The Good Democrat
By Mitch Berg
I was at the Cub store by 60th and Nicollet in South Minneapolis, and I met my old friend Joshua-Micah Cohen-Tostengaard.
Josh has been a lifelong Democrat; the guy bleeds blue. He has impeccable DFL credentials. And he’s bugged.
“I am a Democrat”, Josh said, “but I hate the DFL and the national Democratic Party. I’ve voted for every Democratic presidential, Senate, Congress, Gubernatorial, State Constitutional and Legislative office, every election, ever. But I’m not going to anymore”.
I asked him why?
“Because while I have always been a good, dues-paying liberal Democrat, I have found that I just can’t abide my party’s policies! Although I’ve been a card-carrying liberal my whole life, I cannot stand the left’s stances on gun control – I own an AK47 and am carrying a Desert Eagle in my cargo pocket right now! I’m very pro-life, and find my party’s stances on all abortion issues to be noxious. I support my party, but I find their drive to disengage from Iraq – indeed, to cut and run – to be horrendous. And while I revere the legacy of Hubert Humphrey and Fritz Mondale, I think the party’s high-tax, low-growth, punish achievement policies are going to kill this state.:
” I think Local Government Aid is a subsidy of failure. I applaud my party’s record on welfare, but I think that aid should be closely tied to work. While I believe in my party’s history as a supporter of immigration, I support English as a national language, and believe that the border should be closed, immediately. Oh, while I support my party on transportation issues, I think every cent spent on trains and buses is a complete waste.”
Was that all?
“Yes. Well, there’s one more thing; while I support my party’s historical legacy, I think David Strom and Phil Krinkie and their “no new taxes” pledge issued exactly the call this state needs, no matter what the DFL party as a whole says”.
“So”, Josh concluded, “I’m a Democrat. But what my party has become, nauseates me. I can’t support them, since they oppose everything I, as a Democrat, believe”.
It was an interesting conversation.
Of course it never happened. Josh doesn’t exist.
But someone tell me why Josh is any less indicative of Minnesota’s political reality than, say, any Lori Sturdevant column, including her latest, chock-a-block full of good, solid, salt-o-da-earth “republicans” who happen, like every Republican that Sturdevant or Doug Grow or Nick Coleman ever seem to know, to oppose everything the GOP stands for?
If you take the Strib seriously, you’d wonder if there were any actual voting Republicans in this state at all.
August 13th, 2007 at 6:32 am
You made that up.
August 13th, 2007 at 6:40 am
I forgot my /Doug off tag.
August 13th, 2007 at 7:21 am
“truth is stranger than fiction.”
It’s still true.
Mitch does not have to make anything up – in fact I’ve always know him to be a straight shooter (except at the gun range! Just kidding about that part… 😉 Another thing I’ve learned is to not argue with him because I haven’t known him to be wrong once he renders an opinion (as hard is that is to admit because we have had our differences. Okay, a few opinions he has had about me were wrong…)
Anyway, I remember having a similar conversation with a friend Named Max Riggs. He had similar misgivings, but not as severe on the surface. When I asked him point by point what he believed in, it turned out he was a conservative! He could not bring himself to admit it, but he was.
Sometimes people wake up to sober reality, and sometimes they stay dimocrat. Yes DIM-o-crat.
That’s my two cent’s worth.
August 13th, 2007 at 7:51 am
Hee hee, OB.
While I am a straight shooter, this particular Dem is purely satirical, and a mirror image of the Republicans the Strib keeps trotting out for rhetorical purposes.
August 13th, 2007 at 8:10 am
Mitch asked: “But someone tell me why Josh is any less indicative of Minnesota’s political reality than, say, any Lori Sturdevant column, including her latest, chock-a-block full of good, solid, salt-o-da-earth “republicans” who happen, like every Republican that Sturdevant or Doug Grow or Nick Coleman ever seem to know, to oppose everything the GOP stands for?”
Cause theirs are, so far as Angryclown knows, real. While yours is made up. See, there’s a difference between facts and made-up stuff, Mitch. You Republicans don’t seem to get that. But Angryclown is always happy to help out by pointing out the difference.
August 13th, 2007 at 8:23 am
Cause theirs are, so far as Angryclown knows, real.
Right. And they’re pretty much the only “Republicans” that any of them ever present as anything other than Dickensian caricatures, which is kinda the point.
Hm. I guess that means I’ve invented the “Sturdevantian caricature”.
August 13th, 2007 at 8:48 am
I picture you as Seth Pecksniff.
August 13th, 2007 at 9:09 am
Wow. And I’ve always spoken so highly of you!
But if I were prone to swiping others’ work, I’d work for the Minnesota Monitor…
August 13th, 2007 at 9:37 am
Mitch:
Did you even read the column. The only contemporary identified Republican in the piece opposes Pawlenty’s gas tax. Lori explicitly says he stands in for most other Republicans.
August 13th, 2007 at 10:18 am
I bought everything my left wing teachers at the U of MN were offering in the mid 80’s, I voted Democrat, heck, I even subscribed to the Utne Reader, even bought a used reel type lawn mower.
