One Day At DFL Headquarters

(SCENE: Denise CARDINAL, head of Alliance for a Better Minnesota chair of the Minnesota DFL, wallks into her office, sits in an overstuffed chair)

(KEN MARTIN walks in to room).

MARTIN: “Hello…”

(MARTIN stops abruptly as CARDINAL motions downward with her index fingers.  MARTIN sighs, gets on hands and knees in front of CARDINAL’s char.  CARDINAL puts feet up on MARTIN’s back).

(REP. JOHN LESCH, who is minding the phones, buzzes in) “Mizz Cardinal, the party from the legislature is here to see you”.

CARDINAL: “Send them in please”.

(Tom BAKK, Paul THISSEN and Ryan WINKLER walk in.  Each bows deeply toward CARDINAL).

CARDINAL: Rise!

(All three take seats in overstuffed chairs around the room).

CARDINAL: OK.  What do we have?

BAKK: We think we have a plan!

THISSEN: Yes!  A plan!

WINKLER:  Heh!  Heh heh heh!

CARDINAL:  Let me hear it!

(THISSEN motions to WINKLER)

WINKLER:  Well, there’s this group, the “American Legislative Exchange Council“, or “ALEC”.  They are your run of the mill conservative activist group, run by Grover Norquist…

(BAKK, THISSEN and CARDINAL hiss theatrically)

WINKLER: …and they propose legislation and stuff, and lots of Republicans legislators have signed up with the group…

BAKK:  And if we can spin them as some big, shadowy conspiracy that tells affiliated legislators do to Grover Norquist’s bidding…

THISSEN:  Yeah! Grover Norquist!

WINKLER: Heh!  Heh heh heh!

CARDINAL:  Silence!  I like it! Winkler?

(WINKLER bows deeply)

CARDINAL: Start telling people that ALEC is a powerful, unaccountable group that wields boundless resources to pull the strings at the Minnesota State Legislature…

LESCH (Buzzes in) Mizz Cardinal?

CARDINAL (enraged) WHAT?

LESCH:  The Gentlemen are here.

CARDINAL:  Thank you. Send them in.

(CARDINAL makes a hand gesture to BAKK, THISSEN and WINKLER, all of whom get up from their chairs and lie, face-down, on the floor, head-to-foot, from the door to CARDINAL’s chair)

(CARDINAL rises as Tom DOOHER enters the room in a long, black cape.  He is accompanied by Javier MORILLO, who is wearing a long purple cape.  DOOHER steps across WINKLER, THISSEN and BAKK’s backs to walk to CARDINAL, to whom he offers his hand.  CARDINAL kisses his pinky ring).

DOOHER:  Well?

CARDINAL, BAKK, THISSEN, WINKLER:  We hear and obey.

MORILLO:  You heard the man! SOUND OFF!

CARDINAL, BAKK, THISSEN, WINKLER:  We hear and obey!

DOOHER: Very well.  Stand up, for Minnesota’s students.  (As BAKK, THISSEN and WINKLER stand, DOOHER takes BAKK’s seat.  BAKK takes THISSEN’s, THISSEN takes WINKLER’s, who stands awkwardly).

DOOHER: Let us talk of the 2012 session…

(And SCENE).

12 thoughts on “One Day At DFL Headquarters

  1. So the short story is that yelling “Koch Brothers!!” over and over on the blogs isn’t working for the Sorosphere, so they’ll try and make Grover Norquist the latest boogeyman?

    I guess that’ll work for now. Find what sticks to the wall and serve it up.

  2. They never seem to mention that Norquist is an proponent of open immigration and amnesty for illegal immigrants.

  3. WINKLER: Heh! Heh heh heh!

    I can’t get the image out of my head of Beavis, standing there, fists clenched, giggling maniacally. The next thing out of his mouth would be “Fire! FIRE! FIRE!!”

  4. The character that’s missing from the script is Mad Mark Dayton. I’d picture him (in an obvious stupor) sitting aside Queen Bee Cardinal . He’d be dressed as the Court Jester complete with a three pointed hat, whiling away the time by fumbling with his marotte).

  5. The left’s obsession with conspiracies……interesting. But I don’t understand this thing about Grover Norquist. Saying Republicans want to starve the poor…I understand the image the left is trying to convey. But saying some guy who no one has ever heard of (except for hard core political junkies) controls congress. Not sure how effective that is.

  6. Republicans want to starve the poor. That leaves more brie and pinot grigiot for us. And wagyu beef.

  7. But saying some guy who no one has ever heard of (except for hard core political junkies) controls congress.

    I wonder how many people thought “A Scandinavian scruffy blue Muppet?”

  8. I can’t get the image out of my head of Beavis, standing there, fists clenched, giggling maniacally.

    Interesting fact, the shows coming back. I wonder if they will make fun of any politicians this time around.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.