Priorities
By Mitch Berg
Apparently society can’t stop teenage children from drinking, drugs and having sex because, in the words of not a few cultural liberals…:
Dude, teenagers are going to drink, try drugs and have sex!
But not only can we apparently prevent them from smoking and drinking Big Gulps of pop, but it is s societal imperative to do so.
Do I have that right?
November 30th, 2012 at 12:47 pm
I say schools should dispense 3.2 beer to the kids. It is good to practice safe drinking. If the kids are going to drink anyway (kids will be kids), then at least we can provide them with safe ways to do this and to minimize the consequences.
November 30th, 2012 at 2:01 pm
Chuck-
Are you insane!?!
3.2 Schmidt is the gateway drug to Coors Light.
November 30th, 2012 at 3:20 pm
Don’t forget “eating salty food”: an ancient evil whose time is at an end.
But yeah, sure, we can’t stop kids from doing anything.
November 30th, 2012 at 3:21 pm
Oh, and smoking.
November 30th, 2012 at 3:23 pm
After the whole “war on big gulps” they will get to ending the menace of “late trains”. As all good fascists want to do, it seems.
November 30th, 2012 at 3:40 pm
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch . . . you just don’t get it.
If kids don’t drink and/or do drugs to lower their inhibitions enough to have casual sex, they won’t have an opportunity to excercise the most important Constitutional right of all – the right to kill your unborn child – which would vitiate the societal restructuring efforts of the entire Me Generation.
November 30th, 2012 at 3:46 pm
I would say that Coors Light is the gateway to 3.2 beer. Drinking Coors Light is like making love in a canoe. F’n near water.
November 30th, 2012 at 4:28 pm
And to think it all starts at our mother’s breast.