Then, I got a job working straight commission, got married, bought a house, and had a child (all in that order). And finally it dawned on me “Why am I voting for Democrats”. Yes, I had to vote for the Texan with the big ears once for president as part of my conversion, but haven’t looked back.
At some point in everyone’s life, you must grow up.
August 13th, 2007 at 10:47 am
Just pulling your leg on the Pecksniff ref, Mitch. How about Pip from Great Expectations? Angryclown is Sidney Carton. Only without the “far, far better thing” part. Cause jeeziz, who wants to get his head cut off?
August 13th, 2007 at 10:49 am
“Grow up” Fish Food? Think you mean “give up.” “Sell out” maybe.
August 13th, 2007 at 10:50 am
No, grow up is the proper term.
August 13th, 2007 at 10:58 am
I’ve come to realize “selling out” isn’t nearly the lamentable fate it’s made out to be. In fact, it can lead to financial security, peace of mind, less stress, and just an overall better quality of life. If that’s “selling out,” I’ll take a triple helping.
And, honestly, having been called all manner of negative things in my life, being labeled a “sell out” is kind of like tickling me with a feather: it’s a minor annoyance that ends up making me giggle.
August 13th, 2007 at 11:10 am
“If that’s “selling out,” I’ll take a triple helping.”
Of course you will, Cathcart. Like most of Mitch’s commenters, you’ll sacrifice almost any of your liberties for a couple extra bucks and a La-Z-Boy.
August 13th, 2007 at 11:12 am
“Of course you will, Cathcart. Like most of Mitch’s commenters, you’ll sacrifice almost any of your liberties for a couple extra bucks and a La-Z-Boy”
Ouch. Just Ouch.
August 13th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Oh, please, AC, you know full well I’m not talking about liberties, which I’d defend staunchly if they were actually in jeopardy. Don’t be a dipshit. Well, don’t be any MORE of a dipshit.
August 13th, 2007 at 11:16 am
RickDFL, explain where the “Ouch” is, please, because what AC was dealing in was complete and utter nonsense, which is his stock in trade.
August 13th, 2007 at 11:33 am
Has anyone ever seen AC and Lori Sturdevant together in the same place?
August 13th, 2007 at 11:39 am
Yossarian:
It one thing to get insulted. But to ask someone else to explain the insult to you, really takes the prize.
August 13th, 2007 at 11:55 am
AC, now that Rove has stepped down, were will all that extra bad bile be directed to?
August 13th, 2007 at 11:58 am
RickDFL, that really assumes there was some semblance of an insult to begin with, rather than the non-sequiter dumbshittery floated by AC. If that somehow translates into a coherent insult in your mind, then you must have the intellect of a not particularly bright house fly.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
Yossarian:
Getting insulted. Asking someone else to explain the insult. Now trying to say you were not insulted in the first place. You fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
you must have the intellect of a not particularly bright house fly.
Be sure to steer (fly) clear of those purple lights. Bzzzzzzt.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
You fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
If a tree falls in the forest and no liberals are around to decry the wanton lack of environmental funding derived from taxing the rich and big oil, are republicans still pure unholy evil? *rolls eyes*
Throwing an insult at a person who then doesn’t consider themsevles to be insulted is kind of a waste.
But at least it gives you some good further fodder for insulting their intelligence.
But you know, it’s those conservatives that are so mean-hearted. Like, really.
August 13th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Bill C.
“Throwing an insult at a person who then doesn’t consider themsevles to be insulted is kind of a waste.”
Actually those are the best and most fun insults of all. Your standing there with egg on your face thinking you scored a free meal.
“those conservatives that are so mean-hearted”.
No. Real meanness requires an inner strength and toughness that you people lack. George Wallace was mean. Nixon was mean. LBJ was mean. Your crowd is too fat and flabby for that kind of emotion. Thats what made the La-Z-Boy comment sting.
August 13th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Ouch. Just Ouch.
Nah, I know the Clown. He’s doing it to get a rise. Indeed, with the above, it’d seem he’s pulled off the impossible; simultaneous rises from left AND right.
Well played, AC. I bow to your chain-yanking prowess.
August 13th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
George Wallace was mean. Nixon was mean. LBJ was mean. Your crowd is too fat and flabby for that kind of emotion.
Rick is insulting me/us for not being mean enough?
I believe that’s a first!
Thats what made the La-Z-Boy comment sting.
Filed under “Statements Without The Faintest Shred of Evidence”
Real meanness requires an inner strength and toughness that you people lack.
Oh, Rick. You dim coddled little numbnuts.
You wouldn’t have survived ten seconds in the last decade of my life.
I’d leave this thread alone REAL quick if I were you.
August 13th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
“Actually those are the best and most fun insults of all. Your standing there with egg on your face thinking you scored a free meal.”
In other words, insults that fail to insult are the best insults? That’s kind of how most DFL policies work, now that I think about it.
August 13th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Cathcart, your inability to get the joke only makes it funnier to the rest of us who can, like Rick.
