Junk Food for Political Thought
By Mitch Berg
Let’s wallow in stereotypes for a bit, here!
Pianomomsicle sent me this:
IF there’s butter and white wine in your refrigerator and Fig Newtons in the cookie jar, you’re likely to vote for Hillary Clinton.
I have butter, I love fig newtons, I keep white wine in the house (mostly for making risotto). And I’d rather gouge my eyes out.
Prefer olive oil, Bear Naked granola and a latte to go? You probably like Barack Obama, too.
I keep tons of olive oil around, I love granola (don’t care about brands, but then what guy does?). Lattes leave me cold. I’d just as soon vote for Jimmy Carter again.
Supporters of Barack Obama prefer Bear Naked cereal. Hillary Clinton’s fans like GoLean. For John McCain’s supporters, Fiber One is favored.And if you’re leaning toward John McCain, it’s all about kicking back with a bourbon and a stuffed crust pizza while you watch the Democrats fight it out next week in Pennsylvania.
That, too,sounds great.
If what we eat says a lot about who we are, it also says something about how we might vote.
Oh, yeah?
For example, Dr Pepper is a Republican soda. Pepsi-Cola and Sprite are Democratic. So are most clear liquors, like gin and vodka, along with white wine and Evian water. Republicans skew toward brown liquors like bourbon or scotch, red wine and Fiji water.
I do like Diet Dr. P (too much sugar in anything, but especially pop, makes me queasy these days. But I vastly prefer clear booze (not that I turn any of it down). And while paying $1,50 for water is anathema, I do like Evian. All water is not water. (The water from the old Stroh’s Brewery could cure some hereditary diseases, in fact – and remains the best water I’ve ever had in my life).
When it comes to fried chicken, he said, Democrats prefer Popeyes and Republicans Chick-fil-A.
I always thought Chik Fil A was what the Viet Cong yelled when they were about to launch an ambush. Huh. Who knew?
“Anything organic or more Whole Foods-y skews more Democratic,” Mr. Dowd said.
Bzzzt – although I usually get my stuff at Mississippi Market; only a Democrat would be dumb enough to pay Whole Foods’ prices.
There’s a method to the madness, natch:
Political strategists slice and dice the electorate into small segments, starting with traditional demographics like age and income, then mixing consumer information like whether you prefer casinos or cruises, hunting or cooking, a Prius or a pickup.
Once they find small groups of like-minded people, campaigns can efficiently send customized phone, e-mail or direct mail messages to potential supporters, avoiding inefficient one-size-fits-all mailings. Pockets of support that might have gone unnoticed can be ferreted out.
“This is essentially the way Williams-Sonoma knows which of its catalogs to send you,” said Christopher Mann of MSHC Partners, a political communications firm, which has used microtargeting to help dozens of successful candidates, including Gov. Christine Gregoire of Washington and Gov. Tim Kaine of Virginia.
I’m obviously a spy. For both sides.
April 17th, 2008 at 8:30 am
Nonsense of course. Kinda like how you love to stereotype Dems as alpaca eating, latte wearing, Volvo sippers.
Chic-Fil-A is heavily concentrated in red states. http://www.chick-fil-a.com/#pressroom
And Dr. Pepper, like Cherry Coke, is way more popular in the south than in the north. So sure, they’re going to vote McCain, but because they’re from Georgia, not cause they drink Dr. Pepper (Which Angryclown also enjoys. Along with pork rinds and Slim Jims).
Popeyes is delicious, however. Angryclown likes to pronounce it “Pope yes.”
Didn’t Oswald eat KFC and Dr. Pepper before shooting JFK? Clearly a Republican.
No offense, but anybody who pays for water (more expensive than gasoline!) is a chump. And kind of a pansy, don’t you think? Water is water.
April 17th, 2008 at 8:43 am
A) Dowd must have been kidnapped and a Republican replaced her. For the first time ever she has written an intelligent column.
B) O’bama went to Philly. Didn’t order a cheesesteak. Fine. But he did order foreign ham that sold for $100 a pound! Not exactly someone in touch with mainstream America. I feel guilty buying the $9.99 a pound Boarshead meat at Kowlawski’s.
C) I worked rather late the other night, so by the time I got home, decided that popcorn and Grain Belt would be a good supper. Wonder what party that identifies with.
April 17th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Chick-Fil-A was my fave back when I worked near one. Butter is best kept out of the fridge at room temperature. I traded in my rusty Volvo for a minivan years ago. I’m a little more particular about granola: I like the cheap brand sold at Cub.
