To: The Entire American Left
From: Mitch Berg, non-spokesman for The Entire American Right
Dear Entire American Left,
No, no, I absolutely beg of you all – please, please please…:
- Don’t ramp up your recent re-declaration of the war on the law-abiding gun owner! Please don’t parade an endless, well, parade of long-discredited chanting heads in front of your compliant media to throw rocks at guns and gun laws. Don’t keep attacking “Stand Your Ground” so long that we have to wheel out the stats that show that “Stand Your Ground” has been, lefty narrative aside, a national success. Please don’t keep doing this. Please.
- Indeed, whatever you do, don’t double and triple down on your push to roll back advances in civil liberties in re the law-abiding citizen’s right to bear arms. If there’s anything that will destroy the conservative movement in this election, it’s having the Ira Glasses and Bob Garfields and Keri Millers of the world mobilized against the Second Amendment.
- Whatever you do, I beg you, please don’t keep alienating males of all ethnic backgrounds! That “war on women” that all men are supposedly fighting? That’ll be electoral gold for ya!
- And please, please, don’t keep making your “vision for America” something that makes more sense as a “Vision for France”. Americans love that kind of thing.
Please, lefties. Don’t keep doing any of that. It’ll just destroy us this November.
That is all.