There used to be a time – sometime before November 1980 – when conservatives had to be tough, to defend unpopular ideas in the face of contrary conventional wisdom. I think Mitch is tough, or at least scrappy. I certainly admire the determination it’s taken to provide for his family. But the rest of you seem like bandwagon riders – selfidentified “conservatives” mostly cause you’re mean or lazy. Or both.
August 13th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
I’d like to really steer clear of the whole “who’s lazy and complacent/who’s rough and tough” thing.
There are proportionally just as many mean, lazy, complacent people listening to Rush Limbaugh as there are logging on to Huffington Post.
Statistically, the firemen who ran up the stairways at the World Trade Center were likely to have voted Democrat; statistically, probably 80-90 of the hundred or so “green berets” that liberated Afghanistan voted Republican.
While I do believe – indeed, prove daily – that conservatism has a near-monopoly on good political philosophy, I’d never translate any of that to larger human virtues.
Neither should anyone else.
August 13th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
RickDFL says “Real meanness requires an inner strength and toughness that you people lack. ”
Yet
AC says “But the rest of you seem like bandwagon riders – selfidentified “conservatives” mostly cause you’re mean or lazy.”
Could you two go somewhere and work this out and then get back to us with your conclusions. Take your time.
August 13th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Please. You are constantly holding your stock alpaca-sipping, chardonnay-wearing libral up for general ridicule. And you don’t go nearly as far as some of the (other) leading lights of American wingnuttery like Rush or Ann Coulter. Your side is all about calling names and questioning the values of the other guys. You can’t take up the “can’t we all just get along?” banner only when somebody takes a shot at your side.
I don’t think this applies to all conservatives, but a great many are selfish, pissed-off assholes. And that proportion is several times higher than among liberals.
August 13th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
I don’t think this applies to all conservatives, but a great many are selfish, pissed-off assholes. And that proportion is several times higher than among liberals.
If you stopped spraying seltzer water on any within reach, maybe they would treat you better! 🙂
August 13th, 2007 at 4:25 pm
You can’t take up the “can’t we all just get along?” banner only when somebody takes a shot at your side.
That was a shot?
Who knew?
You’re gonna need to label the “shots” from now on…
Seriously, Clown – I poke at the other sides’ mannerisms and pretensions. I don’t go after their character.
Without evidence, anyway.
Generally. We all have our moments.
August 13th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
To save time, how about Angryclown labels whatever isn’t a shot?
I’ll stop with the La-Z-Boy references, though. One of these days Cathcart might get it and his feelings would be hurt.
August 13th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
how about Angryclown labels whatever isn’t a shot?
Point being, I can throw what I call a “slider”, but the batter will think of it as a “cheeseburger over the plate”.
But since my attempt to maintain a little civil sanity went unappreciated, I will resort to unabashed character assassination of liberals…
…which introduces the question; if Lee Harvey Oswald waited in the Book Depository, and the motorcade never came, would he have existed?
(And I, myself, am happy I remembered the Martin Chuzzlewit reference on a Monday morning…)
August 13th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
You know JB will think you Googled.
August 13th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
That was a shot?
Who knew?
Yeah, Mitch it was…a Shot in the Dark.
August 13th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
“Your side is all about calling names and questioning the values of the other guys.Your side is all about calling names and questioning the values of the other guys.”
Jon Stewart
Al Franken
David Letterman
Etc.
Etc.
Who’s side?
August 13th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Kermit is Uriah Heep.
August 13th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
You know JB will think you Googled.
I think he thinks all English majors are commies.
I’m almost afraid to tell him that my undergrad advisor, the chair of my college’s English department, was a monarchist, and did more to convert me to conservatism than anyone else I can remember. His head might explode.
Which means there’d be an estate sale, and I can get a bid in on all the bodacious whiskey he owns.
Mmm. Quittin’ time!
August 13th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
I loved that band as a young tadpole.
August 14th, 2007 at 7:11 am
You had better taste than Angryclown, who was diggin’ on the Partridge Family around that time.
August 14th, 2007 at 10:45 pm
“this particular Dem is purely satirical”
Oh well, my bad for not spotting it. I guess I’ll have to commit suicide by beating myself to death with a spotted owl, after buringin a few thousand acres of the rain forest that is (the jungles have already been completely wiped out).
Still, I wish Mitch had had that conversation with Max, but that isn’t the only time it has happened to me. After all the political drift to (the left) some people might be well advised to re-evaluate their political party. After all, if you look at the policies of JFK and the gipper, you might see some similarities… 🙂
August 15th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
I cannot believe angryclown said this:
“Your side is all about calling names and questioning the values of the other guys”
I read it again, and I still cannot believe it. 😉
When angryclown said this:
“I don’t think this applies to all conservatives, but a great many are selfish, pissed-off assholes. And that proportion is several times higher than among liberals.”
he makes me think he doesn’t regard giving away other peoples stuff as technically “selfish”, and that anti-Bush ranters are mostly very calm and collected individuals. Or that maybe he just hangs out with all the wrong conservatives. *shrug*