allegations of moonbats, that just does not measure up to perjury. So, having nothing significant to say in this matter, please spare us your snarky and smarmy comments.
January 22nd, 2007 at 9:42 am
mefolkes said,
“please spare us your snarky and smarmy comments.
Well who died and made you little Miss blog monitor?
January 22nd, 2007 at 10:59 am
I didn’t say he was a drunken adulterer. I said that HE refused to discuss the allegations of an extra marital affair. As for providing documentation, adulterers usually are pretty good about hiding their actions.
Ah. So absence of evidence is proof of guilt.
Interesting.
January 22nd, 2007 at 10:59 am
Mitch, you removed my post. I’m hurt.
No, I aborted a non-viable text mass.
January 22nd, 2007 at 11:10 am
Mitch said,
“Ah. So absence of evidence is proof of guilt.”
No but isn’t is neat-o that refusing to discuss the subject proves one’s innocence in rightwing world?
January 22nd, 2007 at 11:16 am
Say, Democrats – is someone’s personal life their personal life, or is it not?
Since it didn’t happen in the Oval Office, and wasn’t lied about under oath, it’s really none of your prurient, giggly business.
Buy a Penthouse like everyone else, bigfella.
January 22nd, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Doug, I would say that Mitch has done a pretty good job of emasculating you in this thread, except that I suspect that someone else did it long ago. I should add that it is hardly being a petulant blog monitor to point out annoyingly off-topic, inane and cruel remarks, and it is hardly out of line for someone to respond to personal attacks in a fight they did not start. So, Doug, have you stopped screwing your mother and sister yet? If not, why not? And why might that make you angry and defensive? Also, what is with the gender confusion of your charge against me? Are you trying the classic leftist attack against a conservative by saying they are homosexuals? Aren’t you further stigmatizing and traumatizing homosexuals by such tactics? You think that conservatives are the worst devil’s spawn to exist in the history of the world, and you try to link us with the poor Gays? Oh, I’m very happily heterosexual. Sorry to disappoint you, if that was your point. Those of my friends who are homosexual have no confusion about either my orientation or my potential for “homophobia”. And no one else has ever made a mistake about my orientation.
January 22nd, 2007 at 2:50 pm
I make a comment about mefolks acting all uppity and prissy and he responds with;
“Also, what is with the gender confusion of your charge against me? Are you trying the classic leftist attack against a conservative by saying they are homosexuals? Aren’t you further stigmatizing and traumatizing homosexuals by such tactics? You think that conservatives are the worst devil’s spawn to exist in the history of the world, and you try to link us with the poor Gays? Oh, I’m very happily heterosexual. Sorry to disappoint you, if that was your point. Those of my friends who are homosexual have no confusion about either my orientation or my potential for “homophobia”. And no one else has ever made a mistake about my orientation.
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
That was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time…
Thanks for the chuckle
January 22nd, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Sigh.
I start a thread about a miraculous survival – which, assuming he pulls through, is something we should be thankful about.
And it’s turned to…
…oh, who cares.
January 22nd, 2007 at 10:10 pm
Sorry but, “Oh, I’m very happily heterosexual. and “You think that conservatives are the worst devil’s spawn to exist in the history of the world” is just too funny. You won’t get gems like that without departures every now and then…
January 22nd, 2007 at 10:25 pm
Doug, you toss words like “prissy”, “little miss” and “lady” at me and you think that I should accept it with equanimity and understand that a completely stable personality is behind such pointed words? You are a nut case, with a mean streak thrown in. You and Clown hijacked the thread. I merely protested the hijacking and was personally attacked. My apologies to Mitch Doug, people who know me think that I have a delightful sense of humor. As a matter of fact, I write jokes, one of which was used by Johnny Carson many years ago. It is interesting that people such as you find such hilarity in reasoned speech. Now, a parting word of wisdom from a Norwegian, trolls turn to stone in the daylight, so be very, very careful.
