President Of Convenience
By Mitch Berg
SCENE: Mitch BERG is out on his porch waiting for some food delivery. He’s committed – can’t go inside yet – when Avery LIBRELLE happens around the corner.
LIBRELLE: Merg!
BERG: Uh, hey, Avery…
LIBRELLE: Stop with all the scare talk. Joe Biden is a moderate.
BERG: Biden is a moderate in the exact same sense that Brooke Shields was George Michael’s girlfriend in the ’80s.
LIBRELLE: What? Go on…
BERG: In the ’80s, various publicists circulated the story that Brooke Shields was dating George Michael – a fantastic singer who tripped every ‘gaydar’ set in the world when “Wham UK” started releasing music videos.
The “Relationship” was imposed on the couple, and the world, by the execs at Michael’s label for a bunch of reasons; in an age when being “gay” was still pretty closet-y and the likes of Freddy Mercury and Elton John kept their orientations very much under the radar, it protected Michael’s marketability. It benefitted both of their careers. It kept the whole “is he gay?” discussion from hampering record sales. And it was neither of their idea – it was a concoction of publicists working for their various record, studio and management companies, to keep everyone’s nests feathered.
LIBRELLE: And…?
BERG: Biden is the same thing. He was brought in to put a “crazy grampa” veneer on a party whose extremism has exploded like a diet Coke with a Mento dropped in. To make incipient communism less scary for soccer moms.
LIBRELLE: That’s just…
BERG: Just what?
LIBRELLE: I’m torn between “Racist” and “Anti-Palestinian”.
BERG: Naturally…
BERG’s delivery arrives.
And SCENE
January 21st, 2021 at 11:22 am
So you are telling me that Freddie Mercury was gay?
January 21st, 2021 at 12:10 pm
Two weeks ago, MAGA insurrection. Yesterday, Biden’s inauguration. We live in the most resilient county in the world.
January 21st, 2021 at 12:40 pm
I’m having great fun with the anti-Trumpers. If Trump was Hitler please explain just how Biden got elected?
January 21st, 2021 at 12:43 pm
Have some fun. Tell the Socialists that they are American supremicists because they believe that Americans can make Socialism work where it has failed in every other instance it has been tried.
January 21st, 2021 at 12:52 pm
at Slow Joe’s inauguration there were 25,000 soldiers, and only2,000 citizens. That’s on you& your trumpists, MBerg!
January 21st, 2021 at 1:08 pm
One of the weird ironies is that Trump’s insane assault on the election outcome actually resulted in investing Inauguration Day with far more impact and cultural significance than it might have had. Inauguration yesterday wasn’t a formalism. It was a solid victory in itself.
January 21st, 2021 at 1:11 pm
Woolly is explaining how bad it is that Biden brought in troops and walls when Trump didn’t have to do that four years ago, totally ignoring… well, you know.
January 21st, 2021 at 1:21 pm
You’re fooling yourself, E. We’re living in a dictatorship.
Listen, strange women counting fake ballots is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcial inaugural ceremony. I mean, If I went round saying I was President because some Wise Latina lobbed a few words at me, they’d put me away.
January 21st, 2021 at 1:24 pm
Two weeks ago, MAGA insurrection. Yesterday, Biden’s inauguration. We live in the most resilient county in the world.
If you can connect the elected representatives and their voiced concerns or protest votes about election integrity (something the Left did just 4 years ago), or the tens/hundreds of thousands of rally attendees on the 6th, to the Capitol riot mob numbering in the hundreds, maybe a thousand, then by all means, proceed. Let’s start with pointing out where in Trump’s speech you feel he incited a riot.
January 21st, 2021 at 1:30 pm
The inauguration was as hollow and empty as the shell of a man we now call by the suitable acronym PO–S.
January 21st, 2021 at 1:32 pm
Woolly is explaining how bad it is that Biden brought in troops and walls when Trump didn’t have to do that four years ago, totally ignoring… well, you know.
You must have missed/forgotten about this.
It’s weird how the media didn’t describe these people as “treasonous” or “seditious.”
Hmm.
January 21st, 2021 at 1:44 pm
Nice avatar — Space Force?
January 21st, 2021 at 2:46 pm
^ Nope, just the Star Trek emblem.
January 21st, 2021 at 3:30 pm
Just read that Biden’s following up on the revocation of the Mexico City policy, the use of DOJ lawsuit awards to reward leftist activists, and the resurrection of the impossible 54mpg criterion (no car today meets it, including electrics when you count power plant efficiency in mpge) with an executive order requiring schools to allow trans kids to compete as girls if they so desire, or else risk losing federal funding.