I’m rooting for the death of microtargeting. The new political reality is that gets said to one micro audience can be reprinted and used against you with other audiences. Witness Obama’s remarks to the big donors in San Francisco.
I recently saw someone whose bumper stickers seemed to defy microtargeting. We need more of this.
April 17th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Nonsense of course. Kinda like how you love to stereotype Dems as alpaca eating, latte wearing, Volvo sippers.
Well, doy!
Didn’t Oswald eat KFC and Dr. Pepper before shooting JFK? Clearly a Republican.
Hm. Musta been part of that “go to Moscow, embrace Communism” bit.
April 17th, 2008 at 9:19 am
Nixon went to Peking and embraced Communism. Bush looked into its soul.
April 17th, 2008 at 9:23 am
Did Oswald bring Doctor Pepper to the Soviets?
And did they then build a huge factory in the Urals to attempt to duplicate it, ending up with a product that tasted like Robitussin and was occasionally lethal?
(Yes, I joke – although I recently read a brief history of ice cream in the USSR; one of Stalin’s politburo had a jones for the stuff, and so manufacturing and selling Ice Cream became a huuuuuge priority in the thirties. There’s a post in there, somewhere).
April 17th, 2008 at 9:42 am
Williams-Sonoma has never sent me a catalog. Dang. Alpaca is delicious. Tastes like chicken. From Popeye’s.
April 17th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Frogs are said to taste like chicken, Kerm.
Better watch out.
April 17th, 2008 at 10:04 am
I likes me some brown liquor… but my drink of choice has been (for many years) vodka. Maybe with tonic, maybe with lime juice, maybe with cranberry juice, maybe with fresh squeezed orange juice, maybe with fresh squeezed grapefruit juice, maybe with ice, maybe not. Maybe a martini, maybe a cosmopolitan, maybe the whole bottle.
Hmmm… squeezed potatoes.
April 17th, 2008 at 10:30 am
I’m about the same, Badda. Vodka and just about anything (liquid) is good.
And spending a balmy Friday on the patio at Moscow on the Hill in Saint Paul – a Russian joint, doy – with their long list of “Vodkas of the World”, is a singular joy.
I’m currently fond of Dobrowka, a Polish brand with kind of a subtly sweet “zip” to it that I just love.
April 17th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Better watch out.
I’m not French.
April 17th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Ooh, i’ve heard really good things about that place from my soon-to-be sister in law. i guess their food is really good, but can’t compare to their specialty vodkas. Oh vodka. How i miss thee.
Is it bad that Badda has the same drinking preferences as a 22-year-old female? 🙂
April 17th, 2008 at 11:24 am
I like to think of it as a good sign for a 22 year old female that she’s drinking like a late 30s male.
😀
April 17th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Get a room!
April 17th, 2008 at 11:35 am
A vodka room?
April 17th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Hey, that’s not a bad idea… a MOB vodka tasting.
April 17th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Mr. Windsor is one of my best friends! Although I have been known to have me a VodkaDew or two. Oh, and I need to make it back over to Tracy’s to raid his Scotch cabinet *Mmmmmmmmm
Chicken, you mean there are other places besides KFC?!?
April 17th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Pope-yes, Flash, I’m telling you.
April 17th, 2008 at 11:52 am
VodkaDew?!?!?!
You’re fired, Flash.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Schedule the vodka tasting any time after October 12, and i’m there! We should have a SITD alcoholic occasion, anyway. Love of alcohol seems to be one of the only things all of us have in common.
Vodkadew: not something i’ve tried, but honestly it doesn’t sound half bad to me.
One of my most white-trash cocktails is Vodka-aid: you guessed it-vodka and red Koolaid. (You know the flavor itself doesn’t matter…it must be red and it’s great.)
April 17th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Plus it is red like Red Commie red.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Pope-yes, Flash, I’m telling you.
The only one I know of is downtown where all the colored folk is. Us bitter, typical white people avoid that area.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I recently read a brief history of ice cream in the USSR; one of Stalin’s politburo had a jones for the stuff, and so manufacturing and selling Ice Cream became a huuuuuge priority in the thirties.
Back in the 30’s Joe Stalin needed gold to prop up the Soviet economy so he made gold mining a high priority. One large ore deposit lay at the bottom of a lake — problem was the Russians didn’t know how to make a working dredger.