January 22nd, 2007 at 10:38 pm
mefolkes, you need some context on good ole Doug. He quit “management to work in retail so he could spend more time with his family” (Don Rumsfeld just did that!). He is an unofficial “poll observer” for Move-On.Can’t. He is a Multi-Level Marketer!!! He likes to mock children.
Doug is a Democrat. They are welcome to him. I suspect he is more representative than exceptional.
January 22nd, 2007 at 11:21 pm
Kermit, thanks for the pointers. I seem to recall similar tidbits about the fellow in the past. It’s an insecure person who mocks anyone just to have fun. I draw a distinction between that and lampooning people who have made asses of themselves, or committed crimes. I’ve had sporadic fights with people of Doug’s caliber over the years. Even though I realize that one cannot reason with the rabid, I still try. I remember counter-protesting at the big McGovern/anti-war rally on the mall at the University of Minnesota in ’72. There were about fifteen or so of us who marched through the crowd with our signs. Vin Weber was one of our group. Not only were we verbally taunted about being stupid and on someone’s payroll, but we were physically assaulted. We were punched, kicked and spat upon. I got lucky and received all three forms of abuse. The rage I saw in the crowd had lost any touch of reason. That has become the hallmark of the Left. I welcome rational debate with leftists, but there are so few these days who are capable of it.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:27 am
“It’s an insecure person who mocks anyone just to have fun.”
Thanks for the psychological insight, Mary.
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:43 am
Clown, my name is Mark. And what I said before about the compulsion to attempt insults based on gender twisting still holds. As far as the psychological insight, I have half of the credits needed for my master’s degree in psychology, and I’ve talked with my Ph.D. clinical psychologist cousin in Dubuque about you and Doug, and he agrees with me. Get help.
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:19 pm
mefolkes,
I have to do this periodically.
Let me introduce you to my old pal Angryclown. He’s a New York liberal lawyer and journalist, so he’s spent a LOT of time and money banishing common sense from his worldview.
What he is, besides one of the funniest guys I know, is the consummate button-pushing snark machine; among Great White Snarks, you could call him Jaws. He is, in fact, what most liberal bloggers aspire to be, but none can approach the Clown for sheer fluency.
And, like so many New Yorkers, he regards any reference to points west of Fort Lee as an invitation to chortle, in that way that people who are REALLY having second thoughts about their place and choices do about everyone else.
The best response to the Clown, I always say, is “I’m rubber, you’re that sticky goo that stuck to your pants on the subway the other morning that looks suspiciously like the glob of mucus that bum was playing with before you took his seat; things bounce off of me, and stick like a federal corruption indictment of a NY City Councilman to you”. Smile, enjoy the snark, and wish Clown luck in convincing the eight union contractors who came out to fix his stove not to urinate behind his fridge.
That way, we can all get along.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Mitch, okay, I appreciate the tutorial. I know a top New York attorney who probably has bumped into Clown, but my friend, although somewhat liberal, retains sanity, cordiality and dignity. That probably makes him something of an exception. You have perhaps seen a side of Clown’s humor that is absent his trademark vicious streak, so I’ll take you at your word, having seen no trace of it myself. I’ll give the guy something of a break for living out in New York. That city has a highly corrosive effect on personalities. I visit there as seldom as is possible, the last time just months before the Islamic Urban Renewal Project. If Clown is reading this, I’ll give him more to laugh about. I’m also a small town Midwestern Norwegian-American. I believe in God, honor, respect and dignity. Now, Clown, before you totally lose control laughing, advise someone who cares about you to call the paramedics so your heightened blood pressure doesn’t cause you a stroke.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:49 pm
That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said about Angryclown.
Actually, that’s the only nice thing anyone has ever said about Angryclown.
Don’t get emotional, Mark, your mascara will run.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:02 pm
You have perhaps seen a side of Clown’s humor that is absent his trademark vicious streak
Oh, let’s not get carried away here. Nobody has seen any such thing!