So this is, apparently, the moderation that the media told us Biden had amounts to sticking a sharp stick in the eye of conservatives. Even scarier, Antifa is rioting in protest of this supposed “moderation”.
January 21st, 2021 at 7:42 pm
👆Adults back in charge. Phew
I’m very much looking forward to policy that is better informed by evidence.
It’s going to be a stark contrast to policy set in precise opposition to all evidence.
January 21st, 2021 at 8:25 pm
Adults, Emery?! Well, based on your often infantile and repetitious lies, you probably would look at the childish and vindictive acts of your communist heroes as adult like.
January 21st, 2021 at 8:40 pm
Pew is right, Emery. So that “evidence-based” policy–you mean like the $15/hour minimum wage that will put millions out of work and thousands of small businesses into bankruptcy? Or the Paris agreement that does nothing to curb emissions by the biggest polluters? Or the rule that high schools will have to allow “transgender” boys to compete as girls? Or the rule that allows the DOJ to siphon off money intended for victims in judgments….to liberal activist groups?
Or the rule Biden just ignored about the masks?
Yeah, science based, my a**, Emery.
January 22nd, 2021 at 9:57 am
There’s little evidence that higher a minimum wage has a significant negative effect on the economy.
January 22nd, 2021 at 10:00 am
Say Reek? Biden just nominated an obese, mentally ill, diabetic man who wears dresses to work, as his Asst Secretary of Health and Human Services because he fucking loves ScIEncE…and because AduLTs?
Reek: “Yup. And I love spending the winters gliding the birkie with fellow science loving sophisticates”
January 22nd, 2021 at 10:01 am
Hoss, Reek misspelled “The dolts”.
January 22nd, 2021 at 10:05 am
Actual transparency and communication grounded in science and fact, what a relief. Alternative facts, sage advice such as ‘inject bleach’ and sharpies on NOAA maps to soothe a singular individual’s ego are no more.
January 22nd, 2021 at 10:14 am
Reek squeaked something about “day drinking” earlier. Isn’t there a Berg law about projection?
That would really explain a lot.
So Reek…you a Stoli man, or do you go for Lysol and grape kool-aid?
Squeak, Reek. tia
January 22nd, 2021 at 10:22 am
king blather takes the stage! Literally after spouting gibberish like *There’s little evidence that higher a minimum wage has a significant negative effect on the economy.”, King blather praises facts and science in discourse.
Except when it comes to Trump and ” Russian collusion” then, let frothing madness rule the day.
January 22nd, 2021 at 10:26 am
🍸 Hydroxychloroquine with a chaser of disinfectant and disinformation. I have it on good authority it’s a good preventive for the flu.
January 22nd, 2021 at 11:06 am
disinfectant
Where did Trump say that, again?
Got a pointer?
Or is it, like the “Fine People” bit, just another cheapo bit of establishment media slander?
Hint – I know the answer. Do you?
January 22nd, 2021 at 11:19 am
Reek Squeaked:
🍸 Hydroxychloroquine with a chaser of disinfectant and disinformation.
Ah. So you’re a gin and tonic man with a splash of CNN. Excellent, Reek. Carry on.
January 22nd, 2021 at 11:21 am
Say Reek? How’s the snow pack on the birkie, today? Squeak…tia
January 22nd, 2021 at 11:29 am
I’m gonna start using emoji’s to communicate with Reek. Children love their cartoons. 😍😍👶🏻😍👶🏻🎱
January 22nd, 2021 at 11:55 am
MBerg — thanks for teeing it up for me!
President Trump Suggests ‘Injecting’ Disinfectant as Coronavirus Cure ~ NBC New York
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zicGxU5MfwE
Trump may not have left the nation any vaccines but at least we have a lifetime supply of Hydroxychloroquine.
January 22nd, 2021 at 11:59 am
Say Reek?
🥄💩
January 22nd, 2021 at 12:03 pm
Definition of disinfectant
: an agent used to disinfect something
especially : a chemical agent that is used especially on hard surfaces and in water such as drinking water or wastewater to destroy, inactivate, or significantly reduce the concentration of pathogens (such as bacteria, viruses, and fungi)
NOTE: Common chemical disinfectants include chlorine, calcium and sodium hypochlorite, iodophor, phenol, ethanol, and quaternary ammonium compounds. Disinfectants are often distinguished from sterilants by having reduced effectiveness against dormant bacterial endospores.
Holy Crap, Reek! You drink bleach every time you mix water with your kool-aid. Now you’re gonna die!
January 22nd, 2021 at 12:17 pm
I’m going to miss the Buffoonery of the Trump administration.