So he bought one from us. Then he had ‘Made in USSR’ plaques installed on it, and the number ’24’ painted on its side. All so that people would not only believe the dredger had been manufactured in Russia, but that it was the 24th dredger to come out of the factory.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
i guess their food is really good,
Personal testimony; very, very yes.
I especially love the givetch – a veggie stew to kill for.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
VodkaDew
I threw up in my mouth just a little…
April 17th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I think there is a joke here…
Vodka tasting……..something something……puking on Thunes lawn….
April 17th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
A SitD Booze-o-rama would be interesting. I also don’t fit the stereotype. I like both red and white wines, Windsor (will substitute Phillips if necessary) , and strawberry margs. I’ve had a shot of vodka one time in my life and blargh, it was not yummy. The other one that boggles my mind is vodka and Red Bull. Take something disgusting to start with and add something that tastes like Robitussin and battery acid combined? Stay far far away from me.
Oh, and fork you and your ‘strawmargs? you drink a girlie drink’, you insecure twits. I drink what I like and I don’t give a flying frouxk what anyone thinks
April 17th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Do you ask for a little paper umbrella too, Bill C.?
April 17th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Back when I worked in bars, I learned the coolest trick – how to kill people with those paper umbrellas!
April 17th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
“A SitD Booze-o-rama would be interesting.”
A may be willing to offer up the garage for the event.
I was 23 years old and in a motor home with same age folks on our way to Washington DC. I had a liter of Vodka and a 2 liter of Dew. I slept really really well *laughing*
Once I got there I ended up in the Congressional TV studio And did a half hour session with Arlen Erdahl and Vin Webber and later Bruce Vento and Martin Sabo. The video is lost forever in the ether and if it ever surfaces I’ll deny it was me *laughing* Actually it turned out pretty good, but you could tell I was green and clumsy.
Flash
April 17th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
I might be willing to offer up some vodka for that kind of event. 😉
April 17th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
‘Green Martian’
Equal parts vodka, mountain dew, and nyquil.
Takes the edge off after a night of smoking bhatu.
April 17th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
I likes me some Radiator Fluid… or otherwise called Space Orc Radiator Fluid.
3 parts pinneapple juice
2 (or 1) parts coconut rum
1 (or 2) parts Midori
Shake with ice… then be careful as they creep up on you.
April 17th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Butter only in our fridge (life is waaay too short to go without), white wine is on hand although we prefer red, gin ‘n tonics make the world go round (hurry summer!) and olive oil is the only oil I cook with. I do not eat Fiber One or drink bourbon (I guess my husband does like Scotch, so that saves us). The stuffed crust pizza commercials make me queasy…haven’t ever tried them, but I think I’ll skip it. How much gooey cheese does a person need anyway? I’d rather save the calories for butter and whole cream on oatmeal.
FYI-the Palomino in downtown Minneapolis makes REALLY GOOD Mojitos. Really good.
Once we did shop at Whole Foods and left thinking “What the heck happened? We have one sack of groceries and we spent how much?!!” Never again. It’s just that we are from the back of beyond where you can’t buy anything much out of the ordinary, so stores with so many choices are fun-like Trader Joe’s or Kowalskis Market-as expensive as Whole Foods. With alpaca-wearing, Volvo-driving, earth-show-clad peopl ALL AROUND. No thanks.
April 17th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
“Butter only in our fridge (life is waaay too short to go without), white wine is on hand although we prefer red, gin ‘n tonics make the world go round (hurry summer!) and olive oil is the only oil I cook with. I do not eat Fiber One or drink bourbon (I guess my husband does like Scotch, so that saves us). The stuffed crust pizza commercials make me queasy…haven’t ever tried them, but I think I’ll skip it. How much gooey cheese does a person need anyway? I’d rather save the calories for butter and whole cream on oatmeal.”
Yikes! Angryclown agrees with all of the above! Next thing you know, he’ll be Celtic dancing up at the War Road White Power compound!
April 17th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
A welcome change from dancing front-to-back at the NY Firemans Ball!
April 18th, 2008 at 11:20 am
I re-read the original thesis. I originally thought it said “stuffed” pizza – like Geno’s or Uno or any other good Chicago pizza brick.
Stuff crust?
Ick. No way.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
I can’t imagine drinking whisky with pizza.
The Pope-yes in Minnesota is on Lake Street, right outside of Uptown, so it’s OK for us white folk to visit.