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Clown, I do realize that you plague us with your snarky comments because you have the safety of anonymity here. Living in New York, saying such things in public would result in your widow running off to the tropics with her new boyfriend, all paid for by your life insurance. It is a shame that you chose to reveal your dark side to us. From what Mitch has to say about you, there might be some very positive facets to your personality. Are we your punching bag, a way of working off stress from being a lawyer and living in Noo Yawk? Does this allow you to live a somewhat normal life and not punch, or worse, everyone in sight?
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Mitch, sorry, I guess I need to go over your post again. My apologies, Clown. I didn’t mean to say anything nice about you.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Some clarification needed…
He quit “management to work in retail so he could spend more time with his family”
Partially true. More accurately, I quit the 60+ mile daily commute to Bloomington for a job that I found wholly unfulfilling and while yes, I was in management, it really was irrelevant because my boss was a 24 year old Carlson Schools of Management Whiz Kid with zero common sense and even less management qualifications. I took a job designing kitchens in a retail establishment because I am a designer by training. The pay, while not fantastic was sufficient to pay the mortgage and “put food on my family” and because I paid my own way through four years of college doing kitchen and bathroom design and installation, carpentry, plumbing and electrical, it was easy for me to jump right in and do the job. Plus I really like the color orange.
He is an unofficial “poll observer” for Move-On.Can’t.
And will be again in two years.
He is a Multi-Level Marketer!!!
No… BradC is the Multi-Level Marketer. I was poking fun at him for his claim that he was an entrepreneur when he actually sells Amway – not that there’s anything wrong with that.
He likes to mock children.
I made a comment once to a parent – who shall remain nameless – about their 14 year old – 250+ pound kid. Most kids who are 250 + pounds at 14 are usually that heavy because of a deficiency in – shall we say – parenting skills? Regardless, what Kermit fails to mention is that I apologized to said parent – who shall remain nameless – for jumping to that conclusion. Turns out that the kid is just a big kid.
I’m sure that the failure to mention my apology was a simple oversight otherwise I would have to conclude that kermit want’s to intentionally project the idea that I am just a big, awful, mean person.
I’m sure that’s not the case though right kermit because that would just be intellectually dishonest and I know you’re not like that – right kermit?
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:25 pm
And my lifes ambition is to be the Angry Clown of the midwest. In fact, I’m thinking AC could franchise himself much like Puke and Snot did for the Renaisance festivals.
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Angry Clown of the midwest
Given Clown’s regional chauvinism, that’s sort of like wanting to be the Pope of Islam.
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Doug, there is something wrong with selling Amway. And Angryclown would not be caught dead at a Renaissance Faire, Star Trek Convention or Young Republicans gathering.
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:38 pm
Doug, there is something wrong with selling Amway.
Lemme guess – Doug succeeded at it, and Clown failed?
And Angryclown would not be caught dead at a…Young Republicans gathering.
I wouldn’t bet the rent on that.
January 23rd, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Are there free drinks?
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:56 pm
Mitch, nice slam-dunks. Clown, you might be making your protege, Doug, cry. Also, I think that you missed Mitch’s point. If you went to a Young Republicans gathering, and couldn’t hold your venomous tongue, you might well be caught DEAD. Or perhaps Mitch merely meant that you could not resist the temptation to razz a bunch of us in person.
January 23rd, 2007 at 6:27 pm
mefolks said,
“Mitch, nice slam-dunks.”
Hey Mitch, is the ban on making comments about reach arounds still in effect?
January 23rd, 2007 at 6:35 pm
And Mitch, I’ve never sold Amway. The closest to anything like that was right after I graduated from highschool and I helped a buddy sell Rainbow vacuums cleaners.
Worst – job – ever. Period.
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Hey Mitch, is the ban on making comments about reach arounds still in effect?
Unless they involve Minnesota Monitor and George Soros, I’m afraid so.
The closest to anything like that was right after I graduated from highschool and I helped a buddy sell Rainbow vacuums cleaners.
Worst – job – ever. Period.
Angryclown? Merry Christmas.
Doug? I feel your pain. Although only vicariously. I’ve been lucky enough never to do MLM or work with food…