Innocent Until Accused
By Mitch Berg
The best thing about being 46 and Republican?
I don’t have Scarlett Johannsen sticking her tongue down my throat all the time, demanding sex at all hours of the day and night.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking; “That never happens anyway!”
Well, clearly you don’t have a career at the Minnesoros “Independent”: the mere fact that I mention the possibility, at least in reporter Chris Steller’s world, makes it a fact!
Down, Scarlett!
Being out of office has its privileges. One consolation for Norm Coleman after finally conceding defeat to Al Franken: seeing ethics complaints and investigations in his rearview mirror.
In other words, being out of office – for Coleman as for Sarah Palin – means not being hounded to distraction by spurious “complaints” (“Rentgate”, the most-debunked piece of yellow hackery I’ve ever seen, which Steller reports as if it were still a serious story) – which are inevitably stated as proven facts by their various accusers, and reported with wide-eyed credulity by an in-the-bag media that seems to clam up when reporting that there was no there, there.
By the way, Chris Steller – Scarlett and I would love to meet you at the White Castle on Lexington. I’ll buy you a slider…
…Whoah! Steller was offered a bribe! ETHICS COMPLAINT!
July 20th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Oh, I like Scarlett Johansen. I like her album of Tom Waits covers, too.
I used to give plasma down the block from the White Castle on Lexington and University. Good times…
I also turned down the USMC to work at the White Castle at Blaisdell and Nicollet when I was 17
I was living on someones couch, and I’d called the recruiting office at the old Hub shopping center at 66th and Nicollet ’cause I was bored, and I left the number of the couch place I was staying at.
Well, damned if, on my way out the door for my first shift at White Hassle, the phone rings and some biker dude calls my name and I say ‘huh? who is it?’
So biker dude asks who is it, and says ‘it’s Gunnery Sgt. so and so from the Marine recruiting office.
And I’m like: ‘damn! tell him I’m not here! tell him I joined the Army, or the circus, tell him I’m dead!’
And then I went to work.
So that’s my great White Castle vs. USMC story.
July 20th, 2009 at 9:18 am
So, like, I was getting ready for my shift at Burger King when NASA called. Scarlett answered and said, “Dude, they need a fifth for the next shuttle mission”, and I was all like, dude, I told them I have an inner ear infection, tell them to pencil me in for next Spring.”
July 20th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Swiftee:
I’ll look for the info. But for now, I’d like to keep the whole mess out of my comment section.