But on the other hand — there will always be the asshattery of SiTD’s low hanging fruit.
January 22nd, 2021 at 12:33 pm
Well, we still have you, low hanging cumquat, but it looks like your BFF Fapliar has run for the hills after being busted cold and proven to be a liar.
Of course, you’ve been proven to be a liar too, Reek, more times than I can count. But some people, even mendacious, low IQ degenerates cling to a shred of self respect that can be touched by shame. Fapliar must be one of those.
You have no such problems, do you, cowboy? 🤠
January 22nd, 2021 at 1:24 pm
I just saw the best window sticker, ever.
BLM
Biden Loves Minors
#Notmypedophile
January 23rd, 2021 at 9:51 am
^ MAGA Follower Reaches Peak Asshattery
Look at you go — taking 2 comments attempting to stitch a few words together in defense of Dear Leader.
Trump, you and the rest of the MAGA militia encouraged the seditious mob who killed a cop. Sit the fuck down.
On the bright side, it’s not just Trump’s judges who stood up to him post-election, but his DOJ appointees too (except for the one — Jeffery Clark promoting the insanity).
January 23rd, 2021 at 10:55 am
Oooo. Reek isn’t gonna take slammin’ trannies lying down…it’s the new, saltier Reek.
Say Reek? How many miles you gonna put on the birkie, today? LMAO
January 23rd, 2021 at 11:00 am
BTW, the only Dear Leader mentioned in either of those earlier posts was yours…and you stepped up to defend him.
You alright Reek? 😂😂😂😂😂
January 23rd, 2021 at 11:07 am
You are just blathering at this point. People who are not capable of presenting a sound argument resort to blathering.
January 23rd, 2021 at 11:25 am
Wow. I watched the video, read the transcript, and it still doesn’t mean what Emery “thinks” it means. I am super “surprised”.
And “no vaccines”? It’s amazing that Trump caused such a deep derangement in a person. Or did the derangement come first?
January 23rd, 2021 at 12:02 pm
Say Reek? What happened to your BFF Faphammer? You two shacked up there together in the UP? Is he out gliding the birkie with you?
Or is it he couldn’t bear the shame of being outed a fucking liar? If that’s the case, you should mentor him in your technique of being a shameless, dimwitted asshole; free of any shame.
Take Faphammer under your wing Reek!
January 23rd, 2021 at 12:26 pm
After watching John K verbally bitch-slap you the other day regarding milling machines and firearms in general — it appears you’ve lost several steps as a keyboard warrior. Sad really. Perhaps you’re just not aging as well as the rest of us.
January 23rd, 2021 at 12:31 pm
Say — Troy, I don’t believe TDS is what you think it is. January 6th, the MAGA insurrection at the Capitol was the true measure of TDS — that will history will recognize as the legacy of Dear Leader Trump.
January 23rd, 2021 at 12:49 pm
January 6 in reverse: Pro-democracy protesters against an authoritarian regime.
Aleksei Navalny Protests: Live Updates as Russia Faces Biggest Rallies in Years
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/23/world/europe/navalny-protests-russia.html
January 23rd, 2021 at 12:52 pm
After watching John K verbally bitch-slap you the other day
Ahhh. So that’s why he ran off like a bitch, Reek…Faphammer IS a bitch 👱🏿♀️. And now, he’s my bitch! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
(Really liking these emojis…thanks, Reek)
Speaking of aging, how many miles did you put in on the birkie today before collapsing? ⛷ tia Reek!
January 23rd, 2021 at 1:27 pm
^ Pretty weak sauce there fella. Where is your self respect?
Why don’t you send that up to rewrite and have them punch it up a bit.
January 23rd, 2021 at 1:58 pm
The new definition of TDS in your head you mean?
Sure.
But, after years of you acting out the definition of TDS, I don’t know if sane people are going to change it for you.
Just telling you now so you don’t get your hopes up.
January 23rd, 2021 at 2:39 pm
That’s bitch sauce, Reek. You should recognize it…You Reek of It!!
🤣😂🤣😂😁😁😅😎
January 23rd, 2021 at 2:41 pm
Reek, tell again about the prime lakeside properties…You know, where George let’s you tend the 🐰.
Tia Reek.
😂😂
January 23rd, 2021 at 2:45 pm
Say Reek? Do you have training trails around your prime lakefront properties so you can be in prime shape for the birkie?
Who’s your trainer? Tia
January 23rd, 2021 at 3:35 pm
Troy, there’s far more evidence of Trump’s mental illness than there is of any alleged voter fraud. What a ignominious end to an ignoble presidency that has done more harm to the US than any other one in living memory — a black eye for Trump. Sad really.